Dad

[Blueberry06]

Hi , long story but my elderly dad had a stroke early last year he recovered but his mobility was impaired so we found a lovely care home
He also has severe copd and aspiration he has been in and out of hospital with chest infections he seems to decline a bit more every time ,
He has been doing so well but keeps on walking without supervision in the care home
Last week he had a nasty fall & was taken to hospital he was ok and discharged
However a few days later he developed a terrible chest infection & was prescribed strong pain killers but day 5 and he’s not getting any better he’s also on morphine for his breathing

I’m going to be meeting with the GP tomorrow and quite honestly don’t know what to say he’s now coughing with fluids and food (aspiration) and the care home have asked if I want pallative care or hospital he’s not eating or drinking enough either
I’m worried about dehydration mostly which can cause more problems
I’m going to see what the Dr recommends tomorrow but I dread hospital as they aren’t the best place for the elderly but my dad might need a different treatment .

I read your message and decided not to reply but I have come back because I felt i must. I write as someone who has been in your position for both my parents and my mother in law. You are in a very difficult situation and I really feel for you and I am sorry that your father is so ill. I think what you need to find out from the GP is if there is anything that can be done for him that will make him better or would treatment just be extending his life, and what sounds like a life with very little quality. As you mention, hospital is probably not the right place for him. If you’re being offered palliative care it sounds as if his carers know the answer to this. It is hard to face up to this but you need to make the best decision for your father and spend as much time with him as you can.

Thankyou so much for your reply it’s greatly appreciated. COPD is a condition which only gets worse , the aspiration is getting worse
Treatment would be prolonging his life .
Two weeks ago he fine eating well etc then the fall , elderly people have falls as they believe that they can walk . I always leave things close to him so he doesn’t have to stand up

When you say he keeps walking without supervision do you mean the fall he recently had was not his first?

If he is unable to move independently and needs morphine for pain (although that may be temporary due to the chest infection) and is struggling to eat and drink now, then it sounds like he has a poor quality of life. How is he mentally - is he able to say what he wants re care going forwards?

It does sound like any hospital treatment would be just keeping him going without any likelihood of an improvement to his quality of life. He may prefer to just stay in his care him and be kept comfortable in a place he knows.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Firstly I'm sorry that you're going through this.

My Dad died in hospital from breathing difficulties associated with COPD and it wasn't any easy death. The medical team were still working towards discharge but the nursing staff and our own eyes suggested that things were far past this point. I wish I'd pushed for hospice or palliative care and spared his suffering.

I'm not sure this helps you because it's sometimes hard to know when someone has no hope of returning to a reasonable quality of life. I think my message is to trust your instincts, you know your Dad better than the medical team.

Thankyou for your replies , my dad has capacity & hates sitting in the lounge with other residents or doing activities
He enjoys sitting in his room watching the tv he goes go to the dining room to eat usually
I fully agree that it’s hard to know if he’s going to recover and we don’t want him to suffer in a clinical environment hospital .
It’s very hard for me not to phone an ambulance and treat him at hospital but it would be a few weeks again and he’d have reoccurring chest infection . He was in hospital last Xmas was fine a few weeks later another copd flare up more antibiotics as the Dr said he’s going to become resistant 😢

His room has an alarmed mat so if he stands it goes off but he kicks that aside and with his zimmer frame walks , last week he lost his balance and fell , he also has an alarmed pendant . I constantly tell him to ring his bell if he needs anything it’s just so sad .

It's hard trying to make the right decisions for and with our loved ones.

It sounds like he is not distressed by his breathing at the moment which is a good thing. If his GP knows him well perhaps they can they give you an opinion on what the next few months could look like. It might help your decision.

Thankyou , it’s so hard a decision to make his health is terminal & will get worse with time but it’s so difficult on whether to call an ambulance
I’m absolutely dreading seeing the Dr today
Ive got my questions ready .

Hi @Blueberry06 I hope the doctor was helpful. A really hard time for you.