I could really use some advice about my DM.
I'm about to move into a joint house with her, but with separate parts of the same house so it's sort of like a house with an annexe arrangement. I will provide whatever care she needs.
The problem is that DM smells really bad. I'm going to have to be blunt here so apologies, but it's an intimate, sweaty smell. Almost like a yeasty type smell that's emanating from her groin region.
It's so strong that it's noticeable even in my part of the house, on the other side of the connecting door.
DH thinks it's urine, but I don't think so. I think it's partly urine, but also partly unwashed, sweaty groin.
For context, I'm autistic and have always really struggled with strong smells. This odour is absolutely awful.
DM barely moves out of the chair all day (she has a lifelong disability). She's more or less housebound. Other than going to the toilet, she will happily sit in the same chair all day long without getting up. The chair she sits in smells but it's in the air, as well as on her.
She only showers twice a week. She changes her skirt every few days. She will not be persuaded to increase the frequency of either of these.
I know she's had some problems with incontinence as she asked me to get her some pads. But she used a couple and then stopped as she couldn't be bothered. I think she prefers to go without wearing underwear too - which isn't helping the smell.
She's complained about being itchy in her groin and bottom region - more in the crack of her bottom, nearer the top rather than the actual sphincter. I think it's where she's sat all day long and it's getting overly warm down there, plus not getting any air circulating around her parts possibly? She's quite a bit overweight which I don't think is helping either.
I'm reasonably sure there's no infection as she's had blood tests done for other things recently and nothing came up. She's borderline diabetic.
Bloody hell this post is long. Apologies.
I've spoken to the Occupational Therapist who noticed the smell. She just shrugged and said it's one of those things with older, immobile individuals.
I've spoken to DM directly, starting off gently and ended up being very direct. She took it well, and promised she'd make more of an effort, but there's no change. it doesn't matter how often I tell her.
On a separate note, I have a disabled daughter who is 15 and wears nappies. She is doubly incontinent, and has a bowel disorder. We're going to try installing a bidet for her, so she can get herself properly clean after every change. DM has suggested that she gets a bidet too and I'm very happy to pay for one for her if it would help.
Do you think this will solve the issue? I'm not completely convinced she'll use it but it's worth a try. Has anyone tried any other products/has any other ideas? I've done a keyword search and previous posts are mainly about incontinence whereas I think this is mainly stale groin sweat, maybe yeast-type redness on the skin which has a bad odour, and a bit of incontinence.
Also worth mentioning that DM has ALWAYS had a loose relationship with hygiene. As a child I remember asking her to wash more because her tights smelt really bad - and I can remember it was the same kind of sweaty groin smell then too!!! I think a recent decline in her mobility has just made it all much worse.
If you got to the end of this, thank you!!
Dealing with unpleasant smells
SecretSoul · 04/09/2023 05:52
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