Feeling Overwhelmed

[rollonspringflowers]

Hi. Just need to vent. Any advice would be welcome.

My Dad has Alzhiemer's and was diagnosed about four years ago. I've put things in place - carers, deputyship etc.

I still feel overwhelmed by it all and I suffer from bouts of anxiety. I have to take time off work to sort out house repairs, cleaners, hair cuts etc. I don't really have much help from family and I am constantly worrying if I could do any better with the medical care. It seems to be a battle with his GP who I don't have much faith in.

I'm also feeling angry about this (probably the menopause). I am not angry at my Dad as I feel so sorry for him, just the lack of help. I have tried to help but the responsibility is really affecting my mental health as I work long hours. I am going to end up being a resentful anxious person

💐 to you. I think it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed with everything you have on your plate. It sounds like you're doing a great job for your Dad.

It might be worth having a carer's assessment to have your needs addressed.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-assessments/

There are so many emotions involved with caring for a parent . They are draining in themselves before the actual caring bit starts! Good luck and take care of yourself !

@WearyElf - thanks so much. Do you know if the Carer's benefits are finance related? My parent pays for his care because he is not entitled to free care

You can claim carers' allowance if your earnings are less than £139 a week . See details in link . Does your dad receive attendance allowance ? That is granted to anyone who has the required care needs regardless of income . A tip on that if you haven't already got it : phone the DWP to ask for an application form . If/when your application is successful, the payment will be backdated to the date of your call.

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility

I have had a carers’ assessment through my local council who contracted this out to a voluntary organisation. I’ve been invited to online and face to face groups and events, they would help me apply for any benefits if my relative or I were eligible, and I was offered counselling. Plus lots of other support. didn’t feel I needed the counselling but a lovely and knowledgeable woman rings me every fortnight so I can talk in confidence about stuff to do with my caring role that I don’t want to talk to family or friends about. I suppose the provision varies from area to area but I’ve found it really helpful (and I’m someone who always thinks they don’t need any help).
You may not be eligible for carers’ allowance if you earn over a certain amount, but do check. Your dad should definitely be eligible for Attendance Allowance, which is not means tested. There is a higher and a lower rate, depending on his level of need. If you have t applied for these benefits before, do get help filling in the form as it is easy to understate the person’s needs. Your local carers’ association should help you.
It is really tough looking after a parent with Alzheimer’s. You can only do what you can do and it’s crucial to look after yourself and have regular breaks.
Look on Mumsnet for the Cockroach Cafe longstanding thread. There are lots of us there who are in the same boat and who understand x

Also, if you have little confidence in your dad’s GP CouId you move him to another GP if there is another one locally, or a better doctor in the same practice? I don’t know much about deputyship but with welfare power of attorney which I have for mum, I’m able to make these sorts of decisions.