Any advice would be grateful appreciated

[Kimmints1]

Hi myself and my sister do not get on,she is my mum's carer,my mum has vascular dementia and severe heart failure she is 89.My dad also loves at home he is 85 and has many health problems. Me and my sister have financial POA for my mum, as now she doesn't have mental capacity, she also has DNR in place. Back in 2018 my mum had DNR put in place and we had a family meeting to discuss the horrible conversation of mum and dad's funeral plans.My mum and my dad both agreed cremation.my dad set up funeral plans for them both, but last year my sister changed my mums funeral plan from cremation to burial, but not my dads.we have had endless arguments over my mums medication, and her care, but this needs to be dealt with. She has told my dad that he needs to talk to funeral plan company to make sure burial for my mum is in place, but this is since we argued she was going against my mums wishes.Also my mum has savings and my sister is saying it is for the burial etc but my mum and dad said it was to be for my dad and my mums kids and grandchildren,but my sister has manipulated my dad to believe it's for funeral.Is there anything I can do legally to stop her going against my mums wishes? Please can anyone advise, I'm at my wits end,its such a battle with my sister, it's everything from mums care to medication to mums savings ,bank, I have even had to go to my mums bank to get access to see what mums money is actively doing, she tells me nothing, any help or advice would be helpful thanks Kim

So if you have joint POA with your sister then you should be able to deal with finances also ?

Do you have the POA document ?

If you than your sister is abusing her position, you can report her, I’m sure, but not sure where or how.

Hopefully someone who knows the system better can offer advice.

Having financial poa is for money only, not things like medication, funeral plans, for that it would need the health and welfare pia but if mum doesn't have capacity it's too late, you can apply for deputyship instead. As joint financial poa you both have a duty to inform each other of what's going on, you can report her to the opg if you feel she is not acting in mums best interests. You can speak to adult social services, gp and ask for both mum and dad to have a care assessment, capacity assessments and raise your concerns with them. Does dad have capacity, how did she change the funeral plans without dads permission. I would call them and explain the situation and that dad will not be changing, they may do a home visit.

You need to raise your concerns with the office of the public guardian say that the 2 attornees ie you and your sister are in conflict & you believe your sister is not following your mums wishes

https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/office-of-the-public-guardian/about/about-our-services

Hi my dad does have capacity, over a year ago, my sister asked if she could do mums funeral plan and me do dad's, at the time I agreed,but last year after she had permission to go on mums funeral plan she added the mum wanted a burial, and when I asked to see the plans,she told me it had always been on there.its a lie, it was added. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask the plan people about the add on .she is controlling all finances, as I said I had to get my poa code to have access to my mums bank,but my mums savings were for family,if mum passed first.My sister has argued this saying its for mums funeral,burial.Which has never been mentioned before. My dad is scared of her as she controls him,in mums care,his life.I feel great disappointment that she is doing this.when my mum had capacity she would talk of using her savings for new cooker, sofa, but now mum hasn't capacity my sister says it's for burial. She has made my dad belive the burial and savings is to be done how she says.its so hard, I am really struggling with her and her control of my parents .

You also need to check the original poa paperwork to see if decisions are to be made jointly or severally

Ofcourse you and dad can speak with thefineral planners, if you have joint poa and it states you mustact jointly your sister has no right to control their finances unless dad has asked her to

The POA is jointly(together), and severally( separately)

Does it say which decisions must be jointly made, is this for both mum and dad

Did your mum note her funeral preferences on her will.

If your DM doesn't have capacity and your DF has capacity and has agreed to a burial for his DW, why would you object? Was she very anti-burial? If so your DF would surely know, and you could remind him. I would say it's your DFs decision, both sisters step back. If your DM has a burial would your DF want to change his plans and be buried with her in the same plot? That might need organising.

If it was already agreed I wouldn't mind but it hasn't been agreed,or spoken of until it came to me seeing the change on my mums funeral plan.my sister isn't bothered about my dad's plan as he's having cremation, but it was for both of them to have cremation so they can be together.it was mum and dad's wishes to be cremated and laid to rest at my mums dad/uncles plot.my mum doesn't have a will, well she did but my sister has moved it from my mums bible

I think you all and dad should speak to the funeral planners, you have as much right as your sister. You also need to ask her where is mums will, who will be executors for them when they do pass. Who gave your sister permission to change the plan and did mum have capacity when it was changed

If she is telling dad he needs to speak with the funeral planners to make sure mums burial plans are in place it suggests she hasn't changed it or has the authority to change it