My Dad is 71 and for 15 years we didn’t speak. He isn’t a nice man, selfish and narcissistic. I get no joy from my relationship with him only stress and anger. The trouble is my personality - I am not the most outspoken or direct and for some reason remain scared of him. It’s like I revert back to being a child with him. He dominates all conversation and has never accepted anything he’s done wrong such as never being there much as a kid as off down the pub and not paying a penny of child maintenance when he and my Mum split up.
When we got back in touch, he found out he was ill and moved to be close to me as he has no one else. Whilst he’s never said it, I suspect he did so thinking I’d be there to care for him. He is very expectant for someone who has given very little.
Recently he’s purchased a few things on finance yet doesn’t have much money. He made the comment that he’d not gone too expensive with this new purchase as wouldn’t want to leave me in any debt. I did respond to say that I didn’t have any money myself but I was absolutely furious that he’d think I’d take that on.
He’s also said he won’t have enough money for his funeral but again, I don’t want to pay out when he paid nothing towards me. When we reunited, the reason he said he paid no CSA was because they’d have taken everything from him and had left my Mum the house (though she did give him a settlement of 9k which back in the early 90’s was adequate in terms of what he’d paid in). My Mum said he had told her at the time regarding the CSA that she had made her bed and she would have to lie in it. ( it was her choice to split due to his drinking). He has said before to me (when drunk) that he did nothing wrong.
Recently, he’s asked me to take a days leave to spend the day with him at hospital which will be 10 hours worse case. It’s an early morning start which will mean my other half having to get to work late and sort the kids for school. I don’t want to take annual leave so have said I can’t take him due to kids but can pick him up.
I know he will be furious at this. He is an angry and easily offended person. But this is only going to get worse due to his medical condition. On one hand I don’t want to put myself out for him but on the other I know he’s got no one else and question if I’m being harsh. I’m literally in fear of seeing him again over the hospital request as can’t be dealing with his wrath. Getting back in touch was a big mistake as I don’t need this stress. But it would be cruel of me to walk away when he’s ill and has no one