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Elderly parents

Elderly Mother/Hoarding/Cognitive Decline

2 replies

allfurcoatnoknickers · 14/04/2024 19:26

I'll try not to write an essay here.

My DM is 80 and rapidly declining physically and mentally. She had a stroke 3 years ago and while she made a reasonably good recovery she refused to do almost all of the OT and PT she was entitled to. She also refused all carers or a cleaning because she insists DF - who is 76 - can look after her.

I live a 7 hour flight away and have a baby and a 4 year old and work full time, so I can only get back a couple of times a year to see them although we FaceTime once a week and are in regular contact.

We just got back from a visit and DM is declining rapidly cognitively and physically. She repeats herself a lot and seems to have lost all context of time. She can't use her phone and her eyesight is deteriorating and she can't see. She's also obsessing over minor things - there was a certain magazine she wanted and she harangued DF and I ceaselessly until we got her a copy. Actually screaming at DF when he couldn't find it in the supermarket,

Always a bit of a pack rat, she's now tipped into full-blown hoarding of newspapers and magazines, but any kind of paper specifically. There are just piles and piles of newspaper everywhere. I opened a drawer in my childhood bedroom and found it stuffed with newspapers. It's incredibly unsafe.

I don't know what to do. I spoke to DF and he says he won't throw out anything because she'll get upset and obsess about it for months, but it's unsustainable.

Is there anyone I can speak to? Their GP? I'm very worried.

OP posts:
unsync · 14/04/2024 22:21

Unless you have H&W PoA you will find it difficult to get anywhere with the GP I'm afraid. Your father will need a lot of support, as he will probably have to try and get the help.

She will be eligible for Attendance Allowance, so you could organise that and use it for a cleaner or a carer to help your parents.

Ask your father to contact the GP. She needs to be assessed by Adult Services and he is entitled to a Carer's Assessment.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 15/04/2024 02:31

@unsync Thank you. Unfortunately they did the careers assessment and then after a few weeks she refused to have the carers any longer.

I will look into the Attendance allowance.

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