Dad is 79... when did your DF start noticably aging?

[abpd]

As title says DF is 79, he's been great up until now and I think I'm starting to see him begin to turn elderly.

When did you notice your DF really start aging? Did it happen gradually or quickly?
Would like to know what to expect in terms of his abilities for the next few years.

A decline after he was in hospital with Covid in 2020, he was 80 last week and the change in 4 years is huge. He’s always been so strong, and he’s still strong now but he’s also in a lot of pain and just seems so much older and slower. My mother is 79 and like a whippet

80s really. DH in early 80s no longer believes himself immortal. Friend was actively caving till early 80s, but now very conscious of age. DF was slowing up, but I was able to take him caving (not show cave) in his mid 80s. Still active, but increasingly paranoid and moving slowly into his 90s. Then sudden decline at 96 and into nursing home.

@blobby10
Would your father be open to the idea of extra support such as Carer's ect at 🏡 home?

Could your mother be encouraged to attend any hobbies interests activities for older people?
Coffee mornings at a Salvation army type place or with a different charties

what about a day care centre 🤔 place ?

Age Concern charity could be beneficial too

I've got to admit i feel bit sorry for your father must be quite stressful for him at times..

@blobby10 I would encourage your mother to attend physio sessions too,

will make a difference for sure benefit healthwise

Neither of my parents made 70 but PIL began to age significantly age around 80.
Mobility around the house and coping abilities markedly deteriorated, dare I say exacerbated by their head in sand approach and refusal to plan and spend any money on adjustments that might improve their quality of life.
And they get full attendance allowance just banked

My dad is 87 and my mum is 81. It's only really since lockdown that I've noticed them seeming really old.

I think the lack of external stimulation had a big impact on my mum's cognitive abilities - her memory has certainly declined quite substantially.

My dad probably would have got weaker physically regardless, but I don't think the sudden loss of going out and about can have helped.

It’s really horrible watching them age /decline but also the alternative (them dying fast while generally fit and well) is also an awful process!

My dad is 86 and i feel he's just starting to really age now - looking stooped, some proustite issues etc and slowing down a lot, although still out walking every day, insists on doing his own shopping, housework etc.

My dad was pretty good until he was about 80 tbf. Mother was probably 74-75 when she declined through ill health and stopped doing anything. They were both great until then and then quite suddenly they started struggling.

I was coming out of a shop and caught sight of a little old man sitting on a bench. Then realised it was my dad. He was early 70s. Shocked me to see him as everyone else probably does. He's in his 80s now and is at the point where everyone smiles at him and moves out of his way (like the parting of the red sea!) It's lovely but it just hits home how frail he looks to everyone else at 82. To me he's has hearty and healthy as he was at 40.

Agree.

It's tough for loved ones either way, but personally I can only hope that I go suddenly when I'm still fit and well. I don't fancy the slow decline.

My dad is 79 next month. He still rides a motorbike and wins prizes at rifle target shooting competitions.

Mum is 78. She has a blue badge, COPD, limited mobility but can still finish the Telegraph cryptic crossword every day.

It’s really about quality of life isn’t it. If you/they retain some independence & autonomy in their lives it’s great but if you reach the point where you can’t then it must be horrible to be entirely dependent on others and the responsibility of being a carer is huge.

Same thing, for me, when I was meeting my parents once at an airport. These 2 little old people came through the gates and I suddenly saw them completely differently. They were mid-70s at the time.

DF declined steadily over the next few years and died at 81, DM declined rapidly from 80, is now 87 and very frail but still going.

@cerisepanther73 they both see all sorts of private therapists - acupuncture, physio, massage, weekly gym sessions, mum sees a counsellor, so they are well covered that way. mum has never been a person to help herself so when a therapist tells her if she does xyz on a daily basis it will really help her, she does it for a day or two then gets bored! Same with the counsellor - talking therapies really help her as she loves talking about herself and how bad life is to her but the minute self-help steps are suggested she can't be bothered. She's not got many social skills - she was a stay at home mum who lacked the self confidence to go out for work once we'd grown up and she never needed to as Dad earned well. We've tried to get her to coffee morning type things but she flat out refuses as she 'needs too much help getting to and from the car'. Won't even take a taxi anywhere because she "won't like the taxi driver "then moans she hasn't any independence! Always looks for reasons why she can't rather than how she can.

Dad is so stressed about it all but as I said, loves her so much (they've been married 57 years this year) he sees it as his duty to look after her. Just need his horse to stop going lame so he can ride consistently for a few months!! When thats going well, all the other stuff becomes manageable.

My dad retired from a busy job just a few months short of 67, in the following three years he had bowel cancer and emergency orthopaedic surgery that left him with very reduced mobility. The difference between 66 year old Dad and 71 has been dramatic.

his father, however, looked and acted more or less the same til he hit his early 90s.

My ILs aged so much over the lockdowns, their world shrunk and they have never got back into it, they’re mid 70s.

My mother declared she was an OAP at 60 (much to the ridicule of her oldest school friend who is exactly the same age) and sort of gave up a bit then. That also coincided with cancer, and 12 years clear the psychological affects that cancer treatment had on her have been immense.

My grandfather is 98 and still live independently with her ten years younger wife. He can't hear very well but mobility is ok. Goes to pharmacy with his mobile scooter.

My mother is 77 and still fit. Dad is the same at 74.

Early 80s seems to be the tipping point for generally fit people.

Mine started getting old around 87.

My mother died at age 45 and my father lived with prostate cancer from age 67 until his death at age 75. I didn't live near my father to notice his decline on a day-to-day basis. He worked until a week before his death. I can recall how shocked most people were when I called them to tell them about his death.

My in-laws are now 73 and 77. We don't live near them either, they're in the UK and we are in the US, but we have seen photos of them posted recently. My FIL looks really healthy and hasn't aged much since I saw him last in 2016. My MIL has had a few health issues over the years and shocked me that she looks more frail and perhaps a bit more aged. I'm feeling a bit panicky that we should visit them very soon.

My mother is 86 and only noticeably declined in last couple of years. She is slower at walking and now housebound this last year because cannot manage steps - but manages to look after herself (washing, cooking, basic cleaning) without help unless it’s to go outside.

She never had any interests really, apart from watching TV, the news, and going out shopping, though occasionally went to lunch with friends and sees neighbours.

She is looking much more frail this past year, a couple of chest infections, and lost a lot of weight, gone from size 18 to 12-14. She also sleeps a lot at odd times and is awake a lot at night, but has done that for several years now.

But mentally still switched on, and picks up on any details re her online shopping list if I make a mistake/forget something! Though she is occasionally forgetful re. other things.