67 too young for care home after stroke?

[Speckles011]

Apologies if this is the wrong thread as dad is only 67. He recently had a major stroke and is paralysed on one side. He's in a rehab place and is at high risk of another stroke. Mentally he's mostly ok and can talk and joke. He does have some confusion but they are looking into that. It's too early to know his physical limitations yet.
He lives with a partner who is not in great shape health wise and is probably an alcoholic. I don't know this for sure but I highly suspect it. I'm making myself sick with worry at what happens if and when he is discharged. I don't think his partner will cope. His small home certainly isn't suitable for a wheelchair or anything. I work full time and have 3 children and a small house. I keep thinking he will end up in a care home which make me feel so worried and upset about as he's only young and was so independent. Has anyone else been through similar with a younger "elderly" parent? I literally can't stop crying I'm so worried

The best place for him and his stress levels are at home

You don’t want to be in a care home at 67 if at all possible.

Talk to the social care team about home carers and/or sheltered accommodation

Contact the stroke association for advice

I am sorry this is happening to him and you, but focusing on practical solutions will help you feel better

Yes much to young for a care home. They're for a couple of years tops not 20.

My FIL had terminal brain cancer when he was 58 and he was in a nursing home for 4 months.
My MIL couldn’t give him the care he needed on her own and the hospital suggested it.
Honestly they were brilliant, they organised all his care and sorted his syringe driver when he could no longer swallow. They really looked after him and it made a terrible situation much easier.

Thank you, these are things I've failed to even consider. My mind is whirling. Thank you so much

It very much depends on the home, his condition and what the set up is like there.

No, he presumably wouldn't want to sit in a lounge every day with a load of people 30 years older.

But it could provide the facilities he needs far more comfortably than being at home. There are homes that provide the stimulating activities, not just, I hate to say it, but stereotypical older person activities?! Yes, I've seen some where it was all bingo and knitting get-togethers, but I've visited one with book groups, film shows, daily read newspapers and discuss groups.

If you contact adult social services they'll come and do a needs assessment. They'll be able to make recommendations and let you know if he's entitled to state-funded carers. It'll all depend on his financial situation.

You don't have to do all the caring yourself but defo give adult social services a call and get an appointment set up for when he is home.

Absolutely depends on the care home. I go to two regularly where he would be a long way from the youngest resident.

However there should be a detailed discharge planning process at the end of his rehab which will consider what his care needs are, is there family help and can they be delivered in his current property.

You don't need to be calling Social Services, this will all be done as part of his discharge plan.

He should have an occupational therapist assess him to see exactly what help he needs with daily tasks like washing and eating, including any specialist equipment. They will liaise with the patient, family and social worker to identify the best initial care plan and discharge destination. He will then have ongoing assessments to monitor for any changes in his condition and needs. I've discharged 90+ year olds back to their homes after a stroke, with equipment and carers, and I've discharged 40 year olds into care home placements because it was best for them at the time. No option has to be permanent. Ask to speak to the occupational therapist/discharge coordinator. All the very best xx

There are residential “care homes” that are not end of life, but for recovery for patients who have had a stroke or other brain injury. Theres these guys and Bupa
https://www.voyagecare.com/supporting-you/brain-injury/

I know of a man who had a stroke in his 60s and ultimately did move into a care home - it wasn't practical for his tiny wife to manage his care, even with support although she soldiered on for a few years. He was in care home for about a decade at least I think. Ultimately it'll be what is best for your and his needs, and taking into account what you or other family members can or can't do, so look at all the options.

A friends brother had a stroke in his 40s. Eventually ended up in a council flat with 24/7 carers going in (costing more than £2k per week to the local council) as didn’t want to ‘go into a home’.

However- the carers weren’t necessarily reliable when meant he was left on his own at times (not safe) and he was very isolated as the rest of the family were working so could only visit a few times per week. Personally I think he would be better in a group facility with more social contact and more transparency about the care that is given.

My mum has had to be in a nursing home since her 50s
me and my dad supplied her 24hr care but when he died young I did try so hard to manage by my own but it did nearly kill me no exaggeration (I was also trying to work full time)

decision was basically taken oUt of our hands when a safeguarding referral was made when I nearly collapsed with exhaustion when the ambulance service was there dealing with another emergency

mum has been here nearly 4 years and is early 60s now. Yes it is hard but she is well looked after and safe 24 hours a day and rarely has to go to hospital (living with me we had to have to ambulance out waay many times it was awful)

I visit at weekends and days off (I am here now as I have Wednesdays off)

so yes no ideal but mum is settled and well looked after and I am now fitter and healthier and can have just a nice visit instead off the nursing stuff I had done since I was a child

I did mean to add to that I wish you and you family all the best xx

There are various 'levels' of care. Supported living or something might be more appropriate once there's a better idea of his rehabilitation pathway, so an independent flat but with access to medical care or carers coming in to help. It doesn't necessarily have to be a traditional care home set-up.

A lot of money has recently been put into stroke rehab within the home. I would think that by the time he is medically ready to be discharged they would continue to do rehab with him at home, as well as the care he needs.

It sounds like you need a chat and some reassurance from his team. I would recommended asking to talk to the occupational therapist on the ward. It's their job to assess your Dad and if he wants to return home to figure out how that can be done in a safe, enabling manner, what support he may need etc

I'm really sorry this happened to your Dad. Sending a hug

If he's in a rehab placement then they will plan his discharge. Often those in this situation get to a certain level and then return home with reablement care for a few weeks - these are a team of carers specifically to help people get back their independence, so for example, a normal care agency worker would do things for the person, but a reablement worker is trained to do things with the person with the aim of them regaining their ability to do it. Our local authority funds this for 6 weeks and then the reablement team would assess what ongoing care needs there are and a normal agency would take over for that.

If he’s in rehab he will be walking sooner rather than later! I had 2 serious strokes mid March this year, I’m 63 and left side paralysis and I learnt to walk again. I walk without a stick or anything! I don’t need a commode, I dress myself and cook, bake and use the shower. Now it hasn’t been easy… but I was determined! Tell him that he CAN do it xxxx

Sympathies @Speckles011 it’s really worrying when a family member suddenly loses their independence @Teaandbiscuits60 good to hear you are doing so well. My DF was similar and within 3months was home and moving about, using a frame at first but now without. The most rapid recovery occurs within the first 6months post stroke. Ii’s such a stressful time & the uncertainty is awful 💐. Honestly things could look very different for your dad in a few weeks time. If he has a positive attitude and keeps at the physio it’s remarkable what the brain and body are able to overcome.

@Seafarer they say 6 months but I’ve been told by drs physios up to 2 years .

I live in wales and currently walking halfway up a mountain with my oh of course. I’ve amazed myself! I get more fatigued seeing people than doing my Rehab / walking. I’ve always had a positive mind set and it’s important your dad does. Be honest with his care team, tell them your concerns about his partner and alcohol and ask for a risk assessment before he’s released. Tell him my story and how I’ve recovered after two strokes. It was serious, my hubby thought I was a goner and so relieved to have me back. I’ve worked hard on myself for my hubby, daughter, grandchildren and myself. I owe it to myself to be the best I can be. Join the stroke service, they do info leaflets and also join stroke groups on Facebook they’re brilliant, also Tara Tobias on YouTube is brilliant. @Speckles011 I don’t think a care home is a long term solution for dad I hope he recovers like I have. I have worked hard but it’s so with it.

As suggested by other posters you need to contact adult social services for a needs assessment.

They will know all the local facilities and will be able to determine what, if any state funding your father may be eligible for.

There are different options available depending on your fathers needs. It's not automatic that he would need to go into a care home.

For example there are rehabilitation facilities that act as a "step down" from hospital or he and his partner might suit assisted living where you have your own apartment (fully accessible) but care staff are available 24/7 (these often have cafeteria's on-site) and are geared up for younger people.

Alternatively he might cope at home with some support/adaptations.

SS will have all the information for you and your father to think about what's a practical and appropriate next step.

Good luck

@Teaandbiscuits60 absolutely improvements can still happen for 2 years and beyond. Enjoy the mountain!

I'm not sure how long ago your dad had his stroke @Speckles011 but honestly from being seriously ill people can regain function over days/weeks/months/years. It seems like forever at the time as you look for signs and naturally worry that they may not be able to do things again but, as with children learning skills from scratch, the brain can relearn. It can be very tiring though so expect your dad to sleep a lot for months. I hope it's a good outcome for your family.

@BreadInCaptivity the OP's father is in a rehab facility.

There is no need for her to go contacting Social Services as the rehab facility will be responsible for his discharge and go through getting a OT assessment, organising a care package or further placements depending on needs.

Talk to the rehab social workers, they will be happy to involve you as you know him and his living Arrangements better than they do.

Im speaking from a similar experience. I am 59 and live alone; I have lovely carers 4x daily, plus once a week for cleaning and once a week they take Me out.

If he has capacity he can let them know his wishes.

I hope he recovers quickly and we'll and you can enjoy your time together without worrying about having to be his part time carer too.

Please please contact the team and share your worries. I work in stroke rehab and its such an intense time of stress for everyone. The sooner you talk about your concerns the sooner there might be some kind of solution.