My feed

to access all these features

Elderly parents

Help pls

4 replies

ideaspls · 12/09/2023 22:24

I bought DPs to my place for a change of scene, also to give DM a little rest from caring for DF(82).  DF is generally well but easily forgetful (signs of early dementia but not massively) and flies off the handle more and more recently (though has always had a short fuse and angry outbursts). Had to end up driving them back on the second day, as DF kept wanting to go home and losing temper for being taken somewhere and ‘dumped.’ He criticizes every meal that is prepared by DM and did the same when he was with me. He loses his temper when I won’t eat things he offers (I’m 45) and accuses me of not eating because I don’t want to ‘get fat.’ 
Anyway After dropping them back, he came to their front door with his car keys and insisted on dropping me back to my house.(not sure why - but DPs have always been very overprotective) I told him to rest back in the house and that I had my car so not necessary. He then lost his temper on the street and yelled at me saying that we were all nasty and poisonous.
It’s been a difficult last two days, but when I recount the events none of it seems like it would cause massive offence, in fact it would seem like he’s very caring but why does it seem so offensive and why the need to infantilize me all the time.
Can anyone relate?

OP posts:
TheFinerThings · 12/09/2023 23:55

Has he spoken to the GP?
Many elderly people with early signs of dementia actually have pernicious anaemia.

Irritability and a short temper can be signs of both B12 deficiencies and dementia though.

DustyLee123 · 13/09/2023 06:50

He needs to see the GP, perhaps call it a health check/MOT to get it done. They are better at working out how bad he actually is, as they are good at masking, particularly in their own home, hence why he will have wanted to go home.

Whawillthefuturebring · 13/09/2023 07:00

He needs to see the GP as there are medications to reduce the progress of some types of memory loss/dementia. And then they need a dual assessment by adult SS. If you can try and get them used to paid help at home eg gardening but someone in the house is ideal eg cleaner so they get used to having someone their for when they potentially need carers.

Move a person with dementia to new surroundings is very difficult for them and is likely to make his behaviour much worse.

greenbeansnspinach · 15/09/2023 21:48

I would be exhausted and upset after what you’ve been through over the last few days. Regardless of his possible health issues and early dementia, if your dad has always been on a short fuse and prone to shouting, it will be hard for you to “excuse” his behaviour.
I can relate, as an elderly relation of mine who has never been very kind or loving, is now in cognitive decline and although they are actually a slightly more relaxed person as the disease progresses, every time they flare up about some misunderstanding it brings all the unpleasant memories back.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.