Mother

[pushmina]

So my mother is staying with me and my hubby for a month I have 4 kids as well so she’s here to help out which of course I really appreciate that’s she’s doing everything however I have one problem she has no self boundaries she will sit and discuss about my problems with my husband private things about me from my childhood things that I have told her not to say because they are private for me she doesn’t care she will say I even had an argument with her and got angry to please stop opening your mouth about everything!!!

her reply is well everything should be out in the open I don’t believe in lies bla bla bla I just can’t take it anymore I get paranoid every time I leave her downstairs alone knowing she will talk rubbish and she is here for a month as well I am not a baby 35 years old and she treats me like a kid infront of my husband saying to me is there any routine for kids are you bringing the up properly have you fed them yet and then correcting me every time I talk telling me to calm down every 5 mins I don’t know how I’ll survive.

She needs to go home. She is in your home, and she should stick to your boundaries.

Very hard to let go. However old they are, they are still your children, the most important people in your life, who you want things to go well for, and you still have 30 years more life experience than them. I once reminded one of my parents what they were doing at my age, and it did give them pause for thought.

It doesn't sound as though she's helping at all, especially if you can't relax enough to leave your DM and DH together.

I would suggest that whilst she likes to have "everything in the open" it's your house and your DH and it's up to what what you talk about and when and then say as you can no longer trust her to keep information to herself that you confided in confidence, it's better if she went home. I'd expect tears though...

I agree with this.

The thing is we’re mixed race so my mum is English and my dad Pakistani he passed away back in 2019 so my mum lives with my brother and his wife in wales so she’s just come here to spend time with grandchildren which I appreciate.My husband is Pakistani so they respect there elders a lot so he aspects me to do same as well even though he knows what she’s like and he knows I get angry at her but he still says respect her which is good on his side but my mum is toxic she has no boundaries she thinks she can say and do what she likes I told her make yourself at home do what you please eat what you like don’t need to ask me but just keep your boundaries only thing I’m asking is don’t discuss with my husband about my life how as she doing with kids or as a wife is she doing her duties I mean it’s really not her business she’s just trying to cause problems and as soon as my husband goes work she starts fighting arguing with me for no reason I’m talking to her shush! Stop acting childish I don’t understand why she behaves like this.

She probably thinks she is "helping" you.

Here's an idea:

Try telling her you are thinking about going to see a therapist and will tell her everything from your childhood, and beyond, so there is no need to discuss it now.

Repeat this every time she strays into conversation you are uncomfortable with.

This may scare her a little and of course you don't have to actually do it.

i seriously want to cry I can’t take it anymore I am always the bad one in the family the crazy one everyone is normal apart from me today everything was going normal so before all this drama my husband was doing his office work so I asked him can he pick kids from school as it was heavy rain and I can’t drive so I asked him can he pick kids from school so he starts getting rude to me can’t you see I’m working how do you manage while I go to office just being rude so I said to him okay I’ll pick but I’ll be back bit late because one I have to pick up duaghter at 3 and other at 4 so I’ll stay out because I can’t be bother to drop one home then go second time.He replied me with a rude tone saying do whatever you feel like I know what you trying to do make me feel sorry for you so I can do and pick he’s damn rude to me and this is all while my mum is sitting and listening.

Later on I go upstairs I have my periods and I had a lot of pain in my tummy so I went to lie down for 5 mins he starts screaming at me from downstairs to come down I told him I will I’m in but of pain I’ll come give me few mins no he’s shouting to come down because he’s working and my toddler was annoying him so I come down I start getting angry at him that I’m not well calm down stop shouting all time keeps telling me stop cussing drama your drama for no bloody reason then my mum says to me you are the drama it’s all your fault because if you had answered your husband he would have to shout at you it’s all you you are the problem you are the bad one he reacts because of you I don’t know why everyone put blame on me I’m going crazy am I the bad one is it actually me why am I the one who’s drama and I need to grow up by the ways I’m 35 I can’t take it anymore!!!!!