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Elderly parents

Elderly father living abroad health failing

9 replies

Taptap2 · 18/09/2023 20:27

Not sure what I can do. DF lives abroad left the UK over 20 years ago. Now I’m his late 80s and his health is beginning to fail. There is no family who live near him. We are not close. He can’t return to the UK as he doesn’t have leave to remain.

Not sure what I can do. He needs somebody to go to his hospital appointments although he can still manage to look after himself. He is a 3 hour plan trip away. I have a lot of responsibilities in the UK I can’t go out and help for anything other than a few days.

what have others done in this situation?

OP posts:
mycoffeecup · 18/09/2023 20:39

Does he have money to pay someone?

cupidsabsolutepsyche · 18/09/2023 20:42

Which country does he live in? I have some experience of this recently with my late father's wife, in Spain, if I can give you any advice?

Thingamebobwotsit · 18/09/2023 20:54

I have this but 11 hours away. Could he give you permission to speak to his health care providers on his behalf at appointments etc?

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 18/09/2023 20:56

Does he/you have money to afford to pay someone a few hours a week to help him with tasks like the Dr? Could you attend the appointment with him via FaceTime?

I assume he is somewhere where there isn’t a social care system?

WanderleyWagon · 18/09/2023 21:04

I live in another country to my father and he has employed a personal assistant for a couple of hours a week to help him with errands and some admin. It's expensive but a very good service. He pays them, and they visit him weekly, but I also catch up with them via whatsapp and they brief me on everything. They also act as an extra pair of hands for me to do some of the things I would do if I could get over more often. Might something like that be possible?

PermanentTemporary · 20/09/2023 07:12

Very tough. I think as in most countries a lot will depend on whether he has money to pay for help? Agree with getting his permission to talk to health providers. Does he do video calls with you? It might be easier if you could see his circumstances/facial expression?

Also don't be too quick to take on the mental load. Has he come up with any solutions? Could he just take a taxi to the appointments?

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 20/09/2023 07:19

So is this country his native country (given he is not a UK citizen) or a different country altogether? Does he have recourse to state assistance (if there is any) in the country in which he lives?

MissBiljanaElectronika · 20/09/2023 07:19

What country?

my dad is 88 and we are in the same situation

I go there when I can, but that’s “only” 5 or 6 times a year


  • got him an alarm system (button) if he falls
  • a social worker through the council
  • a cleaner once a week (through the council)
  • the phone number of a few neighbours
  • the number and an account with friendly local taxi company
  • Food delivered weekly
  • access to his e-mail account
  • access and authority over his bank account

last week he had a dental emergency, and I managed to get an appointment for him then asked the taxi company to pick him up and wait at the dentist then take him home, and that I would pay by phone after

it’s hard, isn’t it? I always have a little cry in the airport on the way back home. But the above measures help.
MissBiljanaElectronika · 20/09/2023 07:21

I also got permission to talk to his doctors and social worker ;he needed to sign for that

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