Mum found outside.

[Limetreee]

Hi. Mum 92 was taken into hospital Monday evening, she became very confused and had a high bp. She’s now on an elderly care ward, still very confused but everything else okay.
I’ve given her full medical history to the A &E Dr She asked wether we were managing with four carers visits and myself, I said no definitely not especially now she’s walking around outside. I really want her to go into a nursing home, mum however really does not and gets angry at anyone that suggests it.
So what I’m asking is what happens next and where do we go from here. I’ve no idea.

Oh OP, I'm sorry you're in this situation. Mine was slightly different, so I hope this gives you a bump.

The only bit I do know, is that hospitals will typically try and get a discharge done asap. DO NOT agree until there is a full care plan in place.

They will need to assess her to see if she has the mental capacity to make her own decisions. Make sure they do this.
If she doesn't, then the care team will need to look at residential care.

Has your mother still got legal capacity (when she is "well")?
Until it becomes a welfare issue she gets to choose. You can speak with the social worker in the hospital and see what they are suggesting as a short to long term plan. Sometimes having all the paperwork done and recomendations by the hospital and other professionals and looking at the various carehomes is a good thing to do even if DM is not willing to commit at the moment.

Plus the carers that you currently have may be able to guide you on how she is getting on when they are there. If she goes back home would recomend that you ask them to make a special note of how she is mood wise and track any memory laps of change of character on each visit.

When you say she is going out is she choosing to go out for a reason or is she wandering due to memory issues or mental confusion?

If you are burned out would DM go to a home for a few weeks as a stepdown from hospital to give you a break?

When my grandma did this she started wondering at night and in the end I contacted adult social services as she was clearly at risk (I don’t live locally either) and they came and did an assessment and ruled she didn’t have mental capacity and she was in a care home a few days later. However she clearly did not have mental capacity and was at immediate risk so it was fairly clear cut for us.

Hi. Mum went to get help, as she had in her words a funny head , prior to that she was banging on her window trying to attract attention, she must have been so frightened bless her. She has an alarm which she has used many times before, but this time she didn’t think to use it.
Ambulance men found her bp to be really high and she was cold so they took her in. She has had s brain scan which has come back normal, but is still really confused.
She was fairly confused before this, but now it’s s while different level.
Thank you for your replies. Looks like there’s a lot to navigate.

Have they checked for a urine infection this time too? It causes and escalates confusion in older people.

If she's unwell for any reason she will be more confused than usual. Unsafe wandering can be a trigger for a deprivation of liberty order. I suspect you were asked if you were managing because they are thinking that it may be necessary. Talk to the hospital social worker and be completely honest about all difficulties and capabilities.

Yep UTI would be the first suspect

Then blood pressure / hypertension can cause a "funny" head

And ear problems as if impacts balance so colds blocked nose etc.

And has the house got carbon monoxyoid(sp?) alarms as this colder temps is when heating rooms may result in new heat sources being switched on.

Thanks again. No signs of infection anywhere. She lives in a new housing association flat, the boiler is checked regularly so shouldn’t think it was that, but might be worth checking.
I think the bp is to blame for her funny head, it’s very unstable and drop like a stone when standing, 95/ 60 hence she can’t stand for long, and is very unsteady.

I work in care and sadly there are many, many residents there who never wanted to be. Why would they? It's a whole new way to live and it's not their own familiar surroundings where they can do what they want when they want and where they don't have complete strangers around them, interrupting them every couple of hours or more.

That said, everyone gets used to it. It just takes time and a hell of a lot of support and convincing to give the new way of life a try. It's done to keep them safe from harm. It's done to keep them healthy and secure. They almost all hate it at first because they have no idea that they are a danger to themselves. They will never realise that no matter what. Many people suffering dementia etc get very angry when you try to tell them something they don't believe because they KNOW they're right. Just like if someone tried to tell you that you just ate dinner when you know you didn't because you know that you haven't eaten a thing since breakfast because you've been busy working. You would argue wouldn't you? and wonder why the hell some lunatic is trying to tell you something you know for a damned fact is not right.

If your mum is wandering outside then it may be the case that you will have to put your foot down and get social services on board with getting your mum into a facility where she can live safely.

SistersnotCisters. Thank you for your post. It makes complete sense to me, and of course the main thing is their safe, which she certainly isn’t,as she in a first floor flat. She fell down the full length last year and suffered a brain haemorrhage.
So every time she decides to go out it’s very dangerous and I haven’t been able to rest properly since she fell and broke her hip four years ago. It’s all a nightmare ! But I’m determined this time to make sure she is cared for 24/7 even if like you say she’ll hate it to start with. I’ll support her as much as possible. Thank you.

Has she got a social worker?
They can come and access to see if you're Coping.

Ours was very good and got them on a care home within 4 days.
Look after yourself or you will make yourself ill.

We let MIL stay home with carers dropping in, for too long.

At 5am one morning, a passing police patrol found her wandering a mile from home. They took her to hospital, and from there she was discharged to a care home for respite and assessment, where she stayed for the rest of her life.

I dread to think that might have happened had she not been found when she was. I'm afraid that whatever your mum wants, you have to make this decision for her own safety.

Im going to the hospital later, so I’ll ask about a social worker. Thank you.
Saraclara. It’s just awful isn’t it. We’ve had carers now for three years, like you too long. I’ll have to take a deep breath be strong and do what’s right for her.

Wonderful post.
Sad but true.
This does hit home.
Check out some local care homes.
We did and the dedication of the staff is amazing.
The kindness, care , consideration and intelligence of these angels has given me a hold new perspective.

Good luck. I hope you can find a place that's as wonderful as my MIL's care home was. The transition can never be easy, but to be honest MIL got used to it a lot more quickly than we expected.

Unfortunately, SIL and I both lived a couple of hours away, and though SIL gave up her job in order to spend half of the week at MIL's and half the week with her own family, and MIL's neighbours were all amazing, even that wasn't enough.

When she went into the care home we, and her nephews and nieces all made sure that we made the journey up there to see her as often as was humanly possible, and we were, at that stage, able to take her out to a cafe or for a short outing. So we had some really nice quality time together still, to ease her in.

saraclara. That all sounds wonderful. Your mil was a very lucky lady. I hope it’s the same for us. Knowing my luck it’ll be a fight all the way, everything has been so far. I hope mum is due some good luck 🤞