Help and advice needed please

[doyouwanticewiththat]

My usually independent ( fairly ) 90-year-old dad has got a very bad chest infection and he's been staying with me since Boxing Day. getting increasingly worse more confused, infection increasing. Last night we found him trying to get out of the window. Luckily we are ground floor. He's gone into A&E and I've already had a chat with the nurse looking after him.
My concern is - he can't go home to his own flat as he wouldn't be able to manage .
He can't come back to my house as I can't look after him - the level of need has got too high now . Me and my DH have jobs that are really stressful & we have to be really on the ball ( healthcare ) and my daughter is autistic and needs a lot of support .
I have mentioned it would be unsafe to send him home as of his chest X-ray is ok I think it would be a fairly quick turn around .
Even though I work in healthcare, I am completely at Sea with what I need to ask for - I'm not used to adult social care.

I'm a bit tired so probably not making much sense but what is it? I need to ask for ? Thank you

Just to mention, I have a sibling, and we do not have POA

Is he just in A and E or has he been admitted into hospital?

Do you think he can’t manage due to the infection and will be fine after increase of antibiotics, fine when recovered or is he generally not managing before the chest infection?

My current experience with elderly relatives in hospital is that it’s impossible to get them out, but every situation is different so you do need to be on the ball,

There will be a discharged team at the hospital but when they start talking about him being discharged be very clear he can’t come back to you; emphasise your child’s care needs.

They will then have to assess whether he can go to his own home with a care package or not, and if not whether he needs some rehab/residential care.

Your main task will be about his finances. Does he have savings? If so do you have Lasting Power of Attorney to manage them for him? If he has £ then he will be funding his own care, and you will have a little more control over where he goes and what he gets. If not then it’s up to the social workers to decide and sort.

Worth noting that funding is often available for NHS funded care beds to keep people out of hospital. My dad was in a very similar position over Christmas then fell and ended up in A&E. Physically fine but sudden and worrying confusion. He was seen by the frailty team who are managing some medication changes but they visit him in a care home bed which is funded for four weeks. It’s given us a bit of breathing space to sort care for my mum and for him on his return but it’s all exhausting. We caved and took him home on a previous occasion as he was miserable and the hospital was over an hour away but I think the best bet is to dig your heels in. Im told the words to use are discharge would be unsafe. I don’t think visiting care would be a safe option for either of our situations. Although we also hope this confusion is temporary. Good luck!

Thank you for your replies. I've just got back from the hospital. He has been in A&E all day and the consultant told me they are admitting him. I've reiterated that I couldn't offer care.
Open till now he's been really independent, but his cognitive state has been declining very slowly over the last six months and he's much more frail .
We don't have any lasting power of attorney over financial matters, and he has got savings quite a bit definitely above the threshold .

@Kabloom that sounds really difficult and with your mum as well I'm sorry you're going through that. Actually a RL pass gave me the same advice about using the word unsafe and I have use that several times today. I think I have a lot of family guilt about not caring for elderly family members in the past.! I think when you come out of it for a brief second, you realise how hard it has been . I have heard of the NHS beds you mention I think my MIL was in one.
If my DF was able to get back to normal then I think visiting care may be ok , but my spidey senses say it's not going to go that way . Or if it does , and works , it will only be short term & we will be back in this position when he next has an infection . I know his preference would be to come back to mine for some rehab, which he did do about four years ago. However, my situation was very different than, I was working from home one day a week and very PT Now I work out of home all the time & FT.

Hospital discharge team will make sure things are safe before discharge. I guess you won't know what that looks like just yet but he may improve enough to go home with a care package. get the ball rolling with power of Attorney asap. If he is likely to have difficulties with personal care ongoing and he doesn't already have a disability benefit then look into starting a claim for Attendance Allowance - Age Uk or similar could advise and help. Hope he gets well soon.

I think these boards show how many of us are struggling. We have had two years of uncertainty and putting our lives on hold and I have two involved siblings but it’s still a battle between guilt, resentment and grief for who they quite recently were. all while trying to navigate a system which sends you round in circles until the next crisis. I would definitely take care of yourself as there is plenty to do even with good care in place.

There’s nhs money for up to 6 weeks reinablement care which could be in a care home or at home with carers. This bit is free. After that it depends on your father’s funds. Over £23500 and he pays the full costs for residential or domiciliary care himself . If he is the only one living in his house then that will be counted for residential care. The best place to look is the detailed advice documents on the age uk website they are very informative and up to date