When does forgetfulness become dementia?

[NetZeroZealot]

I've just spent a couple of weeks staying with my dear 88 year old Dad.

I'm really concerned about his memory, which has really deteriorated over the past year or so, and spending a lot of time together with just the 2 of us (Mum was away) has highlighted this.

For example - reads the Times every day but doesn't know the name of the PM. ("that little Indian man")
Gets very confused about time of day and even the month and year.
Sometimes forgets if he's had a meal.
Can't remember some grandchildren's names.
Repeatedly asks same question, e.g. what time is something happening.
Can't remember basic words/names like names of supermarkets, some types of food ...

BUT - very capable of lucid and interesting conversation and appears fully mentally engaged most of the time.

I'm not sure what I should do.

Thank you for that link @JennieTheZebra - looks like it needs updating from when Theresa May was PM though!

@FictionalCharacter yes, the most recent version says "who was the first woman prime minister?" All the rest is the same though 😊 it's quite a tricky test really, in parts.

Please be aware that dementia is not the same for everyone - there are different types of dementia depending upon which part of the brain has stopped functioning properly. My mum struggled with planning and organisation, but my dad continued to cope with this but forgot who people were . We initially didn't pick up the problem with dad because of him still being able to do things mum couldn't (eg he could shop and cook a meal and deal with finances but became confused as to who we were).

Regarding the diagnosis - it is important in the early stages for someone still living independently as the diagnosis is needed to access certain services and funding. For a person who may have other problems and be already living in a care home, the diagnosis would not be so important .

it is important in the early stages for someone still living independently as the diagnosis is needed to access certain services and funding Which services and funding are dependent on a diagnosis?

My father did not have a dementia diagnosis- he did the short test but scored too high - but we were able to get Social Services and OT support, and AA. We didn’t, of course, get the reduced Council Tax.

I think my advice would be, try to get a diagnosis, but don’t despair if it proves impossible. Help should still be available.

I think it's really hard to tell how far someone's mental capacity has declined when they are living in a familiar environment and follow the same daily routine. To some extent we become a bit like trams running on tracks.

It can all go to shit if something changes, e.g. a fall resulting in hospital admission.

What type of dementia did she have, Candle? My mum is a bit like this and I'm wondering...

@UltimateFoole I’ll PM you if that’s ok

@UltimateFoole my mum had fronto temporal dementia, and her first symptoms were some behaviour changes, but mainly her loss of words and in particular words for things. When she was diagnosed her standard memory test wasn't too bad - but the more specific test for her problems showed massive problems - she couldn't draw a clock or copy a picture at all for instance.
FTD is different from Alzheimers, and causes problems like mums distress at not understanding speech eventually, and she could see with her eyes but her brain didn't interpret things. Things people recommend for those with dementia didn't help her at all - she hated music later (for a while her music taste changed massively and she was no longer interested in what she had been and would listen to things she had hated), photos didn't mean anything and she'd get angry

I tend to think they might over diagnose dementia. My dad was diagnosed 10 years before he died and remained lucid throughout. He didn’t lose anything, repeat himself or display any other of the listed symptoms. None of us could understand it.

My 87-year-old mum has been worried about her memory for a while so is finally (8 months after a brain scan) going to get her results next week. I think (at most) she has mild cognitive impairment, but I strongly suspect they’ll diagnose dementia

I’ve never heard of anyone being diagnosed with MCI - it seems to be dementia or nothing

Have you claimed Attendance Allowance for him?

My dad was diagnosed with MCI. He was able to function fairly well at home, but went off the rails a lot from the moment he was hospitalised after a fall. It was very hard to know what to call it, e.g. delirium or dementia. In the end, I suppose, the brain is like any organ and eventually starts to fail. How and why it's failing, and to what extent, and what the effects are, must vary individually so is probably hard to measure...?

@olderbutwiser , from experience, even when a diagnosis is made relatively early, the person is liable to a) forget, and/or b) refuse to accept that there’s anything wrong with them.
My DM was told by her GP that she had Alzheimer’s, and apparently accepted it, but had completely forgotten by the time she got home maybe 15 minutes later, and just became angry if we tried to remind her.

FiL was much the same - unable to accept that there was anything wrong with him.
In both cases (IMO) the ‘denial’ was not denial as such, but simply down to the fact that at any given moment, they couldn’t remember that they could never remember anything. (If that makes sense.)

My DF has mild cognitive function, we're going through the memory clinic thing atm, they said the same, that it's good to be in the system in case you need help further down the line and they can deteriorate rapidly sadly.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER that's just like my mum. She doesn't remember seeing the doctors so it didn't happen. Ditto being prescribed hearing aids - she threw them away when dad died because she thought they were his as she couldn't remember. I pity her neighbours she has the tv so loud but when she doesn't hear the phone it must be the phone that is faulty.

DM has recently been diagnosed with MCI, in spite of having a very poor score on the MMSE. I was surprised tbh - the definition for MCI seems to be cognitive decline that's worse than expected for the person's age, but not enough to cause a significant impact on daily life and work. Whereas I think mum's cognition absolutely does affect her daily life, and there's no way on earth she'd be capable of working now. It worries me that she might have dementia but undiagnosed, as the time that medication apparently works best is when it's in its earliest stages.

I don't know anything about this. Please tell me more.

https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

It's for people over pension age who struggle with daily living activities.

Such as cooking, getting dressed, washing, going to the lavatory, struggling with incontinence.
Etc.

Thanks. He can manage all those things at the moment.

I've just looked at the link.

These all apply to my Dad (he already has a disabled parking badge) but the person helping care for him is his wife (my Mum), so does that count?

• you have a physical disability (including sensory disability, for example blindness), a mental disability (including learning difficulties), or both
• your disability is severe enough for you to need help caring for yourself or someone to supervise you, for your own or someone else’s safety
• you have needed that help for at least 6 months

Read through the application form.
For example, if he takes longer to get dressed than he used to, he might well qualify.
That's just an example.
If he had trouble turning over in bed, he might qualify.
It would be worth your looking through the form.

People who are becoming forgetful, for whatever reason, generally qualify.

Thank you @TheShellBeach this is really interesting.

Yes, it doesn't matter who assists him.
He will qualify.