Hi all. I've posted before under a different name about my dad not coping when mum was admitted to hospital in 2020
Sadly , her cancer had metastasised and she had palliative care at home for ten days and passed away with dad by her side . I wasn't there when she died , as I'd popped home. He said how traumatic it was as she was screaming and vomiting faeces ( advanced bowel cancer) . This is an image I cannot get out of my head .
I planned the funeral , sorted finances and did all the practical stuff as dad ( understandably) couldn't cope .
I do have a brother but we're NC .
I live an hour away , have young teenage DS and hold down a full time job . I call dad daily and still sort all the practical stuff . I see him weekly for a chat / meal .
He has been started on various antidepressants but finds the side effects increase his insomnia / anxiety even after a few months of taking them .
I've got a care company involved to help with emotional support for him / reassurance as he panics over everything .
To make matters worse ..... he's now being investigated for possible bowel cancer . He's had a positive stool sample , weight loss and change of bowel habit . He's on tww for CT scan .
I find it so difficult and now ( and this sounds so bad) I'm scared to be in his company in case he collapses or can't cope and I can't leave . He's gone from robust and dependent to virtually housebound through choice and so very depressed . It's so difficult and as he keeps saying " it's just me taking on his troubles "
His support ladies as I call them start tomorrow and he's very doubtful they can help .
I'm not sure why I'm posting but I'm at the end of my tether and an anxious mess .