How should I deal with this?

[Franklin2000]

Hi. A bit of background, my mum moved in with my grandma before I was born. We all lived together with my grandpa before he passed away when I was late teens. I moved out 20 odd years ago, dm still lives with dgm.
On to the issue. Since Covid, dgm mobility has reduced significantly. She no longer goes out without a taxi so sometimes only once a week. Dm still works, I sometimes think dgm resents this as she’s left on her own. This is from comments she’s made, not my assumptions.
Recently she’s been complaining of a shortness of breath. Doctors have said it’s asthma but nothing more serious. She disagrees.
Last week, she phoned 111 who sent an ambulance and they took her to a&e. She had scans and bloods and nothing was found. She’s also had an MRI in recent months and was found to be in good health. Shes been fine for a week.
Yesterday she said she’d had a breathless feeling during the night. Called 111, same process began and she was in a&e all day. They increased some heart tablets she was on but ultimately found nothing again. She was sent home.
This morning dm called to say dgm has phoned 111 again. Dm works tomorrow and needs to wash uniform etc so us thinking of letting her go by herself. When she’s in hospital, she’s absolutely fine, chatting with the nurses etc so I’ve told her to let her go but keep us informed.
I’m now feeling guilty and doubting myself. They’re not going to find anything new 12 hours after she was discharged, dm is shattered and isn’t young herself. I have a young child with no DH due to work today. But on the other hand, should we be going with her? Going forward, should we be discouraging her from calling 111? Realistically she can’t keep going to hospital because there’s nothing wrong. Is this something she might just have to get used to, a further ache and pain of old age?
Sorry this was so long! Thanks

Sounds like she either has health anxiety or is lonely. Are there any lunch clubs or similar she could join. We have something locally where the Age UK bus picks people up they go and have lunch, play bingo, chat etc then get bought home again.

How old are your mum and gran? No real advice to offer. Your gran is used to having your mum around at her beck and call..of course had she been a son instead of a daughter, this wouldn't happen. I spent a couple of very long stints in the ED last year, Covid in September October,very breathless, chest,left arm pain. Severe abdominal pain for 12 days... couldn't get a GP appointment, the chest pain,111sent a paramedic ambulance. I sat on a rock hard plastic chair for 7 plus hours. I would have to be desperate,to go through that.

Good advice from other poster. In my case, multiple health issues were found. The breathlessness etc, the ED Dr, asked if I had pain anywhere else, she felt it was likely the COVID,and myalgia, but had cardiac echo,still waiting for results.

I agree with a previous poster that it sounds like your DGM may be experiencing anxiety. Anxiety can feel like a serious health issue, until someone trustworthy is able to reassure the person that it is not. She may need a GP appointment to explore her her overall health, and specifically her mental health. She may need treatment and support put in place to help manage her anxiety.

There's no need for someone to go with her - mine's had to go on her own and sit there and wait. For hours. No one to get there to be with her - family were hours away with work and no practical way of getting there. They bring sandwiches round for anyone who is on their own and therefore hasn't got anyone to bring them food.

It sounds like anxiety, in which case she needs to see her GP. Possibly stopping going with her will stop the 111/A and E trips. No one's going to put themselves thru hours of waiting on hard chairs on their own unless they really have to. And she's in danger of being the boy who cried wolf - people get fed up of the false alarms, stop visiting and then don't go the time there is a genuine emergency.

You could try writing to the GP ahead of an appointment to explain your concerns. They won't share information with you and you may not find out the reality of how the appointment went though.

Might be worth looking for some things she could do so she isn't feeling lonely - lunch club or similar?

Thanks everyone. To answer a few questions, my mum is 66 and my grandma is 87. She won’t go to any clubs unfortunately, I’ve tried by saying I’d go with her at the start but it’s an absolute no. She won’t use a wheelchair so I can’t take her very far when we do go out. I do think a lot of it is anxiety. She’s been discharged again with nothing new found. I think it’s compounded by my having an almost parent relationship with my mum. She’s lovely but not confident in her own decision and choices. So I feel like I’m mothering her also. I know there’s no fix, think I just needed to get the frustrations off my chest!