How to / can you ask for GP support for parent who is ‘fine’?

[LittleMy77]

Parents (both mid-late 70s) are in a stressful situation with both suffering from fairly serious different health issues. Dad is mum’s main carer, mum has terminal cancer, probably looking at weeks / months at best, and she’s currently in hospital due to complications, expected home (hopefully) soonish

Both are fully ‘with it’ and can make decisions etc, but my dad has nosedived (unsurprisingly) and in my non medical opinion is very depressed and has raging anxiety about everything. This is impacting on his health, ability to make proper arrangements for him and my mum etc with our help, which is starting to be really impactful

He wouldn’t think to go to GP or ask for help because ‘you just get on with it’ but I do think if they suggested antidepressants or similar he’d probably consider it

Can we intervene on the quiet and ask the GP / practice nurse to outreach, and dress it up as a check in due to being main carer for mum, given he’s fully with it?

My mum has probable dementia and I called my mum's GP and asked that next time she comes in (for whatever reason) they talk to her about her memory. The receptionist said it was reasonably common to do this. She still refused to engage but at least I tried. No idea how you get them to the GP in the first place though (my mum has regular appointments for other issues).

I'm sure you could approach the GP. They won't discuss with you but you can tell them your concerns and ask them to see your father.
Also while they still have full capacity you would do well to get POA sorted out.

We’re lucky that all that was sorted a few years back. I think our biggest challenge is because they’re both of sound mind and can make decisions, how to step in with stuff like this without causing WW3; tempers are fraying all round atm

Yes my sister did similar for her dad he had an appointment for something else which she made but the Gp chatted to him about things, ring up and see how it goes.

I've heard of GPS having people in for a "check up" this might be an idea for your dad but there is always the danger of him saying he's fine.

Are Macmillan involved with your parents? When my DH was terminal the hospital connected us with Macmillan straight away and we were allocated a nurse and emotional support.
If your parents do have a Macmillan nurse, s/he would be a good person to talk to about your dad

I have twice written a letter to a GP clearly stating that I did not want a reply as I respect the GP/Patient confidentiality.
I
know from what the "patients" have told me that on both occasions the
GP acted on my letter. One is now on
medication for his schizophrenia and the other had been diagnosed with
dementia.
It is well worth contacting a GP with your concerns.

If you look at their surgery details online, there is usually an email address for reception/queries. I found they were great when I contacted Dad's GP, and they got him in for a general check up where they had a good chat to him.

Also, if your Mum has a specialist palliative nurse, they're often very helpful at making sure the whole family has support.