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Elderly parents

Feeling bit lost amongst the stress..

2 replies

TryingHope · 22/09/2023 19:23

This time last year my lovely dad went into a residential care home due to his dementia. My mum found out she had heart failure around the same time. I do work and often visit my dad and im always chatting with my mum as she lives only two roads away. Im an only child, with adult children living away. Husband often working but can be supportive in how im feeling and does help.Im always busy but at night worry about losing them and how I’ll cope.

Any advice on how to deal with these emotions better and become a stronger person?

OP posts:
IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 22/09/2023 21:53

Any advice on how to deal with these emotions better and become a stronger person?

Please don't think you are doing anything wrong or that you need to do anything "better". You are coping with such a lot. I used to worry about how I would cope without my parents - like you, I am an only child with adult children. Although my dad was very ill his death still seemed very sudden and I fell apart. Even now I still sometimes cry when I think of him - when I think of things that would make him happy.

With my mum it is a different sort of grief. She has dementia and is in a nursing home. Only last weekend she had some sort of turn and ended up in hospital for 48 hours. Rather than the panic I felt when my dad died on one level I felt almost a sense of relief that her suffering would be over. As it happened she has recovered and is back in the nursing home, smiling and pleased to see me.

My point is that you survive. It felt like hell for the first six months or so when dad died but I am still here. The sadness is a consequence of loving someone. My advice would be take every opportunity to show that you love them. I have no regrets- I did everything for my parents - for my dad when he was alive and for my mum before she went into the home. Even now I still spend my week thinking of treats I can take her when I visit each week. I know that when she dies I will have no regrets. I said everything I wanted to say to dad before he died and I tell mum I love her at every visit. Knowing that there is nothing left to say is the greatest comfort.

And I am not strong. I am a total wimp and am definitely not a strong person.

EmotionalBlackmail · 23/09/2023 20:49

You learn to muddle through it. I lost my DDad a couple of decades ago. At the time it was devastating and I couldn't imagine how things could carry on. Now I don't feel sad at all and just remember him with happiness.

It's worth looking up a death cafe or grief cafe in your area - you meet others and discuss any questions about death and bereavement. I found it a really useful place to air what I was feeling.

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