Good morning everyone. Sorry for the length of this.
On Tuesday my 88yo DF was called by scammers claiming to be the bank and police so Dad gave them the long number on his debit card. An attempt was made by them to buy stuff on Ebay for approx £6k but fair play to Barclays Bank, they flagged it as suspicious and blocked it. They called DF but he was confused by this. Stupidly he told my sister who lives abroad. She went into a complete panic, blabbed all to her ignorant misogynistic twat of a husband and then ranted and raved to Barclays but got nowhere (mostly because she shouts first before engaging her brain).
Sis & I have joint & several LPA but in March I had the foresight to talk to DF about getting set up on his accounts. We went into his local branch, who know him well, and I have cards on all his accounts there as an attorney. Sister does not have this and doesn't deem it necessary.
I had a long day in school, came home and was ranted at by sis and BiL by phone about how I had to phone Barclays NOW NOW NOW because DF blah blah. I couldn't get a word in as they were both screaming at me. They couldn't give me the fraud phone number so that took a bit of googling. I spoke to a very helpful person who confirmed that no money had gone but DF's card was now blocked. However, I can still manage the account. All good. I spoke to DF who was very upset by it all. I told him to write down what to do next (go to bank on Weds, speak to team who would help him, take his ID etc.) DF very grateful. I spoke to him yesterday and he has a new card coming and everyone in the bank was lovely to him. I have reiterated not to give out ANY information to anyone over the phone. If the police want him, he needs to tell them to come & visit then hang up. He says he understands and feels stupid.
This is not a rant about scammers. They are vermin, scum and I'd gladly machine-gun the lot of them. This is not even praising Barclays who have been absolutely great. WTF do I do about my sister? I can't cope with her any more.
I am 230 miles away from DF. He lived with us from March 2020 to April 2021 in the holiday cottage next to our house and owned by us. He loved having my adult DDs around, me to do all the cooking, going for walks by the beach etc. But sis asserted that I was keeping him from her (they spoke on the phone every sodding day), that I was influencing him to do dangerous things (the Covid vaccine which, following a discussion with DD2 who is studying Biological Sciences, DF wanted to have), and generally stopping her from looking like an amazing daughter. DF wanted to return home, so we took him back. Sister has been over to visit a few times. The last time, she came with DN and idiot BiL. BiL did something to DF's smoke alarm meaning it beeped continually, bought DF a new Dyson when he already had 2 vacuum cleaners in his flat and hates Dyson, and threw away the login information for DF's new mobile phone and broadband providers. DF was angry and upset, so after they had gone home I drove up, stayed for the weekend, undid some of the nonsense that she had sent out to businesses, sorted out the passwords and smoke alarm and brought the hated Dyson home. DF was very grateful, but told me how guilty he feels dragging me up there.
I could have him here permanently, but he would miss his siblings, neighbours and a couple of friends. It is also quite tying for me but I love my DF and he is in pretty good health, all things considered. However, I would be back to 2020 with sis alleging all sorts and my mental health won't take it. I teach P/T so whilst I can go up there for a brief visit, at this time of year it's tricky due to performing commitments. Since the demise of Flybe, driving is the only option. The trains take double the time and cost 4x the money. DF is not really ready for living in a home as he is pretty independent. I am doing most of his life admin, with his blessing and always in discussion with him and it suits us both. But sis feels that it makes her look bad. Her DS is a teen and she works f/t. DF is adamant that he does not want either to move to hers or to have her move in with him.
What can I do? I think she is a narcissist. BiL is enmeshed in everything - my own DH will only volunteer an opinion if DF or I ask as I did when his DM was around. DF wants to treat us both"equally". How can I stop her interfering and unpicking what I've done? I have included her in all decisions about phone/broadband/mobile which has saved DF loads. Yet she won't offer me the same courtesy. Thank you if you have made it this far!