Contingency Planning

[whatever1980]

Hi
Looking for suggestions/help please.

2 elderly parents living together. One stronger than the other. Multiple agencies involved but no carers (parents don't want them) and they just about cope at moment.

Stronger one goes into hospital at short notice leaving other parent in house without care. They can walk about and have a stairlift etc but prone to falls.

No reliable close family living near by. I live abroad.

Tried to discuss this before with them but got no where but bored to plan now.

What happens in this situation please? Can anyone be called at short notice?

Do you have phone numbers for local friends or somewhere they go regularly (eg church, social club)? Who sees them regularly?

Do they have a key safe? That way if the one at home doesn't answer the phone an ambulance can access without needing to break down the door.

Does someone local have a key in addition to the key safe?

Are you the only child?

Your parents should set up LPOAs (power of attorney) for both healthcare and financial.

You should know the location of all relevant papers (LPOAs) and financial information and wills. This whole process should be transparent.

If they refuse to move into more suitable accommodation (ie supported or assisted living) then there needs to be a key safe fitted to the outside of the house with keys inside.

Subscribe to a link service through Age Concern so they both have emergency buttons and a wearable device in case of falls.

The link service will be able to speak through a speaker to your parents, or in case of no answer, will call the nominated contacts for assistance or the emergency services. You decide who the contacts are.

Make sure the various agencies and adult social services know the situation, and make sure that you have names and numbers of the agencies involved.

If they are just about coping on their own, then the main things are a keysafe (so someone can get in), a pendant alarm (so they can call for help if they fall), and some easy to microwave frozen meals so that they are able to eat easily. Research if there is a falls service locally, and I had great success with a carers emergency service where they could sign up and get short term help if the stronger one got admitted.

You might have more success in getting them to accept a cleaner initially to just 'give them a hand'. If you can find a nice independent cleaner - not an agency - who can build a relationship and is local then they may be able to do more short visits at a pinch.

Thanks all really great suggestions. I hadn't thought about a key safe. I've a LPOA for financial affairs but not health and actually the healthy is probably more important. They refuse to pay the cost for a pendant and I have offered to pay for it but so stubborn.

Generally, what happens is multiple crises, and then 1 or both go into a home

Sorry

There's not much you can do, op

Mine wouldn't have a pendant either, and then a doctor said they should have one and they couldn't argue with that. The 'someone other than you' saying they should have something is a powerful method.
Find out all the details, and then put it in your 'in case of emergency' file. Similarly I researched care agencies, homes, funeral directors and had all the contact details in one place so that when I needed it I could access it quickly. Unfortunatly it was a case of them accepting things only crisis by crisis, but they did accept enough to keep things going till the death of my dad.

Thanks @CMOTDibbler

You're right it takes a crisis to get any movement with them. They needed a stairlift about 5 years ago and only agreed to one 12 months ago after 2 falls (one where bones in neck broken).

Cleaner - not yet.

Gardener - just this year

Carers - no. Don't want someone in the home.

Pendant - no - waste of money not needed.

Last night felt really helpless being so far away and no family or friends to call to check my dad was okay and hadn't fallen. Realised multiple agencies come to the house to chat with my dad but actually no contingency in place or respite lined up.

I'll get a file put together. And a key safe.

Thanks again everyone

Remember that there is only so much you can do in the face of stubborn refusals. If your parents are deemed to have capacity, that also means having the capacity to make poor choices and stupid decisions and having to bear the consequences of those choices.

It can be very frustrating but nothing you can do if they say no.