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Elderly parents

Too ill to look after parent just discharged from hospital- what do I do?

7 replies

Dreamsarereal · 03/09/2023 06:42

DM was admitted to hospital 18 days ago with a swelling on the brain. It took 10 days for steroids to bring it down so she was functioning ok, she was discharged on Friday with a six week rehabilitation package with aids to make the house safer and carers coming in twice a day.
She is not meant to be left alone. My brothers have been staying with her but they have to go back to work, I was meant to be staying with her from today but on Friday I tested positive for Covid. I seem to be welded to my bed.
I’ve checked with 111 and, if DM becomes ill she with be able to get anti viral drugs, I’ve suggested that she goes into a local home for respite care this week but my brothers don’t want this I am now thinking of contacting the agency providing the care package, asking to increase the visits and finding someone who provides over night care.
Has anyone used something like this?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/09/2023 06:44

You've offered a solution and your brother's said no. Therefore it's up to them to sort out OP. Why are you just obeying?

countrygirl99 · 03/09/2023 06:55

Just tell them to let you know what alternative arrangements they're making then switch your phone off and go to sleep.

Robotalkingrubbish · 03/09/2023 06:59

Two excellent answers @Dreamsarereal . I’m sorry to hear about your mum but you’re ill yourself so she’s not your responsibility. My dad went for respite care, when we couldn’t cope. Sometimes it’s the best solution. Get well soon. 💐

ploofmamoof · 03/09/2023 09:45

When you say she's not meant to be left alone, do you mean her discharge was officially dependent on a family member being with her at all times, or that as a family you don't want her to be alone?
I ask as she has only been given a twice daily care package which doesn't fit with the need for her to never be left alone. 24hr care at home is only provided (funded) in very rare circumstances, but up to four visits a day is normal. So what was the official discharge plan?

I agree with the other posters that if your brothers do not want her to be alone but cannot provide the care that requires then they need to look at residential options or funding 24hr care.

YukoandHiro · 03/09/2023 09:47

gamerchick · 03/09/2023 06:44

You've offered a solution and your brother's said no. Therefore it's up to them to sort out OP. Why are you just obeying?

This.

Dreamsarereal · 03/09/2023 10:04

The occupational therapist said it’s better not to leave her alone when I asked if I could walk the dog.
My brothers have been tremendous, one has been here since she was admitted and the other as soon as he could arrange remote working - he lives abroad. You are right though, I’m going to leave it to them.

OP posts:
Dreamsarereal · 04/09/2023 10:43

Sorted now, DM has tested positive so I can stay with her. Youngest DB now has a family crisis on his late DWs side and is meant to be dealing with that next. He’s got symptoms but is still testing negative, part of me wants him to test positive so he has to rest.

OP posts:
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