My mother will not look after some health things

[RainbowColourcake]

My mother had a GP appointment about 4 years ago. She came home and she wanted me to check online for about ways to reduce cholesterol through the diet. She doesn't use the internet. I checked and gave her ideas and even implented a lot of it myself. Her diet is somewhat ok-ish but it's small and limited. She made excuses about all of the changes that I suggested and she never took it seriously.

High cholesterol was found again this year. Her doctor said that it's only slightly elevated.
My mother doesn't want meds. She never took her diet seriously enough. I am concerned about this because this is now prolonged. Now only that she already does a lot of the lifestyle changes that were needed naturally like walking most days, keep moving, she doesn't smoke or drink alcohol. So for her to have raised cholestrol when she's carrying out some steps already is concerning. She doesn't eat from fast food restaurants or take aways or chips or takeouts. Cakes are limited. She doesn't like some biscuits, chocolate, sweets but it's not a gorge fest with her.

I am concerned because there are other things with her and I don't know if they are all connected or separate. My mother is treating it as separate.

Sometimes I see her legs have swelled. My mother has calmed it's varicose veins. She experiences headaches a lot too. She was neglecting the headaches for a few years and only went this year and her GP said sinus.

Right now she's going through a flare with a headache and she is refusing to go to the doctor. She is refusing to even take over the counter medicine like sudafed.

So my mother has neglected high cholestrol for years and she is neglecting headaches too. She will not help herself.

I am unable to get her to her GP because she will not go.

She is early 70s.

She thinks she is doing good by managing her blood pressure only and complains to me.

There was a tragic loss in the locality within the past few days of a lady dying and it was likely a heart attack and it brought it home to me that maybe that could be my mother some day.

She's just not managing any of these.

I have a sibling coming home for Christmas so I will tell him what's happening and see if he can talke to her. I am astonished with her ignorance about her health.

Unfortunately you can't really do much else other than pass on the diet recommendations & health concerns. You can't force her to follow the advice and I would be amazed if your sibling would have any more luck in making her see sense.

You have my sympathy as I'm in a very similar situation with my mum (85) who outright lies to me about taking her medication. She eats a lot of processed food and does no exercise though doesn't smoke or drink. I'm left to pick up the pieces with taking her to hospital appointments and listening to her complaints about her health but she fails to accept that a lot of it is her own doing.

I understand that you are worried about losing her, but she is a grown woman and doesn't have to follow your advice. Most people in their 70s have at least a few aches and pains. None of what you are describing sounds like serious illnesses. Maybe she is burying her head in the sand, but it's her body and her choice.

How is her thyroid? An underactive thyroid can result in raised cholesterol, swollen legs/ankles and headaches. Might be worth getting checked.

High cholesterol is not necessarily about diet - sometimes it is familial. When I had mine done several years ago my late OH (who was a doctor) laughed and said it will probably be a minus figure, knowing my healthy diet. In fact it was raised and he was astonished.

If it is only very slightly raised I would not worry too much.

I feel your pain. My mother nearly died due to neglecting her health. Because she lived alone we didn’t know what was happening and if we asked she would just lie and say everything was fine. She finally collapsed due to being so ill and once she was in hospital she couldn’t deny her various symptoms any longer and had them treated. She had advanced cancer and was very fortunate it was still operable.

Mum’s problem is very severe anxiety (which naturally she also refuses treatment for). She gets herself into an absolute state over going to the GP, having simple tests etc.

She’s an adult (sound mind?). You’ve expressed your opinion, it’s up to her now. Not everyone wants to live forever.

I have high cholesterol (genetic not diet). I won’t take statins despite GP’s insistence. Cholesterol being raised a little in 70s is fairly harmless, especially for women.

We all get to make our own decisions. You’ve made your thoughts known OP, which is reasonable. But I would say it’s up to your DM now what she does.

If she is capable of deciding for herself, I think you should leave her to it. Maybe just a gentle reminder eg for the swollen legs, offer to take her to an appointment if she wants to contact the doctor. My parents are exactly the same and refuse to take any tablets for anything and won’t contact the doctor in case they get taken into hospital.

I’ve accepted it now as I know nothing I do will change their minds.

Slightly raised cholesterol in your 70s isn't a huge worry, and if she is keeping her blood pressure under control that is good.
if she won't take meds there's not a lot you can do, ultimately it's her choice. And if her GP is pressuring her to do so, take it with a pinch of salt -- GPs are incentivised to prescribe statins.
Perhaps just advise her to get the level checked regularly in case it increases further.

I think there's something to be said for not taking every single medication a doc prescribes. Some elderly people are on far too many, which then have side effects which need more drugs.

You've told her what you think, you now have to let her get on with it, as hard as they may be.

Thanks for the replies and for putting my mind at ease that elevated high cholestrol in the 70s is nothing to worry about.

She still had headaches that she will not manage. She won't even take paracetamol because of some sort of a hippy notion that medicine is bad. She is hoping for some sort of a manage bottle of pills from a healthfood shop but she was never hippy like when I was younger. This has really come out of nowhere.

When she has a cold she won't help herself by drinking more fluids and taking vitamin C and zinc as an example but everything else she's hoping for a magic solution in a health food shop.

For me, I am a believer in food is medicine and a good diet with plenty of fruit and vegetables and superfoods is good but I keep my stance to myself and I don't really push it out onto others. I do encourage my mother to eat better but shes very arguementative about everything and makes excuses.