Do the elderly routinely infantalise children/teenagers?

[mids2019]

Been to a traditional boxing day party with elderly FIL and Father.

There were a range of children there aged between 10 and 15. Elderly FIL insisted on games more geared to 5 year olds (pin the tail on the donkey, cracker pulling competitions etc) with chocolate rewards

OK it was Christmas and I guess the above could be described as traditional party games

but I noticed there was no real attempt to address the children as young adults.

Is it common for the elderly to have an arrested perception of grand children aging and a lack of comprehension of the concept of a teenager? It s as if the GC are fixed in my elderly relatives minds as being 6abd they can't relate to them at another level.

I’m in my 30’s with two children and my granny still acts like I’m a child… I love it and hope she never stops 😁.

I think it can work both ways.
Ds, 14, socially awkward and reclusive is inordinately proud of himself this Xmas, because he's 'learned to talk to old people now. '

That will be my aunties, uncle and my dad. All over 70.

I pointed out that they were actually once 14 and probably have a fair idea of what that's like.

I'm a secondary teacher with 2 kids of my own and I'm already struggling to remember what under 12s are like/ into. I've got no hope when I'm older still.

Tbf, my dd is already more grown up at 12 than I was, but older ds is much younger.

In our experience grandparents seem to find it hard in those later teenage years, as obviously this generation of teenagers are so different to them as 14 or 15. My grandparents were alot more mature with jobs, etc, so would be talking with the adults not playing games, where i think some of our teenager generation still behave quite young in comparison, so they fall into a bit of a grey area for our older generation.

However, it's great the grandkids still have their grandparents around and are engaged enough to put the effort in to play with them. Pin the tail on the donkey for a bit is ok to keep a grandparent happy. Maybe get the 15 year old to take around a game he does like and teach grandad it, our grandad used to love feeling up to date with kids tends 😁

Buckets and spades for teens at the beach is not uncommon though.

I live in a square where every other house has a widowed/single elderly lady, bar one which has an elderly man and his daughter, and they’re all like this with me. My next door neighbour refers to me as ‘the little girl next door’. I’m nearly 40

I’ve got teen girls and a younger boy, we bring enough buckets and spades for everyone, including the adults. We’ll use them to catch crabs, collect shells and sea glass, and we’ll all end up building sandcastles 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's not something my grandparents ever did and they died a few years ago in their 80s ,they had 8 great gc from 26 down to 3 and also 4 ggc, maybe it was because there has always been a huge age range so they didn't tend to treat the teens/pre teens like little kids

My parents (70s) are the opposite and regularly ask teen DCs whether they think the News Quiz was better when Alan Coren was on, express surprise that they don’t know what an antimacassar is and seem amazed they’ve never watched Russ Abbott. So based on that, elderly parents apparently think teenagers are in their mid 50s 😭

Nah, me and my siblings and cousins just always humoured them as much as possible really. Still do a bit with my DGM and the youngest of us is now 21. It's just light a light hearted in joke amongst us all and all our DPs share in it. No harm done at all.

I'd have loved to have found out. My eldest was 9 when they lost their gps.

Does look like the NHS no longer uses the term 'elderly' and prefers 'older person'

Generally, someone over the age of 65 might be considered an older person. However, it is not easy to apply a strict definition because people can biologically age at different rates so, for example, someone aged 75 may be healthier than someone aged 60. Instead of simply age, ‘frailty’ has a bigger impact on their likelihood to require care and support.

At that age I was into dam building. Spade definitely useful.

Not sure why music has to be aligned to children’s taste?

I think it's more to do with how much contact they have with children/teens and how much experience. Plus whether they have the inclination or energy to put into finding out, which may depend on the number of gc they have?! Not all teen girls like the same thing, for example

I've had elderly relatives give me very young presents in the past but they either didn't have children or were a dad who had presumably not been very hands on with his own children. Whereas the ones who'd been teachers but hadn't had their own kids were very switched on about what was appropriate age-wise and also put the effort into finding out about what modern children/teens might like.

I also think there's a disconnect with how my teenage relatives live now - very much on phones a lot and very internet-savvy which makes it look like they're hiding away and not interacting - vs my own teenage years when the internet wasn't widely available, let alone that of the generation above mine.

You have reminded me of when my Grandma bought me and my cousin a little Fisherprice bus with chunky people to put inside. We were about 8 and 9. Luckily I had a 2 year old relative to pass it onto.

I think our mums must have had a word as next year we both got some M&S toiletries that we loved.

Maybe at the next get together you can take some age appropriate games along for the kids to play with Grandad.

This

Why wouldn't teenagers want to build sandcastles or play daft party games? We are 46, 45, 21 and 19 and we love a day at the beach making a huge sandcastle complex, then watching the sea wash it away. We play silly games and do craft stuff together on special occasions too.

I'm always taken aback by how much of a hurry some MNers are in to usher their offspring out of childhood. I saw someone sneering at the idea of a 10yo girl still playing with dolls, for example, and similar reaction to a 12yo wanting an Easter egg hunt or a family movie night. It's weird.