Oft - packing for holiday with parents with dementia

[JeepSleeHack]

Tomorrow im going with my parents on a specialist dementia holiday. There are going to be challenges, but I’m really looking forward to it. It’s run by a charity, 4 couples go. I’m joining my parents cause they both have dementia so can’t go without an extra pair of hands.

My mum is currently packing and unpacking and wandering around, plastic bags with bits in them. I will need to get involved at some point, but I risk a bit of a blow up when I do.

My dad is just about doing ok. His dementia is still earlier stage. He wants me to help him tomo, but is having frequent moments of anxiety which manifest as shouting when he can’t find an app on his phone or turn the volume down on tv.

I wish I could just do all the packing for them. It would take me ten minutes and I would have everything they need. But instead I’m teetering around trying not to make them anxious.

My mum just said she doesn’t know what to do, I offered to help but she took umbrage and walked out! She does not want me involved.

They are having a packing conversation right now. My dad is making the sensible suggestion they share a suit case but my mums not having any of it.

Im going to pour a whiskey and sit in the garden!

To be honest I think that's the best option. No matter what she does or doesn't pack it will be fine. I'm sure a specialist dementia holiday will be used to people turning up with no underwear or only winter wollens in summer. If you can I'd sneak some basics into your luggage.

Can you repack for them later without them noticing? (Or as helpfulperson says, take am extra 'essentials' bag.)

What's the charity? My stepdad loved his last holiday just with my mum, and has been asking to go on another, but I think now needs a bit more support than she'd be able to manage alone.

You’re right, and in my chats to the charity they said the same thing about not worrying re clothes.

My mums struggling right now, she has a type of dementia called PPA. When she’s anxious or out of her routine, you can see that her brain kind of goes into internal meltdown and overwhelm. She’s snoozing in her chair now. Clearly struggling. I’ve given her a hot water bottle. From experience, I think she may well sleep there tonight rather than go up to bed.

My poor dad doesn’t have the skills to support her - to be honest, I don’t either! But at least we know now to let her ride this difficult wave, not try to fix it.

I’ve grabbed a couple of pairs of trousers from her room. I’ll pack an extra box of her medication in my bag, and any other bits of clothes I can grab without her noticing. I know carers some of their amazing carers would be able to manage this better, as my mum would let them support her. If we do this again, I might work with carers to get them packed. But it will need to be so near departure time or else it will get unpacked!

@NoBinturongsHereMate its called dementia adventure. Honestly, it looks incredible. My parents always travelled so much. Only around Europe and UK, but they really miss it.

Good luck today, @JeepSleeHack I hope the final packing and travel go well.

I had a look at the website - it's a great idea. I would love to hear about your experience once you're back.

@NoBinturongsHereMate just updating to say it was amazing and I can’t recommend enough. Amazing team, so supported. We did so much that I never thought would have been possible and were so looked after.

Fantastic - I'm delighted it went so well. And we'll definitely be taking up the recommendation.