Please help me prepare for a difficult time ahead and navigate the system

[allofasuddentoosoon]

I live abroad and my 77 year-old dad was taken to hospital last night after calling an ambulance as he was feeling unwell, 'confused and weak' to use his words.
He has had an ECG and CT scan, (both came back ok - or "nothing acute"[, blood tests - I don't know the details -an x-ray on his chest and abdomen as he has apparently been having intermittent pain for the last three weeks, the doctors think this could be constipation, and another for his back which has also been giving him a lot of pain today - more about that later.
His partner had the early to mid stages of dementia and he is her carer. He has been under a lot of strain as a result.
A friend came with him to the hospital and has been keeping me informed.
When I phoned the hospital this morning I was told they think the confusion was due to a UTI and the nurse was hopeful he would be released later today.
When I spoke to his friend later afternoon I discovered that he had, literally, walked out of the hospital around midday - they were unaware of this! - and called his partner in a confused state who then alerted the friend, who in turn alterted the hospital. It turns out that he fainted and fell in the street and was found by a passerby who alerted a nearby doctor's surgery.
Anyway, he was taken back to hospital and now has acute delerium and is complaining of acute pain in his back, possibly due to his fall.
I am obviously very worried as this has come more or less out of the blue, although I did find him tired and a bit down when I saw him a week or so ago when I was back visiting.
I am trying to prepare for what will need to be done when he is finally released. I've Googled acute delerium and learned that it could clear up if the underlying cause is found and treated but equally may not, depending on what the cause is.
Can anyone tell me what I need to be doing/putting in place, and who are the people/agencies I need to contact? I don't have power of attorney which is adding to the problems, especially since he has power of attorney for is partner, who has no family and really can't be left alone for too long.
I am trying to work out how I can go back and support him/them and put things in place. Home help? A place in a care home? All of this is, as my new username says, all of a sudden and too soon, and I am floundering.

The delirium is scary to witness but the staff should be able to manage it. Hope he's on a locked ward so he can't wander again. Can you put things in place for his partner. It might need to be an urgent referral to social services. Your Dad will need at least a month to recover.

Thank you, @Springcleaninginsummer .
The urgent referral to social services, is it as simple as looking up their number in the phone book or would I need to go through their GP? I am clueless by googling fast...

I've just found this on another thread which is very helpful.
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/factsheets/fs29_finding_choosing_and_funding_a_care_home_fcs.pdf#page22

As he is currently in hospital, you need to deal with the hospital social workers.
He may possibly come under the discharge to assess team, again they are based at the hospital and have allocated social workers. What hospital is he in?

Yes, you can ring the duty social worker for their town and say that a person with dementia is living unsupported due to their carer's illness. Hopefully friends are stepping in but they might not know the reality if your Dad has been masking things.

Does the hospital know he is a carer for his partner? If not, you should tell them, and they may make an emergency referral to social services. Really he should have a carer's emergency card, but many people don't know about them. https://www.carerssupportcentre.org.uk/our-services/carers-emergency-card/ (this is for my area but there may be something similar in his)

Do they have any back-up support, occasional paid carers or anyone else who would be able to step in help while your father is in hospital, or if he is not fit to continue caring for her even after discharge? If not, it is going to be very difficult for you to organise anything from a distance, so probably calling in social services is the first step.

Temporary delirium can and probably will clear up, but it can be a sign that his overall health is deteriorating and further health crises are likely (I dealt with this a lot in my parents' final years).

This is all very helpful, thank you.
It's Southampton General, @Soontobe60
The friedn of my Dad's is trying to get the number of his parter's friend. We're hoping she can pop in and keep an eye on her in the first instance, while we're waiting to find out about Dad. Failing that I will contact the local social worker.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to speak to someone at the hospital.

I'd second going through the hospital SW team, at least initially.

You need to speak to some people - in the SW department and on the ward - and stress in no uncertain terms that he is a carer, that if he will not be able to care then something else will need to be organised for BOTH of them, and that YOU CANNOT LOOK AFTER THEM (all depts are short staffed and if they feel they can get family to adopt more caring roles, they will do so. NO matter what you hope and plan to do, you MUST tell them that you can't do anything. Sounds awful but that's the way it is).

Is his partner at home without a carer at the moment? Do SS need to be informed of that? They key words here, if you speak to them, are "vulnerable adult". Drop these two words shamelessley and as often as you can.

I may sound jaded, but I'm realistic.

@exexpat
That's so helpful, thank you.
No, there is absolutely nothing in place. I will definitely let the hospital know tomorrow.
I'm kicking myself now for not pushing the issue with them before now but they are such private people, especially dad's partner.

Going ahead, you need to look at getting your dad's PoA sorted out asap if he recovers from this episode of delirium. The finance one is more inportant (IMO) than the health one. Both can be done online.

Speak to his GP, they can't do anything for him whilst he's in hospital but they will need to know for when he's discharged. Different parts of the country have access to different support services; your GP will know what's available there. There may be things that you can refer to, and things that are only accessible via the primary HC team.

Also looking ahead, if the care needs are going to increase for your dad and his partner, someone should check that they are getting all the allowances to which they are entitled. Attendance allowance is nearly £100/week for one person, which can pay for a cleaner and taxis (because if your dad normally drives, it's possible that that mivht go by the wyside for the moment -- depending on what underlying problems they might find).

SS,again, can help with this.

Once he's home, you can also try contacting Age UK. They can be very helpful in a number of ways.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/

@mauvish This is exactly the kind of information I need, thank you so much.

Do they have any links to a local place of religious worship? Churches, mosques etc will often have people who are untrained but will visit and maybe act as a sitter for an hour if the carer needs to go out (presuming your dad is able to go back to his caring role). Sometimes there are small local secular charities or organisations which can do the same.

http://unpaidcarerssupport.org.uk/ These are local to Southampton, I wonder if they'd be able to offer anything?

here's another in the area
https://www.carerstogether.org.uk/

Unfortunately not, @mauvish .
Thank you for the links. I'll check them out.
I'm just hoping that Dad is not seriously ill and makes a good recovery so that things can be put in place WITH them. His partner is going to hate everything about this and am worried about doing irrevocable damage to our relationship, but she can't be left alone. I'm going to try to get back for the end of this week to try and sort something ouy, depending on the news from the hospital tomorrow.
What a nightmare.

Good luck. Hope your dad makes a decent recovery. It will potentially be useful to get contacts etc set up for if there's another episode like this in the future.

Thank you.
Yes, I need to get things set up asap.
And I'm aware that this is probably just the start of some painful times ahead.
I'm so grateful to you all for your help.

Update, of sorts.
I'm on my way back now and my head is swimming with everything that needs to be done. The doctors have found "something" on the mri but are waiting to tell me in person. (I obviously fear the worst).
My father's friend managed to find which gp practice his partner was in after phoning all those in the area and they sent someone round on Tuesday. I've been told that the official needs assessment could take weeks so I need to arrange private carers. This is a top priority but is going to be so difficult as she is a very private person and we're not really close. I've managed to get the number of her friend who is going to be an invaluable ally, I hope.
The real concern is the LPA.
If my dad is too ill to sign papers etc, what do I do?! How can I pay for things?
The deputyship takes months to set up.
Is there any fast track or other miracle in cases like this?

It's possibly slightly quicker if doing PoA online, although they're taking about 6 mths ish, I believe.
I think you can fill it in online, print the completed forms off for signing & then submit.

We're having to go for Deputyship & have been told they're taking 12-18 mths. My Mum will quite possibly be dead by then. 🫤

If you can get the PoA done online & signed by your Dad, do it!

Omg!!! How on earth are families meant to cope with these timescales?!
Thank you for your reply, and best of luck to you too.

I've been through almost the same with my Dad, although he was actually found to have Kidney Cancer, we applied for POA while he was at hospital, unfortunately he died 4 weeks after diagnosis so we necer recieved it. Dad was a carer to my Mum - i think sometimes they neglect their own health while caring. I hope it isn't too serious.

I agree. It's totally bonkers!

I hope you manage to sort it.