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Elderly parents

Why are they so mean to me

3 replies

Bubbabubs · 26/09/2023 13:30

Ok so I am 56 years old and have two sons 22 and 24 who have moved out and currently engaged to their partners. I have never had much luck with my choice of men but I am currently in a relationship with someone I met 6 years ago. We are happy and looking at planning our future lives together. I have my own house and he has his, we have our homes on the market and want to buy a house together in a new county. My parents 75 and 78 are being so nasty saying I am making a big mistake as my partner isn’t really committed as he hasn’t asked me to marry him. I don’t particularly want to marry again and I told them that. They feel he may be using me and I should end the relationship and don’t go running to them when it all goes wrong. Every decision I have made in my life they have disagreed to and said I have made nothing but errors. I left there in tears a few days ago. Their words go around in my head and now it’s starting to affect the way I feel about my partner. They have always been very controlling and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I am a naughty 5 year old. Always trying to please them but failing at every turn. My sister left home at 15 and has nothing to do with them. I feel I have to make up for her absence which is draining at times. They even told me if I stay with my partner they will write me out of their will, I don’t want their money just their understanding, please help

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 26/09/2023 13:34

Look up the “stately homes” threads on Mumsnet, read up about toxic parenting, and if at all possible get yourself some therapy.

This is definitely them and not you.

You do NOT have to make up for your sister’s absence.

(But when buying with your partner do consider “exit” planning in case things go wrong - consider tenants in common, an agreement about what happens if one of you want out, and also consider inheritance from each other

crosstalk · 26/09/2023 14:28

Agree with the pp. Consider exit planning. Either you or your partner will die before the other and the survivor could make a complete mess of your intentions re your will and children.

EmotionalBlackmail · 26/09/2023 20:28

Are they worried you would no longer be available at their beck and call as a future carer as you have someone else in your life? Just when you're at the stage when your children have grown up and you could be making your parents your number one priority Wink.

Put some boundaries in place and have a look at the stately homes thread.

Do make sure you protect yourself and your children if you move in with your partner. You can make sure of things like who gets any death in service benefit, house inheritance etc by making a will.

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