Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Mum not taking medication - huge worry

10 replies

EMGEMG · 09/11/2023 20:04

PLEASE RESPOND WITH COMPASSION AND KINDNESS 💕My mum is 77 and is refusing to take some of her prescribed medication for her hypertension. As a result the last 6 weeks has been really stressful as her blood pressure has been up and down like a yo-yo. She lives with her husband - my step-dad - but he's not great at being proactive and keeping an eye on her. Mum was rushed into A&E on Friday night, but due to bed shortages and after being assessed she was discharged on Saturday afternoon with a tweak to her medication.4 days later and she's yet again refusing to take her meds. She's once again very poorly with very high blood pressure. There's a complication: me and my siblings suspect she has an undiagnosed serious mental health issue (she's extremely anxious, is often depressed and very paranoid and has always lacked empathy but is highly sensitive). My step-dad shows signs of Aspergers - again, it's undiagnosed.No amount of talking to my mum helps. She ignores us and tells us to stop worrying. This is not new behaviour, but now she's older, her attitude is putting her life at risk. And causing my step-dad no end of stress - we nearly lost him earlier in the year due to heart-related issues.I'm the nearest child so the burden also falls to me to organise medical appointments, check in with them and all the other stuff that comes with supporting older parents.I'm single, earning money but due to cost of living I'm struggling. I can't afford a holiday. I also have ME - a chronic autoimmune disease. Has anyone been in a similar position? Any advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
slopsan · 09/11/2023 20:08

You cannot control her behaviour. As an adult, she is allowed to make unwise decisions unless she does not have capacity to make decisions.

Ballsbaill · 09/11/2023 20:10

Yes. Leave it.
My mum said no to radiotherapy and feeding tube with stage 4 cancer.
It's her decision. Mums consultant said its her body and her choice.

Just leave her be.

Thenewnewme · 09/11/2023 20:10

What reason is she giving for not taking the medication? You can ring her GP and express your concerns. But you can’t change her behaviour. She’s an adult and is free to make her own decisions even if they’re not sensible.

Original poster
EMGEMG · 09/11/2023 20:23

The GP is very aware but they're massively under resourced so don't really pay much attention to her- which is normal these days for GPs!

OP posts:
Original poster
EMGEMG · 09/11/2023 20:23

Thanks for the advice so far. Any advice for handling my own stress? Considering others have been or are going through similar situations.

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 09/11/2023 20:33

So when she was rushed into A and E, who initiated that?

I can relate because my own Mum had schizophrenia and alcohol issues and a lot of complex health needs (copd, Crohn’s, bowel cancer in the end etc) and to be honest I got to the point where I just got carers involved through social services because it was too much for me to cope with. But your mum doesn’t sound like she’s lacking in capacity, just the will to look after herself. All you can do is let her get on with it. If you genuinely think she’s going to kill herself then you have to ring 999 obviously if it’s that acute a situation but otherwise you have to accept she can make her own choices.

SkyFullofStars1975 · 09/11/2023 20:45

My Mum doesn't take her meds for her blood pressure as prescribed. Turns out that one of them is a diuretic and she kept wetting herself as she couldn't get to the bathroom in time.... so I'd gently probe her reasons why just in case.

She's got horrendous lower leg odema as a result too and keeps getting cellulitis. I'm not getting too involved for my own sanity as she's got her head firmly in the sand over it all, and her house doesn't help with no downstairs bathroom. Then add in the hip that needs replacing but she's in denial about too. Her old age is going to be a complete headfuck if I let it.

Original poster
EMGEMG · 09/11/2023 20:58

Pigeonqueen · 09/11/2023 20:33

So when she was rushed into A and E, who initiated that?

I can relate because my own Mum had schizophrenia and alcohol issues and a lot of complex health needs (copd, Crohn’s, bowel cancer in the end etc) and to be honest I got to the point where I just got carers involved through social services because it was too much for me to cope with. But your mum doesn’t sound like she’s lacking in capacity, just the will to look after herself. All you can do is let her get on with it. If you genuinely think she’s going to kill herself then you have to ring 999 obviously if it’s that acute a situation but otherwise you have to accept she can make her own choices.

My step dad called 999 when she collapsed.

OP posts:
Original poster
EMGEMG · 09/11/2023 21:03

SkyFullofStars1975 · 09/11/2023 20:45

My Mum doesn't take her meds for her blood pressure as prescribed. Turns out that one of them is a diuretic and she kept wetting herself as she couldn't get to the bathroom in time.... so I'd gently probe her reasons why just in case.

She's got horrendous lower leg odema as a result too and keeps getting cellulitis. I'm not getting too involved for my own sanity as she's got her head firmly in the sand over it all, and her house doesn't help with no downstairs bathroom. Then add in the hip that needs replacing but she's in denial about too. Her old age is going to be a complete headfuck if I let it.

Oh, I'm sorry. I appreciate your frankness. It's horrendous. There's no easy way to manage yourself it seems, apart from letting them get on with it. I have a third parent (my biological dad) who's very, very difficult but I cut off that relationship years ago for my sanity. So things could be a lot worse. And that might still happen. I'm new to having elderly parents - this year has shunted us into this stage in life. So unsurprisingly, I've had trouble handling it.

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 09/11/2023 21:08

EMGEMG · 09/11/2023 20:58

My step dad called 999 when she collapsed.

Show quote history

Ok so at the very worst you know she’s going to get help if she needs it.

Its hard to accept but you just have to not get involved with that side of things.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page