Idiots guide to inhome care please

[tobee]

Please treat me like the idiot I am and tell me how I go about finding how to get carers for my elderly dparents.

I'm just not sure how to go about finding what's on offer. What's available local council or private or whatever. No idea how much things cost either.

They have some mobility issues and df has early stages of dementia. They live in their own home.

Thanks!

I’d add to @Netaporter’s list

milkman, local independent not big firm, can also be an alarm system. Ditto window cleaner (though infrequent).

key safe, useful for ambulances as well as carers. You could have a ring doorbell at the front and a key for back door in the key safe.

qualified foot care practitioner is cheaper than chiropodist and just as good when main job is nail cutting and dealing with rough skin and callouses.

@MereDintofPandiculation I wish I didn’t have so much experience in this area, but sadly I do! At times the level of care provided by social services approved firms was just depressing. It seems ridiculous that the social services approved firms pay their staff considerably less than the private Carer would earn, But the level of service provided is frankly, not what any relative is expecting and nowhere near the level of service a private Carer would provide. in the end, we managed to get in some sort of routine by requesting specific carers. To be fair, the carers didn’t mind coming to the house on the basis that everything was well stocked and we’re organised with the system that was fairly idiot proof. trust me when I say that it needed to be on the basis that I watched Carer is try and give food that was out of date, raw, too hot and my favourite, cups of tea made with the hot tap, rather than waiting for kettle to be boiled… The list is endless. is even worse if your relative lives in the rural areas because Carer are generally not paid for their travel time in between clients, which means finding approved carers even more difficult

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, until someone senior in the government actually has to deal with the real life service the elderly people receive in this country, nothing will ever change. It really is a national disgrace.

and my favourite, cups of tea made with the hot tap, rather than waiting for kettle to be boiled In my younger, more carefree days I used to makeinstant coffee from the hot tap

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, until someone senior in the government actually has to deal with the real life service the elderly people receive in this country, nothing will ever change They're all millionaires, none of this will ever affect them. Nothing will change.

Forgot to add, it's always useful to fill in the Herbert Protocol and keep it on your phone. It's essentially all the information the police will need if your DP was ever to go missing. Just google the name of their Police Force and Herbert Protocol, it will tell you what you need to do.

I'd also fill in and keep the This Is Me document. It's useful to give to Caters or the Ward if they ever have a Hospital admission.

You might also want to look into local day centres and lunch clubs. If part of what's needed is a bit of company to fill up the days, then that will cost far less per hour than private care. Depends on what's available locally, though, and how easy to get to. GP might be able to help signpost.

Where in the UK are you? Most of the replies are based on the English system. Wales & Scotland (not sure about NI) have their own laws and care provisions. So if you are not in England I would advise you contact your LA and they will be able to guide you. There are usually preventative services as well as social care to support people living independently at home.

Hello just catching up on all these.

Had a chat with my dm earlier who wasn't sure what she really wanted and so some kind of assessment will be useful to help work it out.

They are in Surrey.

They have a key box, a stair rail, dm (only) has a wrist alarm that you have to press yourself. Df says he doesn't need one 🙄. They have paper delivery and milk delivery some days and a lovely bloke who delivers prescriptions and they all love to chat politics! They also have cleaners but only once a fortnight currently. And an occasional gardener.

Basically, they need more things but are quite stubborn. For eg when someone called my df just after his dementia diagnosis he said "I don't have dementia but my mother did" and put the phone down

Really I wish they had fall alarms, more regular food delivery and a stair lift.

My df is obsessed with doing the laundry and my dm can't get him to stop. Until recently he was putting the wheelie bibs out for the housebound woman opposite!!!! 🤯

I wish they could go to a respite care type place for a couple of weeks but df doesn't want to even though dm does .

Anyway, thanks for all the further info.

Wheelie bins not bibs.

And a home help kind of thing might be best to start with. They can get up, shower etc do their meds (df needs dm's help for reminding him) and bits of other things.

Their cleaners changed their bedding which was great as they were struggling or I did it for them when I could.

@tobee unfortunately there are two types of dementia sufferers - the group that accepts this is the case and all of the help - and the more usual, the one who insists nothing is wrong. Unfortunately you have to plan ahead in case it is your parent suffering from dementia who survives the non-sufferer. This is usually because of the stress placed on the non-sufferer having to deal with an increasingly upset and confused partner. It is incredibly wearing. You need to make sure that your DP’s have POA’s in place. And wills. Now your DF has a diagnosis in place, asking him to sign paperwork will be solely at the discretion of a solicitor who deems him to have capacity at the point of signing if this is not in place. If not, you have a long journey ahead getting a court order to act as a deputy. You need to remove your DF’s ability to access large amounts from bank accounts - and make sure the bank has his diagnosis flagged.a call-screening phone is also a good idea.

Your mum will need emotional support. Quite often dementia sufferers lose track of day and night. It is exhausting having someone up all night so I’d recommend installing a dementia clock sooner rather than later. You can also slow down progress by ensuring that the house is well lit. Replace all lightbulbs will higher lumen ones if you can. Quite often previously well kept elderly people suffering from dementia do not like to shower as the sensation of cold is distressing so you need carers who understand how to persuade them to wash.

Sorry you are going through this, quite often it is overwhelming for us as daughters. You have caring duties colliding with teenagers/A level stress and menopause so make sure you look after yourself. I genuinely feel like I have PTSD after the last few years. It is a constant low level of stress. You can only do so much, so my advice would be to insist support is put in place so you have the bandwidth to deal with your own family too.

Some families have some success by introducing a Carer as a family friend. So the idea is that you go with the Carer the friary couple of times abs all have a cuppa and a chat so your DF gets to feel comfortable with her and after that the Carer can start to go on their own.

When my MIL needed carers, we completed a financial assessment and one of the questions was about personal budget. If she had chosen this option she would have received the cost for the care needed (2x daily) and been able to source her own carers.

Until recently he was putting the wheelie bibs out for the housebound woman opposite!!!!. He may feel the loss of that. The thing my father has felt most keenly is not being able to help other people. He’s not worried about not being able to look after himself. It’s being the person that other people come to for help that defines him, and now he’s lost that.

Quite often previously well kept elderly people suffering from dementia do not like to shower as the sensation of cold is distressing Speaking as an elderly person who does not like cold showers - 1) good flow rate 2) hot rather than warm water 3) most important - bathroom 3degrees warmer than rest of house.

First step is to contact Adult services at your local council and ask them to do a needs assessment. They'll come out and tell you what you need. They'll also do a financial assessment and tell you whether your parents qualify for subsidised help from carers or whether they'll have to fund it themselves. If it's self-funding, just search for reputable agencies near by. Costs will range from around £30-40 an hour but depending on what your parents need, you might only need 30 minutes a day.

My dad gets subsidised help and has 2 x 15 minute calls from carers every day. They help him get dressed and undressed and that's about it. As he has no private means, he contributes about £130 a month toward this.

Yes they'll do a needs assessment regardless of her financial situation.

My advice would be to ask the GP to arrange for an Occupational Therapist too visit at home and assess what they may need. They will know all about stair lifts and food delivery services and support available. Some of it might be free from local voluntary services. Would they consider going to an Age UK day centre once or twice a week. They can meet people, get a hot meal, and often they can access hairdressers, chiropodist, and advice. You can be collected and dropped home too.
It sounds like they don't need a huge amount currently but you don't want to pay a fortune for unnecessary care.
However, getting a small care package set up prior to a crisis is very helpful at the point where one of them may need a bit more as they have built a relationship with an agency or private carer already which can be built on .
It is worth asking a few local agencies what they charge and what their minimum length of visit is as there is considerable variety.
With stairs, it is often the main bit of exercise and elderly person gets and if there are rails both sides and a toilet on each floor so they are not needing to do multiple times, it is sometimes better to not have a stair lift. Although again, it is never a bad thing to get quotes and make sure it is doable, if you suddenly have more urgency to sort it out.

I apologise if I am repeating what other people have already said and also apologies for any mistakes. I am typing this quickly because I have to be somewhere.

I am going to give you an honest view of Care. We had to have a really big care package for my Mum in the end and dealing with carers and care agencies was one of the most stressful things I have ever had to deal with and it is hard when on top of that you are trying to cope with knowing that your lovely parents are very sick. I am telling you this because you and your siblings will really need to support one another.

With my Mum, we had some incredible carers, who were lovely, funny, kind and a joy to have in the house but we also had some who were not. Dealing with care agencies can be beyond frustrating so you need to do your research.

Firstly, unless you need to get the council involved for financial reasons, don't because it is just another layer of people you maybe don't need to interact with at this stage. Councils will have preferred care agencies that are not necessarily the best. It does sound like at the moment financially your parents can cover the costs.

Do some research using the Care Quality Commission website. All care agencies have to be registered with CQC and are given a ranking. On the website search for care agencies in your area and then look at the ranking and it will give a report about the agency.

https://www.cqc.org.uk/

Also, ask on the local Facebook groups in your parent's area because they will give you honest feedback on which agencies are good and which agencies are not. Also, I apologise, I can't remember the name and probably there is more than one, but there is a website where you can look for private carers, which is cheaper but you run the risk of them not be able to attend if they are sick or there will be no cover if they are on holiday.

An important thing to know is exactly what you want them to do. I am not sure what @Netaporter experience was but from our experience, my Mum's carers did some shopping, did her washing, went to hospital appointments with her, collected prescriptions, cooked meals from scratch, cleaned downstairs in the room my Mum was sleeping in. On top of the personal care elements to looking after my Mum that were required. That however was when my Mum's package was full time.

It depends on how you want the care structured. Do you want a daily visit for a couple of hours where they do a bit of cleaning, and cook some food? Or do you want more visits but for a shorter duration? For example, initially, my Mum had 4 30-minute visits a day where they purely did personal care for her. However, I remember the carers telling me they had a client where all they did was attend in the evening, cook his meal and clear up the kitchen.

Or do you need someone to pop in a couple of times a week, help with the shopping, cleaning, meal prep?

There are options but one of the biggest pieces of advice I can give you is to know and clearly and write down in detail the care plan. This is to ensure that you, your parents and any other members of your family who are involved do not end up having things continually added to your list of things to do.

I will give you another example, the first care agency we used with my Mum after their visits, I would end up having to clear up after them. A lot was going on in my life at a time and this became more for me to do. When we moved care agencies I was more experienced and was very specific about what I wanted from each care visit. I also got incredibly organised, everything had a place, everything was labelled, there was a meal plan, they could add to a shopping list, so every carer knew what they needed to do and everything was always in the right place so they didn't waste time and could get on with their jobs.

I can't stress it enough the more organised you are at this stage, down-to-the-minute detail, the easier it will make it for everyone and will help you transition as their care requirements increase.

I am wishing you good luck and hope it all goes well.

Thank you so very much for your careful responses and information everyone.

It's really useful to have the practical information and also the personal experience stories.

Fortunately my Df has always been obsessive about being organised and they have done their wills and kept them updated. Powers of attorney done, both sorts. All financial information has been kept in one of those fire proof safe boxes for ages and they often get them out to check through with is. They have stated what they want clearly for funerals - both now want direct cremation.

@tobee this is a guide to the services provided by Age Uk surrey in case it’s useful https://www.ageuk.org.uk/bp-assets/globalassets/surrey/original-blocks/portal/pdfs/guide-to-services-booklet11.2023.pdf

includes their home help service & also their independent care advice service

Have you got POAs for both health and finance? The ones I've had the most use fur so far are the health ones

And a stairlift can be fitted within days, so no real need to get it early "just in case".

My mum has a personal assistant. I found her by recommendation through a local support group. The PA provides whatever support is needed. No personal care but with our PA it could progress to that in time.

Yep we have these.

Ooh that's interesting @Newmum738

My Dad was self funding, but was till able to use the council arranged carers. It saved us having to find carers, and was possibly cheaper. We (he) simply paid the Council the full amount each month.

Didn't have to do a financial assessment, simply told them firmly that he'd be self funding, so that was another job we avoided.