Healthy but low/no cook meal ideas for DM

[WhatdidIdoyesterday]

DM has fallen into a total rut of eating the same meals every day. I am trying to get her to have more variety but she's reluctant to cook things that are outside her comfort zone. She had some sort of incident last year (which she hasn't divulged details of) and since then has almost given up cooking. My DF used to cook but he passed away a few months ago so its just DM now.

Her diet at the moment is:
Breakfast: museli with milk. Cup of coffee
Lunch: cheese sandwich on brown bread. Jam sandwich on brown bread. Apple, tomatoes/lettuce/cucumber. Cup of tea or coffee with milk.
Dinner: 1 fish cake, boiled veg (carrot/parsnip/broccoli/courgette) and small baked potato.
She sometimes has a biscuit or chocolate after dinner but not that often.

I don't think she's drinking enough fluids and I'm worried about things like iron deficiency as she's not eating any meat. She sometimes has half a banana with her muesli but not every day. She takes vitamin D but no other supplements. She's quite thin and I'm also worried about osteoporosis risk and just her general health. She's always been slim but she's tiny now. Her skin is dry and she has brown scaly patches round her hairline, I'm not sure if this is a sign of a diet deficiency or something else.

Does this sound like an OK diet or is she at risk? She's showing signs of dementia so I'm trying to get good habits formed now before its much harder. She won't try new things willingly and has never used a microwave. She also doesn't drive so only has the local co-op for grocery shopping. I've offered to take her once a week to a bigger shop but she's declined so far. When we go out for a meal she orders fish and chips nearly every time. I know white fish is quite healthy but it can't be healthy every day with no variety?

Would she be open to having some meals delivered? Wiltshire Farmfoods or similar. She can heat them in the oven if she doesn't have a microwave?

Perhaps you could come up with just a couple of swaps so that she can eat her comfort zone meals but have a few alternatives. Eg boiled egg and toast occasionally - either for breakfast or for lunch. An alternative sandwich filling - perhaps some tinned fish. Cheese is good - protein and calcium but jam not so good. Maybe replace the jam sandwich with a desert - berries and Greek yogurt or banana and custard ?
For her dinner could she replace the fish cake occasionally with a portion of baked salmon or chicken (if she eats it). Or perhaps a ready made fish pie ?

I don't think it's particularly an issue that she has no meat in her diet if she's getting enough protein from dairy and fish (eggs would be a good addition though) but a daily multivitamin with iron is always a good idea.

Encouraging her to drink more is very important - a lot of elderly people don't have enough liquid which can contribute towards getting UTIs.

Getting calories in to her is probably the most important thing - so full fat dairy and a desert if she enjoys this. The dish and chips she's eating when you go out is good for calories. And actually if she has a routine with eating it's maybe not a bad thing - more of a worry if she forgets to eat.

I don't know how far away from her you live but are you able to randomly pop in at meal times to check that she is actually eating what she says she is?

How old is she? The elderly people (late 80s/early 90s) I shopped for during the first lockdown must have been eating like this as it was the same few things on repeat. They seemed to have got past the point of being able to plan meals or prepare veg.

Frozen food might be a way forward - the Wiltshire Farm Foods stuff? Or Cook would give a bit more variety?

Trying nutrition drinks like Ensure may help with both fluids and a balanced diet. It may also be time to consider getting a carer in to prepare meals a few times a week, to add variety, and to actively encourage fluid intake.

My elderly father (very limited cooking ability) eats cereal for breakfast, some kind of sandwich or filled roll then fruit for lunch and a ready meal for dinner. He just sticks the ready meal in the oven! Sometimes bulks it out with those steam in the bag veg. Has fruit or ice cream or a steamed pudding for one for dessert. Drinks tea and decaff coffee during the day and has a vast assortment of biscuits in the tin!

The ready meals are good (for him) as there is a huge variety including Italian, fish pies, shepherd's pie, various roasts, hot pots etc. He's very traditional so doesn't really eat the Chinese or Indian ones even though they are available.

She is only 70 and despite the memory problems has refused all offers of outside help or carers so far. My DF tried to get a cleaner but she didn't want a stranger in the house and apparently likes cleaning (although the state of her house is another topic!). She will accept a meal at our house so I'm doing that once a week but I have 2 primary aged DC and we eat early during the week so I can only offer this on a Saturday. I'm going to try and take her for a pub lunch once a week on my day off but I can't do that when I'm working.

I'm worried about iron deficiency and hydration mostly. She peobably would refuse any protein shake type things. She's big on whole foods/free range animals kind of philosophy. But her abilities are failing her now. If she was eating a bean casserole or something like that it would be great.

I've heard wiltshire farm foods are poor on actual nutrition and she wouldn't eat them unless it was made with free range chicken or organic veg. Cook frozen meals might work if she's willing to pay that much.

If she won’t swop cheese for ham in a lunchtime sandwich this is about more than being in a rut - that said, I’ve seen far less healthy restricted diets.

How is she cooking her fishcake and veg - was the disaster microwave related do you think?

Sadly I think refusing help is quite common - especially with someone in early stages of dementia . And TBH we found a difficulty in availability of carers so although it was helpful to have someone provide a meal and know that they had eaten, I ended up buying the Wiltshire farm foods meals for the carers to heat up as they only had a half hour tea time call which included a tidy up, medication and hygiene check for my mum.

Can she chew okay? Most of that food can be mushed around in the mouth before swallowing.

Can you cook an extra portion of a stew, etc that she can reheat later in the week, and add her own veg to it? Or chunky soup instead of sandwich?

For dehydration get her those premade jellies by Hartley, or small tinned fruit in syrup. Buy her a snazzy water bottle that is by her armchair and a 30 minute timer. When it goes off she swigs.

For vitamins perhaps she would be better off with effervescent tablets (extra water), or a spray. I use Better You sprays for Vitamin B12 and Iron. Look on Boots, Suoerdrug or Holland&Barrett websites. Or chewable vitamins.

would she warm up a ready meal in the microwave or oven?
coild you get a couple for her a week?

tbh it does look ok to me, if a bit limited in variety.

anything she likes to drink?
my nan was wuite fond of ginger beer, so we made sure she had a can for every day.

What about Spinach and asparagus quiche or any quiche really, you could make some small ones up for her to try.

A small tub of tuna veggie mayo for sandwich spread instead of cheese or even with cheese mixed in.

Homemade porridge/musili mix with chopped mixed nuts and flaxseed, finely chopped dried apricots and dates or whatever fruits she prefers.

Yogurts, individual trifles or mousse as a dessert?

This company make sweets for dementia paitents to improve hydration, you could perhaps buy some and repackage them, even get your children to gift her a few so she feels as if she has to have them? I know that's slightly manipulative, but needs must, I suppose.

https://www.jellydrops.com/?gadsource=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAkeSsBhDUARIsAK3tieeQzxdr6AoliDkGVCV5d3IAtvwKrs6KOReBv2Y7Z_DMrac6BARy0bsaAoI2EALw_wcB

Actually, after looking at your post again, she is only really using her oven for the jacket potato. Did she hurt herself, either by bending or dropping something? Can she grasp pots properly when using oven gloves?

has never used a microwave.
Get her a basic one for reheating meals. Do this as a priority. No bending, no oven gloves so can feel items, everything eye level for checking, quick and easy, wipe down to clean. Will open up her world massively.

or an air fryer.
table top height, quick and safe

These are good gloves and aren't bulky like traditional oven mitts https://www.amazon.co.uk/Professional-Resistant-Styling-Blocking-Suitable/dp/B09JG5P3N9

Would she have something like yFood? https://uk.yfood.eu/collections/drinks

They have vegan options too and are packed with protein and vit/mins!

Your DM sounds like she is still grieving for your DF and maybe not looking after herself now that she doesn't have him to cook for.

Do you think she almost set the kitchen on fire or spilt boiling water on the floor and slipped and is secretly so concerned for her mental state that she is now frightened of cooking? As you think your DM is also showing some signs of dementia, I think getting her to the GP for a check up would be the best course of action. You could approach the GP first about your concerns and they could invite your mother in under the guise of a routine health check and you could offer to accompany her. They will be able to assess if your DM is under weight and give her advice about this and hydration and determine if she needs further "memory" assessment. They could also arrange to check her iron levels (blood test). We did this when my DM showed signs of early onset dementia and my DF wouldn't seek help for her. Sometimes dementia isnt the cause - my DH's elderly aunt seemed confused a lot and was losing weight and it turned out she was having recurring untreated UTI's that didn't present with the usual symptoms. She felt "seedy" so she wasn't cooking or eating much and did not drink enough and the dehydration was leading to confusion.

It looks to me that although repetitive, your DM's diet is healthy but I wonder if she often doesn't bother cooking for herself or eating what she does prepare so is losing weight through calorie deficiency (despite what she might tell you). Perhaps, if her appetite is weak she could switch in more calorie and nutrient dense options such as full fat milk for her muesli if she usually has skimmed milk and salmon fishcakes sometimes or a piece of salmon if she usually has cod cakes.

My adult DD keeps a few COOK "all in one meals" in her freezer such as cottage pie and fish pie that just need oven cooking and rates them ( she has high food standards). She lives in an affluent large village that has a big elderly population and the Cook freezerin the small supermarket is very popular - they even have a second one full of puddings!

Good luck - it is so worrying when your parent seems to be declining.

Some lentil or bean soup at lunch with her cheese sandwich might be less challenging than a bean casserole a would help up her liquid intake. If she’s having fish and cheese every day I wouldn’t worry abot meat. Pulses and eggs, a bit more fruit, would be good… but she could be doing a lot worse

op could you cook extra and for hydration get her a bottle that has the hours on it shows you what to drink each hour x

I think she's probably still grieving and it can be hard to motivate yourself when just cooking for one.
Has she never eaten meat? My Dm has struggled with swallowing for many years but she's now 85 and it's got much worse.(awaiting investigation for this plus it's looking like Alzheimer's as well, but that's another story).
Do you think she may have choked on some meat so she's eating what she's comfortable with? My Dm eats a similar restricted diet and isn't keen on cooking.

Also mean to say have you considered toddler meals, small portions and generally nutritional balanced

https://www.luneandwild.co.uk/a/loop_subscriptions/bundle/9ec480bbe4d14ce7a501792ca347a594

She needs a general medical checkup.

The GP needs to look for B12 deficiency, which can cause symptoms that mimic dementia.

She should get her teeth checked too - older people with dentures may need a refitting, and those with their own teeth may need fillings or other treatments. Sometimes ill-fitting dentures can result in a limited diet.

Her doctor can assess her diet and can make recommendations. Her overall caloric intake needs to be assessed as well as percentages of various recommended nutrients and nutritional elements (calcium, iron, protein, various vitamins, magnesium, potassium, etc).

Meal services can be a godsend for older people. It's so much work to prepare a meal for one, wash a pot or pan afterwards, wash the dishes, put it all away, three times a day. Many fall into the habit of filling up on biscuits and copious amounts of tea.

A freezer full of hearty soups in single servings that can be plopped into a saucepan and reheated might also be nice.

A few day's supply of hard boiled eggs might be nice as a boost to her protein intake.

Thanks everyone. To answer some of the questions:

She was eating meat regularly when DF was still alive. In the past 5 years or so as far as I know their routine was to do a weekly supermarket shop and DF would plan the menu for that. They were having things like salmon en croute, pork casserole, meatloaf, but DF would do most of the cooking. DM only told me in July that she no longer cooked she just did vegetables. We went on holiday together and I did all the cooking for 6 people for 2 weeks! I think the incident happened around March last year based on old notes I found from my DFs meal planning.

She's never used a microwave but there is one in her kitchen. I can attempt to teach her to use it but she is a huge technophobe (she doesn't have a mobile, doesn't do anything online) so its 50/50 whether she'll be willing but no harm trying.

She can chew OK but has complained of tooth pain in the last month or so. She has a dental check up in a couple of weeks, I may ask if I can go with her. She's definitely in denial about her memory loss. She has so far refused to see the GP. I have told the GP my concerns.

Things like quiche are a good suggestion, I think she'd eat eggs if they were free range. She said won't eat chicken unless its free range when I asked why she didn't order it in restaurants.

Also although it sounds a bit mean I don't want to start cooking for her as a separate thing to cooking for my own household. Life is already busy enough. If she comes over to us for a meal thats great and I am more than happy to cook extra for her to eat with us. But I can't take food over during the week due to my working hours and i don't want to spend my weekend batch cooking for her.

Frozen meals might work if the ingredients are acceptable to her standards. She has, in the past, put all the meat to the side of her plate when I've cooked non-organic for her. I only discovered this weirdness last year but I've noticed it a few times when I've invited her over for a meal.

Do you have any decent farm shops near to you. Quite a lot of then sell good quality ready meals for the freezer.

Also although it sounds a bit mean I don't want to start cooking for her as a separate thing to cooking for my own household.
It's not mean. I only suggested it as I was assuming she came over most Saturdays for a meal and thought if you did a casserole or something for your children on Thursday/Friday you could do an extra amount for her to take home on Saturday night for her to eat Sunday.

As for the microwave maybe write down step by step instructions for basic reheating. Really basic. Include the stabbing of seal, how to set the minutes, what rating it is, how to cancel. Write it down so she can refer to it. An instruction manual can be overwhelming. And watch her actually do one by herself rather than show her as it might sink into her mind better. I did it that way with my mum and it helped.

Hopefully it's something simple like a sore tooth that can be sorted.

Is there an easy way to work out whether her current diet is adequate? If its not actually deficient then I'd be much less worried about DM. Is there an app or website that tells you the overall protein, carbs etc someone is eating as well as vitamins and minerals? I guess I'm looking for a dieting app but for the opposite of calorie counting if you see what I mean!