Elderly DM eating complete crap

[Donm999]

So fed up with the ongoing and repetitive medical dramas caused by DM’s appalling diet.

DM is late 70s. Type 2 diabetic. History of digestive issues (has diviticulitis). Has honestly never eaten well (as in from when I was a child) but these days it’s ridiculous. Fairly sure she exists on a diet of coffee, biscuits, cake, crisps etc. Anything that she doesn’t have to make and tastes nice.

Lo and behold, she has called me to say she is awaiting an ambulance as stomach pain, can’t go to the toilet etc. This is probably the 5th time of similar in the last year. She has been prescribed medication to keep things moving, but also won’t take the full dose as she doesn’t like taking it.

AIBU to be fed up with this?! If she won’t eat properly, there has to be an element of personal responsibility, surely?!

Before anyone suggests - I’ve tried various things - meals on wheels lasted 2 days before she said she didn’t like them. Have stocked up her freezer with ready meals etc but she can’t be bothered to eat properly/decides they upset her stomach (more likely lack of proper food or a single vegetable doing that!). She has carers in once per day so has capacity to have a meal then…but 9/10 times tells them she’s not hungry.

would she listen to anyone else since she isnt listening to you?

would the hospital prescribe her a laxative to take maybe?

My DM, 82 is the same. T2 diabetic and eats tons of sweets and chocolate. I've tried to tell her it's not doing her any good, but it falls on deaf ears. I've got to take her back to see the diabetic nurse soon and I know she'll lie about what she eats. Like others have said, their choice and they are too long on the tooth now to change.

My Mum was very much like this. A cup of tea and a couple of biscuits was her regular diet.

now I'm older and much frailer than I was then. My daughter seems to be on a mission to stuff as many fruit and veg down me than she can. I understand it's what she saw with my Mum that drives her.
she makes most of my meals. So, today I've had cabbsge, broccoli, sweet corn, carrots, a banana and an orange. Oh and a bit of beef (protein seems to be in her plans toi, thankfully 😀.

seriously though, I'm so very grateful that my daughter thinks about theses things.

I am always dieting, would have been much larger than I am if not. SW always worked well but now I'm in my 60s I can't eat the fruit as I end up peeling all the time! As in 3-4 times in the night and not at all if I don't eat fruit.
This may be what's persuaded your Mum to eat unhealthy sweet stuff? I'm exhausted if I get up 4 times in the night!!

I'm 62 and I eat a ton of veg, and some fruit. I follow Zoe. I think people are different, and it's cultural.

My husband is 83 and likes mostly sweet things, not a hint of his 'five a day' or an MN approved diet of 'mainly plants and berries'. He hasn't eaten a green veg in his whole adult life! (apart from peas which may be green but I don't think count.)

However, he has already made 'old bones' so I'm minded to give him whatever he will eat. He's already very thin, as very old people tend to go. He's not going to die now of not having eaten the 'right' things. But I want to keep him as long as possible. I just want to get calories into him.

On the other hand, he hasn't constipation or diabetes complications, which is obviously a different situation to OP.

"My mid-80s mother eats mainly biscuits these days, but given her general frailty and state of health then I don’t care. She’s eating something, and the fact that a piece of fruit or veg hasn’t passed her lips for a couple of years now isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever to her long term health outcome. The time to eat well to improve health was 20 years ago not now."

Exactly.

Dan Lepard's peanut butter biscuits in his Sweet book are both very sweet and actually reasonably high in stuff that's ok for you. My DM is 90 and they were too sweet for her but would be good for your DH, @ApplesinmyPocket ?

She might be dehydrated too. Can you persuade her to drink more?

I have certainly read that in old age, perhaps especially when dementia is involved, getting enough calories into them is more important than ‘healthy eating’. Ditto enough fluids, of course - old people often don’t drink enough.

My DM’s care home was very good at providing ‘hidden’ fluids in e.g. stewed fruit and custard, jelly and ice cream, soup, etc.