Sad at the lives my elderly parents have now.

[todahlou]

Visited my elderly parents and while they are still living independently they don't ever go out anymore except to the shops. Mum's mobility is poor now but she won't use any aids to get about. She hates being stuck in all day but won't go out even if I offer to take her anywhere in the car. She just watches TV all day. Its Christmas coming up and they just can't be bothered with any of it I offered to put some decorations up for them (and to come back and take them down after) but they refused. I am doing Christmas Day with my husband's family this year but will see my parents over the festive period. They won't come to us at all as they don't like to be away from home.

My older sister still lives with them she is in her early 50's, she never left home and while she does work she just stays in her room most of the time even when I am visiting, she has no real friends and never goes out unless she absolutely has to she just lives online and through her tv shows.

I remember back to when all us kids were still at home and my parents were young and everything seemed normal, we had such lovely Christmases but now it feels quite bleak. Mum has been on anti-depressants for years and they never seem to do much. Dad is ok, he just potters about in the garage in his own world but he seems happy enough.

I don't know perhaps this is all very normal?

I found myself nodding all the way through reading your post, as so much of this is happening in my elderly parents' lives too. When Jimmy Carter passed away it struck me really forcibly that he lived so long and apparently in such a case of contentment because he had a purpose in his life. He didnt just retire to the sofa fulltime and reflect on his past life, he still had living to do right up until the very end. I know hes a bit of an exceptional case, but I think its true that the more you do, and the more interest you take in things outside of yourself, your aches and pains, and needs and wants, the longer and healthier and happier youll live. I know this is a simplistic statement, but I think (thinking for myself and my own old age) if I can try to do just a fraction of that philosophy, my elder years will be so much better than the miserable sedentary and limited life I see my parents enduring, and that you describe in your post.

Agree this does sound sad. As a pp suggested, a medication review for your mum may be a good idea.
Re the lack of decs, my dad (mid 80s) hasn't put them up for years, he doesn't see them as important, and yes he could do with a cleaner but won'tgo there. But he is cheerful

@Lobelia123 I agree

My dad used to put them up for security “this house hasn’t been left empty while the owners go away for Christmas”.

Keeping active is easier if you can keep your passion for life. Keeping an enquiring mind is a prerequisite.

You'd be better off starting your own thread - people will just respond to the original post instead of yours on this thread.

I wish I could offer advice on your actual problem but I've no experience sorry.