Dad in care home

[Remmy123]

First I need to say that I do not get on well with my dad he isn't a great dad and was verbally abusive to my lovely mum so lots of my dads care was done without my involvement

my dad is an alcoholic and has rapid decline in mobility not eating etc kept falling over in his flat spending more times in hospital than at home (it's a warden assisted council flat block) - was having x4 carers a day. Not enough so the hospital called and said he is going in to a care home.

he is completely bed ridden he hasn't left his room in a week they say his bed sores (from hospital etc) are really bad and that needs sorting before they can move him to the lounge to watch activities.

no idea how it's being funded he has 11,000 to his name.

he thinks he is going home I've not the heart to say he won't be so I say he needs to eat more etc

I would rather he died in his sleep at this point it's so depressing seeing him in bed unable to move He eats a few mouthfuls of food a day very pale / brown teeth hair completely gone a shadow of former self

can he be here for years just bed ridden I can't bare the thought - he was a useless dad but I have compassion for him as he only has me and my brother.

how long can one survive on a few mouthfalls a day? Sorry if I sound cold but it's v distressing

thanks

My dad has been bedridden over a year. He’s actually quite happy - he’s warm, well fed, comfortable and doesn't now have many desires beyond that

Did the Hospital give you a clear idea of why his health is declining and what the prognosis is now @Remmy123?

It's so conflicting isn't it having a Parent who wasn't quite up to the job and now has declining health?

How old is he?

Thanks all

he is only 76!!

I went yesterday - he is staring in to space with the occasional 'how are the kids'

thought he was in hospital even though I told him last week he wasn't

thought he could smell my mums cooking 'they haven't been together in over 15 years

the carer said he has a UTI so might be why he is confused but to me it's more than than that

the hospital said bloods all fine he was slightly malnourished as was drinking not eating so no idea why this decline

he was being spoon fed puree food when I left him yesterday - he has teeth no idea why it's pureed!

Could it be puréed because that's all he'll eat? Sounds like he doesn't have much energy

Have they said what treatment he's getting for his UTI?

It might be that he's too weak to put in the effort to chew lumpier food, or too confused to organise swallowing it safely? If he's not feeding himself, something's not right. I have to say he sounds as if he is physically and mentally 'older' than 76.

He might be detoxing from alcohol, that can have all sorts of effects. I'm afraid there is also a form of dementia that is associated with alcohol use. Or he could be delirious (hypoactive delirium). I would just keep saying 'he's not himself' to the team.

It says good things about you that you're visiting. But take care of yourself.

How are things now @Remmy123?

Thanks all

I am visiting this weekend as can't go in the week - he can swallow tablets fine so not sure about the pureed food why this is being fed to him

yep I heard re alcohol induced dementia - he hasn't drunk alcohol now for months

he is defo more like a 90 year old man the decline had been very quick it's shocking just lying there in a nappy and t shirt it's so depressing to see this

xx

Hoping he's a bit better when you've been this weekend and that you've managed to speak to the staff.

Could he have had his swallow assessed by a speech and language therapist in hospital - sometimes, when an older person becomes unwell it can weaken their swallow and make them at risk of choking. That may be the case - the care home should know. If it is the case he should be having liquid or crushed meds too.

Hi i work in a care home as a carer and see this alot. firstly does he have a nursing or residential placement?
someone should only be on pureed food after advice from speech and language therapist , this could be if he had a choking episode or if it is felt his swallow is delayed, but they need To be keeping you fully informed of this. does he drink normal fluids or are they thickened? I have seen people on pureed foods who still swallow tablets fine.
also do not under estimate how poorly a uti can make an elderly person. it is always the first thing you test for with a mental decline and a physical decline. hopefully the antibiotics will work quickly.
you say he has bedsores. ask to see his repositioning chart to make sure he is being turned regularly .
a few mouthfuls of food a day although not ideal will still sustain him. they will no doubt get a dietician input and maybe switch to ensure drinks etc
Be kind to yourself , just because dad is now vulnerable does not make him the best father in the world! what happened happened. Dad is now in a safe place that is as far as your duty of care goes.

Thanks everyone for checking in

@evrey that is v helpful.

so I spoke with the nurse at the care home and she looked at hospital notes. Speech and language said solids are a choking hazard hence puree food / cognitive decline but no diognosis / joint deterioration / highly unlikely he will walk again or return home

pressure sores so unable to sit in the lounge? Good idea re repositioning chart I'll ask.

He had a beaker of tea (looked like tea) and water

I saw my dad he seemed a bit more with it but said he had been out to Essex that day!

Hasn't had a shower just sat in bed with the door open v depressing

it's a council run care home so not expecting 5 star!!

Is he on an air flow/pressure mattress? (They are designed to not have sustained pressure in one place, alongside regular and documented turning).

Unfortunately even an hour in a chair, even on a pressure cushion depending where the sores are can cause pain & discomfort and worsening of already existent sores. Same for showering really, it would require him to sit for a length of time and they can't always be effectively covered to stop them getting wet. As well as both requiring hoisting - which again depending on where the sores are can be painful. It's also quite a frightening experience if you don't understand or can't retain information and that can be dangerous.
He should be getting a 'top to toe' wash daily though.

I have cared for several people who have been completely bed bound, some through their own choice because it was too uncomfortable for them to be hoisted and moved around, even with pain relief. Some because their condition made it unsafe or would worsen sores or existing issues.

It sounds like it's been a rapid decline and that must be a shock to you to see, and many mixed emotions for you as well considering the relationship, be kind to yourself, you're allowed to feel how you feel.

Thanks @Maverickess thst is very helpful - I need to check the mattress next time and thanks for explanation re pressure sores I was worried they were neglecting him slightly by leaving him in the bed but that all makes sense.