Elderly Dads partner

[Joy69]

Anyone had a situation like this...My Mum died 7 years ago this Friday. Dad did an amazing job caring for her & has since got together with someone else.
While I am pleased that he isn't on his own, his partner is extremely dominant. We ( brother & Grandchildren) never get to see him by ourselves. Even when we phone he puts it on loud speaker so she can join the conversation. I have noticed that she subtly undermines him at social occasions & have tried to speak to him to see if he's happy.
The latest is that we have been invited over on the anniversary of Mums death & she will cook. I don't particularly want to spend this anniversary with this woman & have declined the invitation. I feel that while she is very pleasant, there's something that feels off.
I appreciate that this may come across that I'm jealous, but it's not that. I am worried that Dad is being controlled.
Anyone had similar?

Hmm I haven’t experienced this but it does sound concerning. Would your Dad do something with you alone if you asked, eg visit your Mum’s grave together ?
Or could you ask him for a private chat ?

I have arranged to meet him at Mums grave. It's difficult to ask for a private chat as she's always there. He seems generally happy enough, but then I see flashes of things that don't seem right.

How would she react if you directly told her you would like to spend time on your mother's anniversary with just your dad? Or say directly "dad can we go for a coffee, just the two of us?" Any response from her other than to tell you to have a nice time together isn't appropriate. If she asks why, then say why not? Of your dad says no then ask him why

I agree with this .
All close relationships need some one on one time.

I could have written this myself except for the fact it's my FIL not my dad. MIL died 8 years ago and FIL took up with her best friend 6 months later, announcing their love to anyone who would listen. They don't live together but she is there 99% of the time. She organises his whole life and we can't see him without her or she gets upset. He's not a particularly nice person and it doesn't bother me but I feel sorry for dh and his brothers, who are expected to treat this woman as if she was their mother. She's been going through private family papers recently and keeps mentioning him going into a care home. Sometimes he seems frightened of her and she seems to have a lot of power over him but on the other hand, she looks after him, cooks nice meals etc He's probably left her everything in his will, doesn't bother me but again feel sorry for dh.

Hi, I can absolutely relate to this. We lost my mum nearly 20yrs ago and dad was lonely but coped really well, met a few women, one who was serious but lovely. After she moved away he met his current partner who has now moved in, totally dominates him, listens in to all phone calls, interjecting and shouting over him if I say something she doesn't like.
It's horrible but ultimately his choice. None of us visit as often now, covid was something of a blessing in a way as we used to meet him in the park instead of going to the house.
You have my sympathy 😢

Please get P of A for him if you haven’t already!

I know someone whose dad with fairly early dementia was soon completely dominated by his live in carer - hardly allowed to see his formerly very close family.

Eventually the so-called carer took him abroad and married him, without the family’s knowledge - and then got him to change his will entirely in her favour- and it was a substantial estate. He died not very long afterwards.

The family contested the will but she was clever and very plausible, and they lost.
NB, the dad had had no official diagnosis of dementia. If he had, I doubt she’d have been seen as within her rights to whisk him off and marry him without a word to the family.