Rude

[nowtherearethree]

My dad and his sister live together and have done since their partners passes. The carers come in several times a day to see my aunty who is lovely. My dad is so rude to them. I think he may have early onset dementia. He told one lady she was fat and other she smelt. I'm concerned that the are going to stop coming because of this. I have tried to talk to him but he laughs and tells me they know he is joking. It is so embarrassing

how do you respond when he says they know he’s only joking?

This is horrible but as someone who works with older people I would say try not to worry that carers would stop coming.

if they’re earning a wage they’ll just want to crack on with the job. There would be a zero tolerance policy and supervision/escalation procedures in place BUT it’s likely that they see it as part of the job.

if he’s abusive/violent etc that’s different.

when I worked with older people I took the view that they’re vulnerable. So little is under that persons control that they can be fed up and take it out on people around them.

thats true with or without any diagnosed cognitive deficit

Thank you ladies for your kind replies.
I will tend to say that I don't find it funny.
The carers are so nice. I think as they are so young it seems to make it worse

Talk firmly to DF now. Keep sentences short and clear. If he’s got any brain cells left it might sink in. Worth a try.

Old people are not universally foul.

I really wouldn’t worry carers unfortunately take a lot of stick. They are likely used to rude comments… (unfortunately whether illness or frustration we all get a bit cranky as we get older apparently lol)

Honestly I’m sure that they will understand and know that the majority of the time it’s not meant nastily and 9/10 it’s totally out of character….
I remember a beautiful little old lady I used to care for and with her dementia one day she was the cutest and most perfect lady you could wish to help, other days she’d be screaming all sorts of foul language at us - I remember at first being gobsmacked because she was such a darling usually… but good or bad days we all still loved her because we knew it wasn’t really her.

families of those who receive care can also be a bit shitty with comments but the majority of the time it’s down to guilt or frustration that they are unable to care for the family member independently for what ever reason ☹️ (That’s not a dig) or even that they feel that they have had to allow strangers into their home - online videos of awful ‘carers’ stealing etc don’t give care staff the best rep.

Thank you @JJxxxxx everything you have said is correct
I think I try to be lovely to the carers as the do such a fabulous job. My dad does say
'do not leave anything around as they may take it'. TV has a lot to answer for

100% agree the tv like with everything only shows the worst 😔

🤗