Hygiene | Mumsnet

SaltPorridge · 2024-02-23T19:07:47+00:00

Hallo all. The very elderly relative I care for has been refusing help with cleaning/ cancelling visits from cleaner. I have done as much stealth cleaning as I can, and some with him yelling at me to stop. The places my efforts didn't reach have got filthy and insanitary. It's a hazard to his health and his neighbours (infestation). Has anyone been in this situation of having to insist on bringing cleaners in and replacing soiled/infested possessions (clothes and furniture)? POA is in process for both finance and care.

olderbutwiser · 23/02/2024 19:17

It's difficult.

Does he understand why you need to clean - I mean the difference between the "nice to have" cleaning, vs the absolutely essential stuff that if you don't do you will get infestations? Does he understand the consequences of not cleaning?

Wizzadorra70 · 23/02/2024 19:35

My Dad got very stubborn as his eyesight failed and he just couldn't see how grubby everything was getting. I was blunt with him in the end, and said "Dad, you're going to fail your landlord inspection if we don't clean up a bit better, it's not your fault but you're not able to see what my 30 years younger eyes can." He would chunter but eventually he let me do it. I used to set aside 2 hours every sunday and that was enough to keep on top of it. And distraction can work well - put the radio or TV loud enough that they can't hear what you're doing or leave the hoover running.

There's an element here that if you don't keep on top of it, then they face being forcibly removed from their home.

Original poster

SaltPorridge · 23/02/2024 19:57

olderbutwiser · 23/02/2024 19:17

It's difficult.

Does he understand why you need to clean - I mean the difference between the "nice to have" cleaning, vs the absolutely essential stuff that if you don't do you will get infestations? Does he understand the consequences of not cleaning?

I feel like I've totally failed, as we are dealing with the consequences, and it is £££, and heartbreaking damage to treasured items. He says I'm obsessive and perfectionist. The mess is unspeakable.

OP posts:

Original poster

SaltPorridge · 23/02/2024 20:10

Wizzadorra70 · 23/02/2024 19:35

My Dad got very stubborn as his eyesight failed and he just couldn't see how grubby everything was getting. I was blunt with him in the end, and said "Dad, you're going to fail your landlord inspection if we don't clean up a bit better, it's not your fault but you're not able to see what my 30 years younger eyes can." He would chunter but eventually he let me do it. I used to set aside 2 hours every sunday and that was enough to keep on top of it. And distraction can work well - put the radio or TV loud enough that they can't hear what you're doing or leave the hoover running.

There's an element here that if you don't keep on top of it, then they face being forcibly removed from their home.

I slightly fear that but the landlord has been too soft - asked for weekly clean but didn't insist. So here we are. Not merely grubby.
Is this enough to count as lack of capacity?

OP posts:

Wizzadorra70 · 23/02/2024 20:36

You need to take safety into account as well. If it's a hoard, then you can always get the local fire brigade to do an inspection. That can sometimes kick things into momentum.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

DustyLee123 · 24/02/2024 13:16

Social services assessment if necessary