Do I complain about this nurse officially or just leave it. I'm livid

[bonusjonasus]

My father is in a care home, he has had Alzheimer's for over 10 years now and has rapidly declined over the last year. He is no longer able to communicate nor is he physically able. He has picked up several infections and been treated with antibiotics and had several 'it's time to say goodbye' moments but has always recovered.

Last week he was showing signs of another infection, and we (me and siblings) made the decision for no further antibiotics and to just make him comfortable. We were told to come and say goodbye on Sunday. Since then, it seems he is recovering. He's remained in bed and asleep mostly but seems comfortable. Staff at the home and nurses have approached twice since Tuesday so say they think we should give antibiotics. We have agreed not to (sibling has POA)

Anyway yesterday one sibling was pulled aside by a nurse who said that she was concerned about his treatment and withholding antibiotics and in her 30 odd years of nursing she has never seen anyone withhold antibiotics. Then went on to say her she nursed her mother and never would have treated her like this and then started mentioning money being split when her mother died (wtf!?)

I am so angry I am shaking. The care home manager was dismissive and appears to share her view.

My father no longer has a temperature and is comfortable in bed, he's 94. He has no quality of life and we don't see antibiotics making any difference (the last lot he had caused quite sever bowel issues)

Obviously the manager at the home doesn't think this nurse has done anything wrong. But I feel she has massive overstepped here and wondering if my want to complain officially is unwarranted?

I felt my uncle was. 8 years of vascular dementia reduced him to a body that could do nothing for him- he was unable to speak, recognised no one or anything, could not sit up or walk or even move himself. He was strapped into a chair so he did not fall out, his head slumped down drooling. He was doubly incontinent, had heart disease and bladder cancer. He had no pleasure in life at all and was wasting away. This was a man who had been a talented artist, a published writer, who spoke fluent Russian, Italian and French, who loved travelling and had been so independent and dignified. He would have hated what he became.He'd signed a DNR and made his wishes clear that he did not wish his life to be prolonged if he lost capacity to say/write/make that clear. It was a waste of paper. Time after time he was given anti-biotics, admitted to hospital for infections then returned to the home to live in that state.
I think describing him as a shell would have been kind.

Yes, complain. To the manager and write to the CQC if you like. The nurse was absolutely way out of order and unprofessional.

I had the same shit from nurses at my mum's care home. If they've never heard of people withholding antibiotics it's because they're not listening.

@JustAMinutePleass I'm sure you were a good carer but I think your attitude is completely wrong and I'm glad you no longer do that work. Decisions are made in someone's best interests if they can't make them. Living with increasing levels of deterioration and repeated cycles of infection may well not be in someone's best interests. If someone is able to smile at you (the universe protect me from anyone who considers that an adequate quality of life, but whatever) when they are well, how about when they are ill enough to need antibiotics? They're going to feel rough and may never regain the function they had before that infection.