Respite Care

4 replies

MissMarplesNiece · 28/12/2023 23:22

DM lives with my DSis. Except for some cognitive decline she is mentally aware and has capacity. She is however very physically frail. She is also very needy, has a bad temper and can be quite manipulative. My DSis is running round in circles looking after her.

I worry a lot about the effect it has on DSis' health. She looks worn out. DSis & DBil don't want DM to go into care home, but I think it would be good for DSis if DM was to go into respite care to give DSis a break for a couple of weeks.

I can find respite care but I don't know how to get DM to agree to go there. I know the upset, temper tantrums and crying that will result. I know DM will feel hurt and rejected - although she's a much loved member of the family she doesn't seem to feel that way and constantly talks about knowing everyone thinks she's a nuisance and that she's in the way.

DH and I have a one bedroom flat accessed by stairs so it's not possible for DM to come to me for a bit.

I'd appreciate any advice and thoughts.

OP posts:

olderbutwiser · 28/12/2023 23:35

Can you take her away for a few days? To a hotel with accessible rooms or a suitable holiday rental?

Diversion · 28/12/2023 23:39

Perhaps just tell her that Dsis is going away on holiday for a couple of weeks (make up the details as required) and explain that your house is unsuitable. Talk about positives, new people to talk to, a change of scenery for her etc. My In laws informed me that they were very happy and comfortable at home when it was becoming obvious that they required more help and support than we and their carers were able to provide. I had to be very honest and explain that if things changed that they would need to stay in a care home so that they were safe (MIL kept falling and was not taking care of her diabetes and has dementia and FIL has Parkinsons). They are both in a care home now, safe and well cared for and we do not have the constant worry of falls, constant calls in the night etc. It is a hard and not pleasant time but has given us peace of mind. Start with the holiday idea and go from there but do expect things to progress. She might decided that she quite likes wherever she is staying.

Original poster

MissMarplesNiece · 28/12/2023 23:44

@olderbutwiser That is something I could consider if I can find somewhere suitable.

OP posts:

trulyunruly01 · 28/12/2023 23:46

Could you house-swap with Dsis and BIL for a long weekend, e en once a month, that way DM can have no objections.

Flip