Help me be more patient with my mum!

[Billyandharry]

I've notice in the last couple of years I'm increasingly impatient and irritated by my mum. I'm 50 and menopausal- we're v different people but we've always had a laugh and got on. Recently though I've found it impossible to bite my tongue re her political views (we've always been poles apart politically she's a Mail reader I'm more of a Guardian person but I've always just managed our massively different views). I'm getting more intolerant though and just end up snapping and then feel bad. I know she's not going to be around forever and i want to get back to just getting on rather than wanting to shout at her.:(

There's a reason politics, money and religion are things you don't talk about.

You could find other stuff to talk about. Change the subject every time she talks about it.

That's the problem though - I've spent years doing this but recently I just rise to things then feel bad.

HRT ?

Ha I'm already on it!

You're probably both a bit different now - menopause can mean you care less what people think and don't have as much energy to deal with her. She's probably got a bit more extreme as she ages, especially if she's mostly socialising in an echo chamber of people with the same
views.

I mostly ignore mine going on - similar political views to you/your mum. But most of our interactions are on the phone so I can do something else at the same time which makes her a bit less annoying. I will fact check on anything that is obviously wrong/incorrect.

Drives me crazy how she can't see the connection between how she and her friends vote and how she
can't get a GP appointment!

@EmotionalBlackmail hmmm you've hit the nail on the head there. I am def less tolerant and she is not good at joining up the dots between politics and real life. Maybe the key is to do stuff next time we phone/see each other so it's all a bit less intense.

You have my sympathy! When my mum moved into sheltered accommodation she was really critical of people, snobbish and sneering at others intellect etc. I started to dread going as she would spend the first hour being awful about other elderly people who were also on their own. I eventually told her that criticising other residents so much was really unkind and spoiling things and she went quiet for a long time . I had planned to do it knowing she would start her usual criticisms as soon as we left her flat and I didn't fill the silence after my comment. I didn't feel guilty because it was fair and I was becoming less inclined to visit (although she relies very heavily on me as my sister lives much further away) I would say (my mother is very old and I am pretty old!) just try not to let things get to a point which results in you feeling guilty at how you respond to your mum but sort directly when you are composed. It can be very difficult even with a pretty good mum and the demands on you can seem overwhelming - look after yourself is now my mantra and I took a long time and an impact on my own health to learn that.

Spend less time with her? Or have something to do with her when you spend time together?

i unashamedly manage my relationship / conversations with my mum. We are very different people and tbh I would probably annoy her as much as she annoys me if we both let it all hang out, so to speak. I don’t share too much of my life as I don’t want to invite her advice / judgment / instructions. I do keep her up to speed with what’s happening in our family in general, but only very generally. I steer our conversations into safe topics (the health / illnesses of various relatives / neighbours seems to be a favourite). I stay away from anything political / current affairs etc. That way we both come away having had a positive interaction with each other.

she’s my mum, not my friend - we don’t need to share everything.

i also live in France and she’s in the UK - so we only see each other 3-4 times a year. That helps 😂

God I could have written this. I spend my time either snapping, biting my tongue, or feeling so guilty because I know she doesn't do it on purpose and she won't be here too much longer. I just can't stand the constant whining and negativity and parroting opinions from some stupid right wing show she watches (Talk TV? Something like that) with no critical thinking.

No advice really, just wanted to say it's not just you.

It's really odd how elderly parents spout on about their political beliefs and get offended if you don't agree with them. I don't even want to talk about politics! I always thought it was a topic to steer clear of!

Your elderly parents may, not all of them do