I don't want to be an executor on mum's will ...how difficult is it to change the will and am I right in asking for it to be changed ?

[bizzey]

Gosh ...sorry ...I think I put it all in my opening post !

I am exceuror.

I don't know what it really means .

I was for my dad's Will...but I was very ill after his death and it caused me no end of problems trying to sort things out.

Can I pass all that sort of stuff over to a solicitor or someone?

Simple estate ...1 house ...split x 3 .
type of thing .

But I can see it getting complicated.

Thanks.

Even if you are named as the executrix you don’t have to act. I am the sole executrix for my mother’s estate (she died earlier this year) and understand the frustration when siblings are not involved in the process. You can delegate the work to a solicitor, but you will still need to provide all the information so it’s still a lot of work for you. I am doing everything myself and completing the form is time consuming, but obtaining all the info from banks, utility companies etc has been an even bigger pain.
my darling brother (we are the two beneficiaries) hasn’t even contacted me in two months to see how I am getting on.

OP:

1. Divorce your ex. Amidst the difficulty of your mother’s will the last thing you want is your still married ex being able to claim half your share of your Mum’s estate.
2. You don’t need to do anything now. You can’t change the will, your Mum would need to do it. All you need to do is use your power as Executor (in due course) to appoint a solicitor to handle things for you.

DH's uncle died, leaving DH's mum as executor, just as his mum was in the middle of cancer treatment. They got Co-op Legal involved, who do not only sorting out probate but also estate administration (i.e. distributing the estate to the various beneficiaries once probate comes through). It's taken a ton of stress off DH's mum. Maybe it'd be worth getting a quote from them for dealing with your mum's estate?

Instruct a solicitor to do it for you, that way you retain some control over feeds etc. The estate pays for that before whatever is left over is distributed.

It might end up looking like a big sum but in terms of hourly rate for dealing with all the hassle then it looks much more reasonable, especially if you have little spare time.

You can get a company in to clear the house. We had to get one after the house we'd bought was left full of stuff! The house clearance company put things like paperwork and family photos to one side, sold/recycled/disposed of anything else. You can remove anything first that you think you might want to keep.

I instructed a solicitor for both my parents, they were separated. I'm afraid I also had in mind that I would be doing all the work for nothing extra while DB did nothing, so paying a solicitor everyone pays equally towards it out of their inheritance and it lessened my work.

I used Co op legal services for DF and it is all done by post, phone and email, I had a Teams Video call in the first place to get the quote.

I was executor on aunts will and I just paid solicitor to do it - was about £15k on £500k estate. Still had to provide all paperwork, empty house etc, not because I was executor but because there was no one else to do it. You can simply refuse to be the executor and one of your siblings would have too apply to court to become executor. I suggest you give them the heads up that when the time comes you’re not doing it and stick to your guns! https://www.bereavementadvice.org/topics/personal-representatives/what-if-not-all-the-personal-representatives-want-to-be-involved/

You can do ground work now with mum

What are all her accounts -which bank and where does she store paperwork

Any insurance policies? Pensions.

Any more complex assets she could sell now?

And her possessions-any downsizing to do now -like craft materials (my mum wants that to go to say local university textile course or equivalent). Jewellery she can identify now as expensive or just costume? A first edition book she can say is stuck amongst the general clutter.

We should all do this sort of thing as we get older -list with will documents.

I have been an executor and considered getting a solicitor to do it but I felt, in practice, that the hard bit is gathering all the info together not the forms themselves and you need to do the former anyway for the solicitor so I didn't feel it was worth it.

You can just say no.

You can change this when the time comes.
For now I would focus on divorcing my husband and having a financial agreement in place before you inherit.

I got a solicitor to deal with my mum's estate.

The advantage for you is that if your sibs have questions, the answers are coming from the solicitor not you, so there's a bit of distance there.

It's well worth the money imo. I was the only beneficiary of my mum's estate but with all the clearing out and packing of the house and deciding what I wanted to keep and what was going to charity/the tip that was enough without having to deal with probate on top.

I got co-op in to do it & got them to do the funeral as well so I didn't have to deal with paying for any of it, it all just came out of the estate.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply x

Lots to think about and digest!

Gathering all her paperwork, bills,utilities and bank stuff will be the easy part as I have on line access to all that now as I deal with all her finances and official stuff .

I think the other night after some things she casually threw into our chat ..just got me a bit overwhelmed at the thought of sorting everything out.

I think a bit of gentle house clearance needs to be thought about soon.

Her will doesn't mention anything about her possessions..IE rings/jewellery...she has just always said ...bizzey you will be having all that .
I think I am going to make some enquiries next week and weigh up the options .

Thank you all again .

Re the divorce....what's the cheapest way to do it ?

DC's are adults now.

I have no money or assets !

Defo get divorced. Otherwise your ex could potentially get half of your inheritance. (I know it doesn't always work like that, just generalising, as sometimes it does )

I sorted everything out after my dad died, then had a little bit of a panic wondering if I'd carried out everything legally and correctly.
I booked an appointment to see the solicitor who had written my dad's will and he went through my paperwork and confirmed all was in order, then gave me a minimal bill for his time and advice.
So it doesn't have to be all or nothing, you can do whatever you feel comfortable with and ask a solicitor to guide you through what's left.

I was an executor for DM, it was hard work but not as hard as I thought, maybe made easier as the paperwork was all online.
You're halfway there if you already have access to her banking/bills etc.
One of my dsis was named as executor with me but lives abroad so she signed a form to step down then it all fell on me.
I have two other Dsis who offered to help but basically did nothing.
Then I had the added stress of everyone wanting "their money" including messages from the grandchildren of DM.
When it came to the house clearance everyone came round and took what they wanted then I ordered a skip and basically threw everything in it, clothes etc went to the charity shop, I was quite brutal and it was hard seeing my DMS belongings in a skip.
I could have used the solicitor but didn't want to waste money on fees.
If you really can't face it use the solicitor but you're still going to have to clear the house, the hardest part imo.

I mentioned jewellery as I thibk it will be hard to sort -ie knowing the true value -and that's added stress for you

If she confirms it's all cheaper stuff -then it's easy to sort what is sentimental and what can be thrown/donated. Else you get stuck in worrying you miss something of value.

that is my main worry with my parents estate. trying to get best value for possessions -offset by time and expense of doing so.

I was the executor twice

i did my mums myself
for my late fathers I used a company called Farewill
I still had to get all the papers together bank details and stuff but they did everything else
including probate
took roughly 8 weeks in 2021 to get probate

cost £650 in 2022
you pay £100 deposit then the balance when you get probate

then it was just a case of selling the house

so from my fathers death in August 2021 everything was dealt with and beneficiary’s paid out by May 2022

I would advise you to get / ask for details of all bank accounts savings and insurance policy details plus national insurance and details of where the wiil is kept

having all of the above makes things much easier to deal with