Can anyone help with a solution?

6 replies

Problemsolving · 17/08/2023 19:22

My Mum is in palliative care stage - although in reality I have no idea what that means. She has MS and COPD. She gets frequent UTI and chest infections which leave her unable to stand. She has carers to come in the mornings to help her wash and dress. The rest is done by my Dad who has not insignificant health problems. My Dad is struggling to help my Mum to transfer to the commode when she is unwell. OT suggested more care calls but Mum doesn’t need the toilet on demand. The only solution I can think of is a live in care to assist but Mum wouldn’t want that intrusion and they only need that extra level of care when she is unwell. Has anyone else got any suggestions?

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SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 18/08/2023 09:55

Has your DM been referred to the Continence Nurse? They might have some solutions although your DM might not like those solutions.

Has your DF had a Carers Assessment and expressed how much he's struggling?

Original poster

Problemsolving · 20/08/2023 15:49

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 18/08/2023 09:55

Has your DM been referred to the Continence Nurse? They might have some solutions although your DM might not like those solutions.

Has your DF had a Carers Assessment and expressed how much he's struggling?

Thank you. She has seen the continence nurse at one point.

I’ve lost count of the number of times they’ve agree to assessment and then changed their mind, some times after they have we had made the appointment.

The reality is something needs to change but they keep refusing.

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Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2023 15:51

My Mum was similar, she had carers 4 times a day so that’s when she could go to the toilet, other than that it was incontinence pads and sdad helping when he felt able to.
Its awful but it’s how it is

Original poster

Problemsolving · 20/08/2023 16:06

Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2023 15:51

I suspect that is what needs to happen but the reality is my Dad will keep on trying to help and Mum would refuse to go in pads. Although she does sometimes wear them.

Mum is supposed to becoming home tomorrow but my Dad is currently in hospital and despite Dad being in hospital regularly they don’t have a plan B beyond my sister and I doing it all.

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SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 20/08/2023 16:47

Is your DSis willing to say that she won't be caring for your DM to the Discharge Clerk?

It's very sad but sometimes the only want to get appropriate care is to refuse to do it yourself.

Original poster

Problemsolving · 20/08/2023 16:49

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 20/08/2023 16:47

Is your DSis willing to say that she won't be caring for your DM to the Discharge Clerk?

It's very sad but sometimes the only want to get appropriate care is to refuse to do it yourself.

Dad is home now. I think we need to get them to start making long term plans but I’m not sure how to get them to engage.

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