Elderly parent with breathing problems refusing to see doctor

[Walle00]

DM has breathing problems that got worse over the last few weeks. She cries when she explains how she's afraid she'll suffocate during the night when she's asleep.

She has a severe allergy and can't have the latest COVID vaccines so hasn't had a booster for a couple of years. Both her and DD have worked in hospitals on the medical side of things, so her reluctance to see a doctor isn't due to lack of experience.

I have suggested many times that she goes to the doctor, but the more I mention it the more she resists. She is obviously even more resistant to go to A & E or emergency care. Her GP surgery only has econsults which doesn't help. She can use a computer, but she's not comfortable with computerised medical consults or even zoom calls. It is at the stage where she has an audible wheeze when breathing and gets breathless walking up the stairs.

I told her many times that I will go with her to the doctors or fill out an econsult for her, but she always said no. Has anyone had a similar experience and found a way to get their parent the help they need?

How is her heart? My SiL has heart failure and she had similar symptoms.

Do you have permission to make ad appointment on her behalf?

I would call the GP for advice. Even if they have E consult etc they must have a telephone number for people who can't use computers.

Has she explained why she’s reluctant to seek medical advice? Is it fear of what she’ll be told, I.e., she’s afraid that she’ll be diagnosed with something horrible?

See if you can get a home visit. My Mum had a bad chest infection, and wouldn't get medical attention. We phoned for an ambulance, and she was in hospital for 2 weeks.

@sueelleker I was also wondering whether calling an ambulance would be advisable. It does sound like a chest infection (no medical training, but my Dad’s had a couple of them).

Similar issues to my mum, can’t be bothered to see Dr, perhaps doesn’t care or depressed, not much I can do.

Sorry to hear about your SIL. I don't have the permission to make an appointment on her behalf at the moment, so I don't think they would let me. DM would be very upset too, but if she gets worse and still won't go to the doctor, it's definitely something to discuss with her

Would she talk to 111?

@Cookerhood they do have a phone number, so perhaps I'll try to ring and see if they can help.

@BruFord she's mainly afraid they will try to make her do something she doesn't want to do or give her something she's allergic too. Her allergies mean she needs to be careful about what she takes, but the ingredients of some medications contain what she's allergic too without it being labelled clearly.

@sueelleker thanks for the info, I'll ask if a home visit is an option

Sorry to hear about your mum, it's difficult to know what to do when they're not overly concerned about their own wellbeing.

@PermanentTemporary thanks for the suggestion. If I'm there and can encourage her to ring that might be a good option. Some of her fear is being forced to go to hospital, so if someone else is there to support her she might be more comfortable speaking to 111 over the phone

If she's having breathing difficulties can you arrange her pillows so she isn't lying down.

@dancingwithwolv3s thanks, that would help her breathing but she has back troubles too where she needs to stay as flat as possible to reduce the pain

She sounds so similar to my mother! Multiple drug allergies, chronic back pain, reluctance to get medical help.
last time my mum wouldn’t get medical help, she waited until crisis point and then the GP surgery rang an ambulance. She was in hospital 10 days.
It’s such a difficult position to be in.