No idea where to begin with this one.
FIL 82 diagnosis of mixed dementia, MIL 79 calls for help, cant cope. Lived in a 4 bed double garage detached house in the middle of nowhere. 1hour drive for both my husband and his brother. Got to the stage where social services were getting involved - forgetting important medication and some inappropriate behaviour when social services were visiting re my MIL. We had a family meeting and it was agreed that they were isolated and vulnerable where they were - FIL had been scammed over the phone and computer. We part exchanged their house and moved them into assisted living first week December. We had to clear out a house full of stuff - I was ill, my husband has a life threatening condition and the stress was unbelievable. Ruined christmas for us all. This move was to help MIL due to the stress of living with FIL. Husband has Power of attorney for wellbeing and BIL has power of attorney for finance. Everything is managed for them and they really don't have to do anything.
This move has highlighted that the main problem is my MIL and we are trying to make life bearable for them both. Now its getting to the stage where MIL has threatened to leave, doesn't want to live with FIL, is blaming him for everything. We've gone to the doctors, getting her assessed, she's had a catscan and we are waiting on the results and for an appointment at the memory clinic.
Her whole behaviour has changed - she's accusing us of stealing money, its the worse thing we've ever done - when she asked for this and said she wanted to move nearer to my husband, she wanted a ground floor flat with a walk in shower. She wants to get away to the coast but she can't get to appointments or use any problem solving thinking at all. We've put her for 2 weeks in respite just around the corner from FIL so he can walk and visit her if he wants to. She didn't want to go and made a scene in the bistro where they live, shouting, aggressive and saying I'm not going, these people know what you're doing to me, he's going to cut off my head to FIL.
My question is - could this be a mental breakdown? Or could it be some form of dementia? Could it be stress?
Also is it possible to seperate finances? My concern is that all their money will go on her care and we'll have nothing left for FIL who we know will need specialist care as his condition deteriorates.
Its just so desperate and sad and we are really trying our best to do what's right for them both. If anyone has any help or advise it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading