Phoning the police repeatedly, what do we go now?

[Caffeineislife]

So after months and months of phoning everyone she knows telling them about how she is abandoned and lonely and has no heat/ water/ food GMIL has started to phone the police in distress. This has happened 3 times so far this week (Monday, Weds and early today). She has had a visit from social care who did welfare check on Wednesday.

MIL was there sorting out the aftermath of another distress episode when they arrived, it was an "unplanned - not arranged with MIL" visit and MIL did not take it well. DH and DBIL feel that MIL needs to speak with the social worker who came as the level of support GMIL needs in the last couple of months is larger than what we as a family can realistically manage. However many of social care staff (office based ones) seem to be on leave for Xmas. DH sent an email and got an out of office reply with an emergency contact number.

GMIL mentioned at the weekend (before the ringing the police behaviour began) that she thinks she would like to go into a home, after years of refusal. However, with her complex health needs, plus dementia we think she is likely to need a nursing home. What is the protocol this close to Christmas? We want to visit some homes and explore options but with Xmas and new year, the homes we have spoken too are all saying after new year now. If she continues the phoning of the police will she get an emergency placement?

No.

Honestly New Year is about 10 days away.

You've mentioned at least 5 family members. Can you not look after her until then?

Does she have carers? It would be a big step going from living at home without carers to going to a nursing home?

Could she have a UTI which is making things worse?

Are family able to support until the new year?

No she won’t get an emergency placement. It is unfortunate that some people constantly ring the police when they don’t have an emergency but think they do. If it carries on then the police will deal with it, which might mean an order to not phone the police except in a genuine emergency but if she does genuinely feel in distress then she will continue to ring.

The family will need to muddle through until something can be sorted out long term.

Is there a care package in place? This would be the usual first steps, care homes and nursing homes require care assessments and financial assessments, finding vacancies, going to panel, etc

you can visit places, but these things take time,

think about how you can manage for a few weeks, as long as there is food in the house, heat, family to visit, then she is doing ok, Police sadly are used to this and know to refer to adult services.

speak to Age uK if in Uk or check out their website,

No it won't speed things up. I know of someone who has made so many calls to the police the system can't show them all.

When she calls someone might call her back or they'll call a family member to let them know. If she calls multiple times in one day the calls will likely get linked up and closed as no action

Are social workers and care workers not supposed to have time off over Christmas time to spend with their families. Yes there will be social workers on duty every day to deal with urgent referrals where people or children are in immediate need, care workers in homes have extra tasks to manage the families wishing to visit their family members in the home and putting on a bit of festive cheer for the residents. Surely members of your family have time off over Christmas and can manage your GMIL for a few days, if this has been going on for months it’s not urgent and can wait a week or so. YABVU to expect people to jump just because it suits you to do it now.

If she is self funding, then you have some chance of getting respite care

Many nursing homes have waiting lists but places come up due to the inevitable.

I also wonder if she has a UTI though as this causes a lot of confusion and odd behaviour in elderly patients.

Of course they're on leave! It's December 23rd! Support your family member. Nursing homes are a last resort when somebody can no longer safely care for themselves or be cared for at home. Life expectancy is massively reduced when you make that move. You need to work together to look after her. Nobody is going to 'place' her this week in the situation you describe. There's a huge shortage of places. But more importantly than that she needs her family, she must be terribly frightened.

that's nonsense about life expectancy - and this lady wants to go to a home.

some stats

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/lifeexpectancies/articles/lifeexpectancyincarehomesenglandandwales/2021to2022#:~:text=Life%20expectancy%20for%20care%20home,years%20and%20over%20for%20males.

And if there is a UTI please please watch for sepsis.
It sounds like she needs more at home care, is that possible? That's the ideal really, for most. Is there a particular time for the calls? I had to plug out the phone overnight once I was there to prevent such calls. Its very hard.

Can you try to get an emergency GP assessment tomorrow morning? Call 111? Is this out of character, did she get worse all of a sudden? Are you saying that she is well cared for but she's telling everyone she isn't?

Please stop with the emotive language about nursing homes.

for many people their health improves due to taking medication regularly and being properly cared for, become less anxious and they are considerably safer. This also takes pressure off the family members.

clearly you have not been in the position that some of us are in so maybe keep your ill-advised opinions to yourself as they are not remotely helpful.

Also, a big shout out and thank you to those working in care and nursing homes, some really amazing people there.

No she won't be placed faster. If anything, it will take longer as she is being continuously checked and assessed.

You might be best unplugging the phone until you get her placed.

Hi adult social worker here. I'm not sure where you are, but in my area you would be able to call the emergency duty team at the adult social care dept.
They may be able to find an emergency assessment bed, if you feel it has actually become that serious.
This is a placement in a local residential home for a period of 6 weeks whilst they assess her needs.

Nursing homes are very different and would need a nursing assessment beforehand.

We had this with my mum, a compulsive attention seeker. She would get angry if we wouldn't take her calls when at work, so she would call police or ambulance repeatedly. I cringe when I hear on news about people wasting emergency services time. Eventually they had a really stern word with mum as her temper tantrums could be the difference between a heart attack surviving or now, she said she didn't care.
I did read on mumsnet that a call center worker had numbers like my mum flagged as repetitive, they also knew my dad was home and full care package.
If self funding phone round for vacancies, however be ready for her to change her mind. We had years of this behavior.

Have you not thought that life expectancy is low for people who go into nursing homes BECAUSE they are nearing the end of life?
I mean, life expectancy for people who go into a hospice is really low.
Mt stepfather went into a care home at death’s door. He’s stronger nNow than hes been in many years and looks better than he has for a long time.

I would give a few local care homes a phone and see if any have a respite bed for a couple of weeks if there is money to pay for it. A couple of thousand pounds. It would be a chance to see if it would work for her.

Surely members of your family have time off over Christmas and can manage your GMIL for a few days, if this has been going on for months it’s not urgent and can wait a week or so. This family has been working and managing and elderly person’s care - they too may need a break. And actually, many people only get a couple of days over Christmas- it’s not the norm to completely close down for the period - if you’re in hospitality or retail you’ll get Christmas Day but may be back on shift 6am Boxing Day, and anyone providing health or hospitality services may not get even Christmas Day. And the phoning of the police isa new develop, it hasn’t been going on for weeks.

Have I strayed into AIBU by mistake?

I'm a police call handler - this is quite common. We have a few "regulars" - a lot of them genuinely believing they have an emergency or no food, heat or water. Usually the carers will have been or be due but due to dementia the caller will have no memory of this. We will send officers to check they are OK the first time, and try and get contacts for carers and family, and refer to social services if necessary but aside from checking that other agencies are aware and they have care in place this would be the end of police involvement.
We would also put a marker on their number / address with these contact details for when they call and would let family and/or carers know if they continue to call or are in particular distress.

She could possibly get an emergency assessment bed through the GP as calling the police repeatedly is definitely an escalation in her dementia. Then a care package could be put in place.
I think it's more likely to be successful if you call after Boxing Day.
A care package won't necessarily be in a home, it could be carers 4 x a day which would take so much pressure off family members.

@rubydoobydoo thank you, I thought I had been told before I it was getting really bad with my mum. I don't think people have any idea how hard these situations are and how exhausted and helpless the family feel, it's not like we don't have family, family in law, nieces, nephews, grandkids and our own lives, work, mental health problems.

This is a copy & paste from your very own link you shared "Both male and female care home residents had a statistically significantly lower life expectancy across all age groups compared with non-care home residents in the same age groups"

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew Unfortunately it's true. This is official statistics from ons.gov.uk "Both male and female care home residents had a statistically significantly lower life expectancy across all age groups compared with non-care home residents in the same age groups"

I think it's fairly obvious that someone so ill they need to go into a nursing home will have a lower life expectancy than someone well enough to remain at home