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Elderly parents

Don't trust Mums partner

10 replies

JohnsWife1234 · 21/09/2023 13:14

Hi, I'm hoping this forum might give me some good advice.
I have some suspicions about Mums boyfriend.

She is elderly in here late 70s and so is he.
But something just isn't adding up. It's all been very secretive and that's not like Mum. I have a suspicion he is a Gold digger.

If anyone has been there already or has any advice and another thing I've wondered is if I can log my suspicions with any authority etc. Not take action but log then incase anything does happen and action is needed later.

OP posts:
Mum5net · 22/09/2023 18:38

This happened to a DFriend’s DM. The boyfriend managed to persuade an equity release of £60k. He spent it quickly.
DFriend was unable to do very much at all, but raised concerns with both her DM’s solicitor and the local police station who ‘listened’ but could not act.
I would speak to Age Concern who may have experience and suggest strategies.

singlemum93 · 22/09/2023 18:58

Unfortunately no authority has the ability to stop someone with capacity making their own decisions about what they do with their money.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 22/09/2023 19:17

Talk to her now about getting an LPA (without voicing concerns re the boyfriend)?

maximist · 22/09/2023 23:19

You could try contacting the safeguarding team at social services, they should be able to advise you at least. And have a chat with Age UK, they're very helpful.

JohnsWife1234 · 23/09/2023 14:51

Thank you all for your replies.
I was amazed at the responses🙏
Very helpful and Thank you.

OP posts:
JohnsWife1234 · 29/09/2023 15:02

Another thing I'd like to add is I have a feeling he's going to try and get her to invest in a place in Spain and I will just add I don't think programs like "A place in the Sun" help making it look Romantic with little detail.


OP posts:
Mum5net · 29/09/2023 15:39

Have you made contact with any of the safe guarding places or charities yet? Now you have a notion of what might happen it’s good to be keeping up with the action, albeit you might be powerless.

EmmaEmerald · 29/09/2023 15:47

IMHO your first step is talk to her

Maybe she wants to move to Spain or something and doesn't want to tell you

I do understand your concerns, a family friend is being targeted by someone we think is trying to take advantage, but we just told him that straight.

It's not a great thing to say I know. I had some leverage because I recently dated a guy half my age and I was able to say that I was keeping a careful eye for gold-digging tendencies.

You could phrase it as a general concern - unless you're 18 and have no money, everyone's got to watch out for that kind of thing. Don't frame it as age related but the trustworthiness of a new person in your life around money. 

JohnsWife1234 · 29/09/2023 21:37

Yes indeed. I'm talking it through with some friends and family before deciding my next step.

Another thing I'd like to say is I have an elderly friend. She's very sharp, been married 3 times and is no fool. She has been an absolute rock :)

OP posts:
JohnsWife1234 · 02/10/2023 15:12

It's very hard for me to explain the things I don't trust but one is I mentioned "A place in the sun" he seems to use TV programs as an influencer. Using something not just this program, sometimes something sickly mushy to influence her into going along with that situation. It's really quite embarrassing from my point of view. I wonder has anyone come across this before?

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