Hoping to get some collective wisdom. I posted a while ago about my mum who at the time was refusing to accept help for her declining memory. She has now recently been formally diagnosed with vascular dementia at the age of 67 and has had 3 TIAs over the past 9 months. She still refuses help though we do at least have POA in place.
Here comes the problem... The POA was done through a solicitor. She opted for the "once capacity is lost" option. In just the last couple of weeks I have felt the need to both speak to her doctors and access her bank account/discuss insurance matters. This is to establish how many TIAs she has had, if she has pet insurance/needs to pay a vet bill, so I can inform her car insurance on diagnosis/stop if necessary (assessment pending). All long stories so won't go into detail unless it helps!
Mum will refuse to let me help. I don't want to go behind her back but also am being pulled in despite this. Can I approach GP and then bank with POA documents? How can they prove/disprove capacity for each access? I am a medic and know that capacity is time and context dependant thus have issue with using a sweeping statement about "having capacity". I want to make sure I am doing this properly/appropriately.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Should I just wait until she's had a stroke or the vets call me with a massive bill to pay?
To make it more complicated I live 3h away, sibling 1 lives 1h away and we both work FT. Sibling 2 lives on the other side of the world. Mum lives alone with dog.