Strategies for coping with my mother endlessly misplacing things

[falstaff1980]

My mother lives alone now that my father passed away, I live nearby and see her every day, but many times my visits are spent trying to find items she's misplaced. The frequent ones are purse, handbag, glasses, hearing aids.

For the purse one, I've hidden some cash in the house so she can phone me and I'll tell her where the cash is hidden.

Perhaps just getting spare glasses and hearing aids for her, and hiding those somewhere is also an idea.

I say 'hiding', because if I put them where she might find them during the day, she's likely to take them and put them somewhere else then forget where.

I'm wondering if if might be sensible to have her give up her bank cards (remembering PIN is a problem now, and it's only a matter of time before she loses them outside the house and we have to call the bank to cancel) and just use cash, which I can draw out from her account each week (I have LPA).

Re bank cards, you might consider a Starling account which you manage online, if she misplaces her card then you can cancel it yourself immediately?

Re losing stuff...with my grandfather we agreed specific places where everything lived, and put a big label there, so when he took his glasses off they ALWAYS went on the kitchen bench next to the label. Bit like having one of those workshop wall units with the outline of all the tools painted on, you could easily see if something was in its right place or not?

Or would it help for her to have a (nice) bum bag round her waist, and keep everything in there all the time?

I think it is time to give up her bank cards (also makes her less vunerable to fraud) but you could get something like a Revolut card for her which you have the app for on your phone with a small amount of money on (or Tesco do a carer card thing I think which you top up) if she still wants something to spend with.
Her handbag, hide an Airtag in the lining so you can easily find it when it is lost. Similarly door keys you can add a tag onto them.
Does she need full prescription glasses or could you buy cheap glasses online and leave them all over the house? With a pair hidden for as needed

@falstaff1980
Attach key/object locators to purse/keys.
Buy a safe. Purchase an extra set of hearing aids, glasses. Keep important paperwork in safe as well.
Declutter house and have a space labelled for items.
Keep a bag at your house with items e.g. pens, sponges, washing liquid etc and take it with you when you visit.
Before removing bank cards, have you applied for property and financial affairs LPA, if not do so now.

With glasses - additional sets of prescription glasses are expensive. You can get not exact ones from supermarkets - so they stock +1, +2 etc.

Cheaper to replace.

Also does she have all her old glasses?

Does she have early dementia? Because TBH it sounds like it. Putting things away (or hiding them) was a factor with both my DM and my FiL. DM hid her patio door keys so thoroughly, we never found them even when clearing the house after she’d moved to a CH.

We had to get the lock changed - Dbro and I then kept our own copies.
If I were you I’d get any keys copied before they disappear. And I’d def. remove any bank cards (or scratch off the security digits so they can’t be used over the phone) and anything else important, e.g. financial paperwork, bank books, paperwork, passport, if she has one.

This was the first sign of Dementia fir my DMIL too. Do you have health POA as well as Financial?

Has she been to the memory clinic?

Agree with attaching an AirTag to her keys and handbag.

You can get prescription glasses more cheaply online. I think the frames she had will have a miner written on them which gives the frame size.

Some opticians do a “second pair half price” offer if you get the spare at the same time as you replace the main pair. The supermarket option is OK if you’re purely shortsighted but not if the prescription includes prism or astigmatism.

Thanks all, my mother has been diagnosed with a condition called mild cognitive impairment, so not dementia yet at least.

Good ideas about the airdrops, but I think I'll go for the competing product called Tile since that has both android and iphone support (I have iphone, but other family members who can help my mum all have android).

After reading some answers on the glasses I had my mum test out my 2.0 magnifier reading glasses I use, and she was able to read with them, so I'll just a get 5 of those for £10 on amazon.

I have LPA for both finance and health, I'll be keeping a close watch for signs of this MCI becoming dementia. I'd like to keep her in her house as long as possible (assuming she wants to stay there), my wife suggests we pool houses and buy a bigger house where my mum can live with us, but I hear this can be a big problem if she ever really needs to go into a nursing home.

I have LPA for both finance and health, I'll be keeping a close watch for signs of this MCI becoming dementia. I'd like to keep her in her house as long as possible (assuming she wants to stay there), my wife suggests we pool houses and buy a bigger house where my mum can live with us, but I hear this can be a big problem if she ever really needs to go into a nursing home.

It's really good that you have LPA for both. I've had to use the Health one for a couple of relatives but so far, I've not had to use the financial one.

I don't know anything about Depravation of Assets, you might want to start another thread on that.

Do bear in mind too that any move might cause a decline in her cognition, but I always think it's better to make the move to somewhere more suitable when you choose to rather than when you're forced to.

If her cognitive impairment declines into dementia, then having her live with you could easily turn into a nightmare - I’m speaking from experience here. Hardly anyone who hasn’t lived with dementia understands what it can be like - I know we didn’t. It was truly a case of learning the hard way.

Having a granny annexe will mean nothing if a person reaches the stage where times of day or night mean nothing - they will be banging on the door at 2 or 3 a.m. demanding to know e.g. why the TV remote isn’t working (because they’re trying to use a phone) or even the TV - because for the 97th time they’ve turned it off at the plug. Or demanding to be driven from Berkshire to Scotland at 3 am - a GM did this, in her nightie - and it was a neighbour’s door she was banging on.

And if you pool resources to buy a bigger house to share, this can and probably will be seen by social services as using the person’s funds in order to provide yourself with a bigger house. They can and will demand the money back. (That’s assuming there aren’t other funds for paying any necessary care home fees.)

Sorry, but it’s as well to be aware.

Keeping her safe in her own home as long as possible is ideal - my Mum and my MIL had/have forms of dementia. Get aids to help her in place sooner rather than later so she can learn how to use them.

I think that's good advice. I think in my experience you can tend to think they are better than they actually are.