Parent ignoring plumbing issues

[Pinkpro]

I live at home with my aging mother. Over the past two years I noticed some things and it's just some odd behaviours that indicates to me that she's going senile.

There's plumbing jobs that need to be done at home. She's ignoring it all. I tried helping before and all she could do is order me about and shout at me and fight with me. Before the Christmas we needed a leak fixed and all she could do was argue with me. Even though I was willing to pay.

Eventually I had to devise a plan to get a plumber in. I had to book a plumber and not tell her til the morning he was due. I only got the work done because a neighbour died and took the heat of the plumber.

She's paranoid or something that these work men are scumbags. I don't know. I don't know.

There's more work needed to be done now. There is an overflow pipe constantly draining water. There's other work to be done now too.
Some of this work will be big but I am willing to take out a loan of 2 or 3 thousand to get this work done.

I haven't approached my mother yet about the work that needs to be done. I dropped it into conversations before but she's not behaving right.

Her answer is to ignore it all.
Ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore.

I don't have anyone to come and help me take my mother out for a few hours. All my siblings live abroad and her own siblings - they don't have anything to do with each other any more.

If there is no way you can get her out of the house eg her friend maybe invites her for coffee, then I think you have become ‘her parent’ in a way. Just state you are doing it because it’s needed and will only cost you more if it’s ignored eg higher water bills etc. Be firm and say it’s not up for discussion and that you’ve organised funds to pay for it, she needs to do nothing and pay nothing. She can stay in a different room from the plumber and watch tv if she wants. If she starts to throw a tantrum, just calmly say it’s not up for discussion and ignore her.
Yes, it’s her home, but sometimes the bigger picture is that the maintenance needs to be done and you are willing to pay for it to be done and it Will benefit both of you. It seems harsh and almost cruel, but from your post I would guess that reasoning and discussion are not viable options.

She has no valid reasons to ignore this work. I think deep down she's being manipulative. She just wants one of her sons to do the work (for free) whenever they get home from abroad but they are not plumbers.
Or using her ex husband for the work while behind his back she spits vile abuse about him.
Or there's a plumber in the family (from my father's side). Get him to do it for free.

I paid for a leak to be repaired before the Christmas and the first thing she did was ring her brother to notify him of the work that was done in the hope that he gives her a payout towards the cost of the work but she never paid for it. It was me. All of it is down to money. She wants to use people to get the work done for free. That's only it. It's disgusting.

I do t think she would be able to tolerate me being firm. She won't take too kindly to that at all.

She may be shocked that someone has stood up to her and capitulate.
Your options are-

1. don’t get the work done.
2. you leave and live elsewhere.
3. you get the work done and don’t take any nonsense from her and be firm.
4. try to get the work done with her having a tantrum and risk either the plumber not coming back and/or being blacklisted by trades. Trades don’t have to work in a hostile environment - there’s plenty of nice customers out there, and they know it.

I would have gone option 2 and then left her to live in what’s only going to be a progressively worse place to live, or she pays for repairs and organises them herself. As it seems that unless you do it, no one else will put up with her games. So why should you? You are worth more.

Move out
Leave her to it
Get gp and ss assessment for her if she has dementia she may be entitled to carers

Who owns the house?
Do you pay any rent or own any part of the house?
How do you and your mother organise your joint financial life - who pays the bills etc?
How have you come to be living with your mother? Sorry if that's nosy, I just mean: did you come to live with her for a particular reason, like caring for her, or have you always lived with her? If you moved in with her, what did you agree with her at the time regarding finances going forward?

Sorry for all the questions: it helps to know who's legally responsible for what at the outset and who has the means (money) to pay for what.

Honestly by the tone of your posts you dont seem able to stand up to her at all. These jobs NEED DOING NOW and you are enabling this sort of behaviour. I am sorry to be harsh but just get it done. Dont stand any nonsense. This will get worse and worse and your mental health will be off the scale if you arent careful.

Or move out...