Illness

7 replies

longnight1 · 24/12/2023 03:34

My DF aged 81 was taken into hospital as he was vomiting, weight loss and generally poorly. They took blood all fine but are unable to do a CT scan as he has rubbish kidney so they cannot use a dye for contrast. The did a scope and said he had an ulcer and inflammation and see now sending him home. I keep having horrible thoughts off what it may be but I seem to be getting ignored by the medics

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 24/12/2023 06:47

Can they MRI instead?
Has there been any talk of not wanting to do too many investigations due to his age and his ability to take treatment, or are they happy with the diagnosis?

caringcarer · 24/12/2023 07:38

I'm sorry your Dad is ill OP. As parents get older it's a sorry. I hope he recovers quickly.

Original poster

longnight1 · 24/12/2023 10:36

@DustyLee123 they said they would not do treatment and he has agreed that is the correct thing to do. I feel as if he has been written off

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MereDintofPandiculation · 24/12/2023 11:13

@longnight1 it’s really difficult, isn’t it? You want the best for your Dad, and for him to be treated with as much care as if he were half his age.

You don’t say what you’re afraid of, but it’s pretty clear. Bear in mind that all the treatments are pretty damaging, and quality of life during them is not great. OK if you think you’ll get another 40 years of life out of them, not quite so clear if you’ve got probably 20 at the most. Maybe the best thing is to fight for him to have treatment that improves his quality of life today?

olderbutwiser · 24/12/2023 11:18

I'm guessing you are worried about cancer. I'm also guessing your Dad has full capacity to express his preferences, so it's his view that matters.

It's important to remember that doctors can't offer treatment if they don't think there will be any meaningful benefit to the patient, and as PP said that treatment can be massively debilitating. Your dad already has kidney disease, and I'm afraid that's not going to help.

Are you able to talk to your dad about what he understands and what he wants?

Original poster

longnight1 · 24/12/2023 13:14

@olderbutwiser my dad does have full capacity I'm concerned that he thinks we are trying to bump him off. The dr mentioned a DRN the other day and he is that what I should do.

OP posts:

MereDintofPandiculation · 24/12/2023 14:38

DNR refers specifically to resuscitation after the heart has stopped beating. It’s brutal in an elderly person, involving broken ribs and pain, and with low chance of success. Even “success” is likely to be a quality of life far less than he has now. So suggesting an elderly person has a DNR isn’t saying they won’t be treated. And it’s not writing them off.

Do get someone go through what a DNR would mean in your dad’s case

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