Overwhelmed & Exhausted By Power of Attorney Responsibilities

[AgitatedGoose]

Does anyone else really struggle with being a POA and the amount of time it takes up. I admit I slept walked into this when I agreed to do this for both my elderly parents. I’ve never had a close relationship with them and had a very difficult childhood. I’m also an only child and there was no one else to take on this burdensome task and I knew the problems it would cause if I’d said no. I really regret this now because of the time it’s taking up. I’m trying to manage a stressful job and I live 3-4 hours away from my parents. My Mum has Alzheimer’s and my step Dad is struggling to manage his bank account and organise repairs for the house. In the last week I’ve had to spend 3 hours registering the POA with the bank and now they’ve emailed me saying part of the document didn’t scan properly so now I’ve got to go back. I could scan the document myself and email it to them but apparently they have to do it. I’ve also spent about an hour sorting out the house insurance.
The worst thing about being a POA is that your expected to do all this work for free. I can only claim nominal expenses such as car parking and stationary. I also do free lance work as well as my contracted job which I’m having to reduce whilst I sort out the POA stuff. Consequently Im losing money which doesn’t seem fair particularly as a professional attorney is allowed to charge for their services.

Who would you charge? There’s nothing to stop you asking your dad to pay you to do two hours admin a week, or similar.

It’s much easier when it’s all in your hands than when you are trying to rescue them constantly.

It’s your parents - would you really expect payment ? Once it’s all set up with banks etc then the admin should reduce and trust me it will make life a lot easier in terms of estate executor duties down the line

@mrsbyers Yes I would expect some kind of recompense. I had a really awful childhood, my parents did very little for me and I left home as soon as I was legally old enough. I’ve certainly never been a burden on them. I don’t have a big income and losing money whilst I sort stuff out isn’t helping. I hope the admin side of things will reduce.

@pickledandpuzzled I’d be invoicing my step father for the admin hours but according to the Office of Public Guardian you can’t do this unless you’re a professional attorney.

You could employ someone local to manage much of the workload and you just step in when needed?

You can "resign" as a poa

Perhaps that might be better for you?

It's a shitty job and even harder if you have difficult relationships

Hi OP. You have a range of options. Whether your parents retain the capacity to donate new LPAs does make a difference but in broad terms they include:

1. You instruct solicitors (using parents funds) to do the legwork (a lot of my instructions come from attorneys who can't - for many and varied reasons - actually do the nitty gritty of the role)

1. you can renounce the role by filing a LPA005 Disclaimer form and simply leave them to handle their own affairs or appoint a new attorney (eg local solicitor) if they have the requisite mental capacity eg a solicitor

1. If one/both lack capacity you can instruct a solicitor (using parents funds) to apply for deputyship as you disclaim the LPA so there's a Deputy in place of attorney.

You don't need to do all this stuff just because you hold an LPA for your parents. What you are currently doing is being a cross between a carer and a personal assistant and that is a choice, not a condition of the LPA.

You could just return the LPA and say you are no longer prepared to do the role. Or help your parents to apply for benefits (probably attendance allowance and if your mum has Alzheimer's she should get free council tax). If they get attendance allowance then you can claim carer's allowance if you earn below the threshold, if you are above the carer's threshold then ask them to pay you from the attendance allowance. Either don't do it (you aren't obliged to, especially as they weren't good to you) or make sure you are paid for it and look at it as a paid job.

@Avacardo2023 My Mum is now in a nursing home so no longer receives attendance allowance. My step father wouldn’t meet the criteria. I don’t earn below the threshold for carers allowance and am thankful I have a job and also earn extra doing freelance. What I need is to be able to work more hours to off set the travel costs of a 3-4 hour journey to visit my Dad and sort things out. Probably giving up the POA would be the best option. I’m only doing it now because the property needs significant repairs which my step father won’t sort out. If I don’t do anything I feel it will cause me more hassle further down the line.

Ah right, sorry - I assumed they were living together. Very difficult for you. Even if you did give up the POA you'd probably still feel obligated to help. It might be easier to change the bank account to a joint account if they are being difficult with the POA, then you could easily pay for bills and repairs from the account and let your dad know you will be transferring your own expenses. Hope the admin decreases soon.

I'm so sorry. For your childhood. For your mums Alzheimer's. And sorry that your step father won't manage the property because you're right staying on top of it will mean that when they inevitably pass away it will be easier to sell or get a fair price for (I say as someone who recently has spent a lot of time comparing houses and roofs and damp smells etc).

POA is a sucky thing to ask someone to do. I absolutely understand the logic of it and why it makes sense to have someone you trust but as you say it doesn't usually factor in whether it's actually compatible with their life or your relationship from their perspective.

I think resigning from the role - or asking if you can take a temporary pause if that's allowed - would be ideal. With the time that's freed up you can focus on getting your own life where you need it to be and spending time with your parents in a way that you're focused on them that works for you. I've known a couple of people so POA and even when the relationship is good its totally draining at points.

Bloody hell Your poor parents

What? Did you not read the "I had a really awful childhood, my parents did very little for me and I left home as soon as I was legally old enough."

@BetrayedAuntie have you ever dealt with a bank and tried to register POA?
On this board it’s not uncommon for posters to visit three or four times.
In Op’s case that could be at least 24 hrs of work beyond her normal hours… setting her up for a huge working week.... That’s just one of a myriad of tasks to sort. OP left home as soon as she was legally able. She owes them nothing.

I think you're begrudgingly doing it because you had a poor experience as a child and I don't blame you , I face a similar dilemma.

Personally I'd not do it , they are so far away , it's time consuming and you don't owe them anything .

i found that once the initial hassle of registering it with everyone was over it then ran reasonably smoothly. My issue is making decisions for someone else.
some institutions will accept the automated registering of the POA. Gov.uk takes you through this. I used it with Aviva and HSBC

If you decide to stick with it, it will get easier. Once you’ve registered with a bank you’ll not have to do it again with them.

You might find it easier to get another official copy of-the PoA and then you can post one copy when needed.

Personally, I’d put a complaint in to the bank. They can’t help the scan going wrong, they are responsible for not checking the copy that came out, and they’ve caused you extra travelling costs and loss of earnings.

I completely sympathise. I had similar issues, I had a bad childhood and left home at 17. I agreed to be my mother's attorney because I am an only child and 'there was no one else' and I didn't really consider the full implications tbh. Then when I had to start doing the attorney work 8 years ago I regretted having agreed and several times was on the verge of renouncing it. She lived several hours away and for two years I was constantly firefighting things at a distance.

I had to register the LPA with multiple financial services and care providers - I only ever provided certified copies, not the original. Some services were really inefficient and one lost the copy and had to compensate us - it is a real pain.

It got easier when she moved to a care home near me. I didn't really want to make decisions about her money or her care, but there was no one else. I do sometimes still wish I'd renounced it - in your situation I probably would OP. I had retired (early), but if I'd still be working I wouldn't have been able to cope with it.

Oops 😬 , I stand corrected! Apparently you can only charge incidentals, expenses etc. I must be getting mixed up with something g else. Very sorry.

If they can afford it though, I’d be pretty brazen about it, ask them for £, tell them you are having to turn down freelance work because of the time being consumed. They can only say no. Or else you decline to do it anymore.

I am a deputy for my disabled children and it is a massive pain. It is frankly unbelievable that family members are expected to do this all for nothing and not only that the requirements to keep records are very time consuming. I have property and finance. Ideally I would have health and welfare but I refuse to spend my own funds to apply for the privilege of managing my child's health and welfare legally as well. It is outrageous.

on a side note, for those of us starting to battle for 'continuing care' on the NHS there is a website called Care to be Different and a book of 'How To' go about it for £65

Also, for power of attorneys made after 2016 I believe you can register it digitally. My understanding then is that you don’t have to do all this certified copy malarkey. The institution can access it via a key number you input (or something like that). It’s easy to get the key number. It’s Supposed to make things a lot easier though I have only gone so far as registering it digitally. I went through a lot of drama with Santander and original and certified documents etc - then I set it up digitally. I see @lazymum99 also mentions this.

@cansu. I think being a deputy is even more complex in terms of form filling and record keeping. I definitely wouldn’t want to do this and agree that it’s appalling family members are placed in this position. I think local authorities prefer and encourage family members to step forward because if no one is willing they have to apply to the courts for deputyship.