I want to walk away

[Saskia22]

Hey, I'm an only child of 80 yr old parents. There's mum, dad, my lovely child and wonderful partner.
I've always had a close relationship with my dad, bit of a daddy's girl. My mum wasalways a bit jealous.
Poor dad had a stroke in 2012 leaving him paralysed, and not able to talk at all.
Dad lives with mum at home, he has carers for personal care.
My dad is now not the dad I knew at all. He treats me with utter contempt and my mum loves to tell me if she mentions my name and he pulls a horrid face.
My mum emotionally neglected me in childhood but now is quite dependent on me emotionally.
I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ptsd and awaiting a mental health assessment for bi polar.
Mum blows v hot and cold with me still.
Anyone been in similar position? Please x

I am very much in the situation now that I don't think there is any point in doing duty for people who can't be nice or behave themselves.

Why are you not simply walking away? Neither of them are demonstrating any need/desire for you

This won’t improve. Walk away now, take care of your own mental health and enjoy being with your own little family. Good luck to you.

Walk away, you're under no obligation to have anything to do with them, so don't. You need to put yourself, and your child, first.

It doesn't make any difference whether you're an only child or a sibling. It's up to you as individuals whether to get involved or not. Having a sibling doesn't make it easier, it's just more complication.

One of my biggest regrets in life was taking time away from my husband and kids to look after both of my abusive parents. There were no Disney moments. In fact, my mother lost her filter entirely and didn’t attempt to hide her contempt. Don’t waste your life. Organise carers and be happy.

This is your life, you don't get a second go at children when they are younger and spending time with your dh. Use this time wisely.

Your df has a carer and is well looked after your dm has treated you badly when you were young and continues to do so. At the very least cut down contact and don't be at her beck and call.

Being a carer dramatically worsened my mental health. I think to care for someone, you need to love them, respect them and also have a store of personal resilience. Been a carer almost broke me, and broke my little family. Proceed with caution OP.
they have made their choices in life, now you need to make yours, don’t passively go into a carer role if it’s not what you want.

Take care and be kind to yourself. It’s shit.

Walk away. I hate to say this but even be grateful that they are giving you an out. You may be free from years of difficulties helping them out as they get older. It is very challenging being trapped as your parents’ carer.
I’m sorry you’ve lost your lovely relationship with your dad. Perhaps be happy that you had it when you had it? X

Did your dad really have the stroke in 2012 or was that a typo and should have said 2022 ?
it's just that my mum was similarly affected by a stroke in 2020 and the thought of this going on for another 8 years.. I literally can't even think about it

My dad had a stroke aged 55 lost his speech and the use of one arm, he could walk though thank goodness. He lived another 25 years. My mum was his carer, I had two small children then aged 27. It was devastating watching them both. I’m an only one too.
Now I’m 66 and mum is 92. I’m looking for a care home at the mo for mums safety and my sanity.
You have to put your own family and yourself first. There’s lots of help out there. Take care.

No not a typo I'm afraid. Over a decade has taken its toll. Please get as much help as you can and take care of yourself. I'm sorry about your mum

I've been trying to hold onto that. I was really lucky to have him. I'm grateful I still have him. x

Thank you

This is good advice. Your own children and husband should take priority.

Stay at home Dad, I'm struggling with a toxic abusive elderly mother. Also lost my father. Wanting to walk away but feeling guilty... this post and comment section helped me